


Shot Through the Heart

by Bang Bang Beef Keef (kelamorrison)



Series: Beef Keef and Sharpshooter [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bottom Lance, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith and Lance are exes, M/M, Masturbation, Plot With Porn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Psychic Sex, References to Oral Sex, Season/Series 08 Spoilers, Top Keith, canon allurance sorry, klance, klance happy ending, only klance porn, psychedelic lube, references to anal sex, slow burn this time, this all still fits within canon, will update smut tags as I add chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:37:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 82,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelamorrison/pseuds/Bang%20Bang%20Beef%20Keef
Summary: Shot through the heartIt's not too lateI'll give give KlanceAn endgameKeith and Lance loved each other and lost each other, but they're finding they can be friends. Lance embarks on a new relationship with Allura while Keith does his best to be supportive. He is Lance's best support through everything that happens next and this does not go unnoticed by Lance.





	1. Visitation

**Author's Note:**

> If you found this fic by reading the first 3 in the series Beef Keef and Sharpshooter, you'll know I set up the ending of the last fic realizing Allurance would like be canon in season 8, at least for awhile. I was not prepared for how that played out, but that's... okay?... I can work with what I got. Klance will have the happiest of endings!!! My disclaimer though is since I'm working with canon season 8, yes there will be allurance. You've been warned. Also, there will be more plot than porn this time. I will not write any allurance porn. I couldn't even... ick... no... This time it's going to be a slow burn to get them back together so fair warning. I also haven't decided if I'll finish the story in this one work or if there will be two so I recommend subscribing to the series. https://archiveofourown.org/series/1159664
> 
> Also, I'm writing a fix it one shot to give Klance a happy ending that is unrelated to this series. You can subscribe to me as a user https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelamorrison then you'll get notified when it's up.

Keith was just drifting off when he heard someone clear their throat. Keith opened his eyes to see Lance standing in the doorway of his hospital room. “Nap time already?” asked Lance. “I thought it was snack time.”

“It is. I was just resting my eyes,” said Keith.

“Still sleeping a lot?” asked Lance, tilting his head with curiosity as he walked into the room.

“Yeah, brain isn’t 100% yet,” said Keith. “Healing without a healing pod takes so much time.”

“I know, right?” said Lance, grabbing a chair and pulling it up to the side of Keith’s bed.

“No IV today?” asked Keith, noticing Lance was untethered for the first time since he started their daily visits.

“I am unencumbered,” said Lance.

“So they’re sending you home soon?”

“Tomorrow,” said Lance. “The others have all been released. Just you and me left.” Keith knew Lance had been going to everyone’s room each day for a visit so his Keith visits weren’t special. Well, not to Lance they weren’t. To Keith they were the best part of his day.

“I’m jealous you’ll be free soon,” said Keith, pushing himself up to sitting. “I’m not even allowed out of bed yet.”

“Oh no, the lone wolf can’t run away,” joked Lance.

“Too soon,” snorted Keith. “So what’d you get?”

“Blue,” said Lance, pulling a jello cup out of his hoodie pocked. “What’d you get?”

“Red,” said Keith, grabbing his jello cup off his side table.

“Every time!” exclaimed Lance.

“Every time,” agreed Keith.

“I swear someone is doing this on purpose. Sucks though. I actually like strawberry.”

“Here,” said Keith, offering his jello to swap.

“Better idea,” said Lance. He took both cups and, with a pair of spoons, performed surgery on the jellos. He swapped half of each for the other so when he handed Keith back his cup it was strawberry on one side and blue raspberry on the other. “Now it’s mixed berry.”

It was cute. It was so friggin’ cute. It would be nice to tell Lance that he’s cute, but instead Keith said, “Thanks.”

“I create franken-jello and all I get in reaction to it is thanks?” Lance rolled his eyes. “Tough crowd.”

“You scooped jello, what do you want? A medal?”

“It would be nice,” said Lance. “It’s not like I got one for anyof the wars I participated in.”

“That’s fair,” said Keith, taking a bite of his franken-jello. Pretty good actually, but he’s biased towards the chef. The two of them fell into silence as they ate their jello. That was fine. Keith never felt the need to fill up silence with small talk. Some days when Lance visited they didn’t talk much at all. Mostly because all the days were exactly the same and there was nothing new to update each other on. Every once in a while though, Lance got this anxious expression on his face. Then the silence didn’t feel so comfortable.

“Lance, I keep… I keep feeling like there’s something you want to say to me, but you’re not sure how to say it. Look, if it’s about what I said before the Komar Robeast blew up…” That little thing where he told Lance he loves him… “Can you just focus on the part at the end where I said I wanted you to be happy and not feel the need to give me a speech that’ll ultimately sound like a second breakup? The first one is sitting fine with me. I don’t need a refresher.”

“Right…,” said Lance, looking thoughtful. “Can I just say one thing that’ll probably sound like a breakup line?”

“Fine. Spit it out,” said Keith, bracing himself for the worst.

“I’m sorry I implied you were just using me for sex,” said Lance, looking at the ground. “I know we were more than that. Brief as it was, you got me through a dark time in my life and I don’t regret any of it and I want you to be happy too.”

“Thanks for saying that,” said Keith, sincerely. “Also that was way more than one thing.”

“Whatever,” mumbled Lance. “I’m glad we can be friends after… all that…”

“Me too,” said Keith.

Lance suddenly flopped himself forward, bending at the waist and letting his head drop and connect with Keith’s shoulder so he was leaning his forehead there. It was so sudden and intimate that Keith gasped. The gasp annoyed him. Why did he have to be the kind of gay that gets startled every time a cute boy touches him?

“Lance?” said Keith, concerned about this behaviour.

Lance stayed put, leaning on Keith’s shoulder and looking down at the bed. Finally he said quietly, “It was so scary… those days when we weren’t sure if you were going to wake up.”

Lance’s concern for him manifested as a lump in Keith’s throat. “It was scary,” he said softly, “when Red wouldn’t come to you and we didn’t know if you were even alive.”

Silence made itself at home for while before Lance spoke again. “My scary lasted longer than your scary,” he teased. Of course Lance would turn this into a competition.

“You’re right. You win.”

“Vindication at last,” said Lance, still speaking into Keith shoulder. “Just… in the future, don’t die.”

“That’s a tall order,” said Keith. “We’re all dying in the future. Likely Shiro will get a few more deaths in for sure.”

Lance sputtered with laughter then he muffled it and said, “For serious though. I just… want you around.”

“You’re trying to tell me not to leave,” said Keith, translating Lance’s double-speak. “I know that’s like, your big trigger with me, but I’m not going anywhere. Because one, bed rest and two, I’m Voltron’s leader. I go where Voltron goes which happens to be where you go so…”

“And after?” asked Lance, he’d twisted his head so it was his cheek on Keith’s shoulder. This felt familiar and foreign. Cuddling with Lance, but not really.

“After?”

“After Voltron if that comes.”

“Then I’ll… I’ll…” Keith paused, working on wording for the next part. How did he say this without sounding like yet another declaration of love. “I promise I’ll be there when you want me to be there. Like I said when we were lifting the Komar Robeast, I’m going to learn to stand still. It’ll be my new promise.”

“New promise?” repeated Lance, raising up his head to gaze up at Keith’s face. “Why do we need a new promise?”

“Well, I figure the old promise has expired,” said Keith, feeling his face flush as he turned to look at the window in an attempt to hide it. “We used up all my firsts.”

“Used up your first?” cried Lance, sitting straight up again. “No! Nonononono you think all there is to sex is rounding the bases? Dude, we barely scratched the surface. We only used one toy, there is a whole playbook of kinks and fetishes we could’ve pulled from. Not to mention sex positions. I could’ve introduced you to a little thing called the Karma Sutra. Ever heard of it?”

Lance must’ve realized too late that all this talk had turned Keith bright pink. “Uh – I,” stuttered Lance, finally remembering to be embarrassed. “I don’t know where that came from. That was – wow- I made things awkward fast. Of course I will not introduce you to any of those things. Just forget I mentioned it.”

“Hey, maybe you’ll luck out and I’ll have memory problems from my head injury,” chuckled Keith, awkwardly.

“Keith, can I…,” began Lance. He had that hesitant look again. Oh no, he had another thing he felt like he needed to say, but would just remind Keith again that they’re over and make him sad. “… Talk to you as the leader of Voltron?”

“Yeah, of course,” said Keith, relaxing.

“It’s about my connection with the Red Lion. I think… I think Red wants us to be together.”

“What?” gasped Keith. He could not have been more thrown. Keith listened patiently as Lance explained his concern that Red would only let him call him if he thought about his deep feelings for Keith and that when they next needed to use the Lions again, Lance might not be able to be a Paladin anymore if he started to get over his feelings for Keith. This was not a favourite subject for Keith, but he kept his leader hat on while he considered what Lance told him. “Okay, so you think Red is fueled by our passion for each other, is that right?” Lance nodded. “I don’t think that can be true though.”

“Why not?” asked Lance.

“Because when I became Red’s Paladin, I didn’t like you yet,” said Keith, “and he still accepted me. Sure, it he took his sweet time letting down that particle barrier, but Red worked for me just fine. So maybe.., Maybe it’s less about the passion for a person and more about passion in general. I mean, I’ve always been a passionate person.”

“A real hot head,” agreed Lance.

“So maybe you won Red’s trust by discovering a passion for being a Paladin. And then your passion turned to me and that’s what it felt like what was powering Red for awhile.”

“You kinda make it sound like Red didn’t come in that one battle because I’d lost my passion as a Paladin.”

“I don’t think you did, I think you were just hurting and numb maybe.”

“Yeah,” said Lance, the tiniest bit of certainty creeping into his voice. “I didn’t know how to process our breakup so I was avoiding thinking about it and instead thinking about…” Lance trailed off then cleared his throat. “And I had just found my family and part of me wanted to imagine a world where we came back to an Earth that was exactly how we left it instead of fighting in another war.” 

“I hear you,” said Keith. Though Lance knew very well that Keith wasn’t nearly as attached to Earth as Lance was. Lance was what felt like home, but… Keith was going to have to figure out how to either attach that feeling to something else or deal with not having a home. “Red’s always been the most temperamental. He’ll always be trickier, but he did choose you, Lance. You’re a passionate person and I know you’ll figure out your connection with Red.”

“Thanks,” said Lance. “That’s actually really helpful. I’m… I’m glad we’re okay.”

“I am too,” said Keith and he really was grateful towards Lance for putting in the effort to normalize them as friends by showing up everyday to visit Keith. He wouldn't have known how to act without Lance taking the lead.

“Can I just…?” began Lance and Keith wasn’t sure what he was asking until Lance dropped his head back down to Keith’s shoulder. “It just… It feels nice.”

Keith sighed. “Just climb up here and spoon for real. We can watch TV.”

Lance’s face lit up Red’s console while powering up. Keith knew he had to eventually stop thinking that way about Lance, but he would miss it, miss the little thrills of noticing every little thing that Lance did that made that boy so special. He could indulge in his feelings just a bit longer, he reasoned. Until after the hospital, then he'd move on from his most important first, his first love.


	2. Lance's Last Day on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance asks out Allura and finds an unlikely ally in Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: canon Allurance moments.

Lance was watching the elevator doors closed when a hand stopped them. They sprung back open and Keith stepped inside. “Fancy meeting you here,” said Lance.

“We’re both going down,” said Keith, somehow failing to realize Lance was being cheeky.

“Let’s just hope this elevator doesn’t break down and trap us together,” said Lance, pushing on wards, hoping to get a joke started.

“You worry too much,” said Keith.

“Keith, I meant like before when that literally happened to us,” said Lance, in awe of Keith’s naivety.

“Oh right that,” said Keith, finally skipping forward to the same page as Lance.

“But I bet if we did get stuck, you’d get us out of it pretty quick. If you hadn’t had the idea to climb up the shaft, I probably would’ve climbed your shaft much sooner.”

“What does that mean?” asked Keith.

Lance frowned wondering if shouldn’t have made a sex joke. Maybe they wouldn’t be ‘those kinds of exes.’ “I just meant, maybe if we’d stayed locked in that elevator instead of breaking out we would’ve played out the whole ‘two people who supposedly hate each other but as soon as they’re stuck in an elevator together, have sex’ trope.” Keith looked so lost and Lance wondered if the word ‘trope’ had confused him. “Like on TV or movies. I swear I’ve seen the plot play out a hundred times.”

“I’ve never heard of this,” said Keith.

“Have you never watched TV before?”

“I never owned a TV before,” said Keith.

“Well, now you made it foster-kid sad,” said Lance.

Keith went silent and Lance worried that bringing up Keith being a foster kid on top of the elevator sex thing was way too much awkward for one encounter. Keith wasn’t even looking at Lance anymore, just staring at the panel. Well, this was going badly…

Lance thought back to earlier when he’d spoken with his mother on the phone. ‘It’s our last chance to have a big family dinner before we say goodbye to you. If you like you can invite someone. Someone special.”

The thought had crossed his mind that someone could be Keith. Maybe just invite him as a friend and not introduce him as his ex… That would be a whole thing, coming out to his family as bisexual… Of course now Keith wasn’t even looking at him because he’d made this elevator ride so awkward. (Why was it such a long ride down to the hanger?) How the hell would Lance be able to bring him to dinner without making it most awkward dinner known to man?

The elevator dinged as they arrived at the hanger. Oof. He hadn’t even decided if he was going to invite Keith or not. Now he was going to need to follow Keith around and babble nonsense to him until he could work up the courage to either ask him to dinner or just completely back off. Lance stepped out of the elevator. He looked back at Keith who still wouldn’t meet his eye and who hadn’t moved a muscle. “Aren’t you getting off?”

“I forgot something,” muttered Keith. “I’ll catch you later.”

“’Kay,” said Lance, watching the doors shut and sweep Keith away. He was disappointed in himself. Why did he need to be so wishy-washy? He was still feeling dumb about it when he Hunk sat down with him, gushing happiness over leaving for space again. Stupid space with his ex-boyfriend and his crush who was being hot and cold with flirting. Ugh. To make it worse Hunk started yammering on about the weird cartoon they’d based on them and how Allura and Keith were different on the show.

“Keith is friendly!” exclaimed Hunk with a laugh. “He’s happy all the time. I mean they got it so wrong. Plus, they’re hinting at some romance between him and Allura.”

“What?!” gasped Lance, jumping to his feet. “Keith and Allura? No, It should be Lance and Allura!” Wait… he said Allura and not Keith, right? He had to play it back in his head to ensure he’d said the correct name. Hunk seemed to be the only person on the team that wasn’t aware that Keith and him had been dating and he wasn’t about to out them.

“Ohh, a love triangle. I like where you’re taking this,” said Hunk, excitedly.

“No, it’s… it’s not about that,” said Lance, sitting back down. A love triangle between the three of them? He was already in one and it felt awful.

“Wait, that’s right. You said you were gonna ask Allura on a date. You asked her, didn’t you? Oh, and she said no. Oh, oh, man. Here I am, rubbing your face in it.”

“She didn’t say no. I… Well, I never asked her,” admitted Lance. Allura had confessed her feelings to Lance when they were lifting the Komar Robeast. Well… He was pretty sure. Keith had also been confessing his feelings at the exact same time so he hadn’t really heard exactly what either of them had said and he couldn’t ask either of them for a play back without explaining the reason he hadn’t fully heard them. Well, he could’ve lied and said the com cut out, but so much time had passed and both of them kept referring to ‘what I said’ as if Lance already knew. No, he was far too deep in this lie. 

“You chickened out?”

“I was going to ask her,” but I was worried about how Keith would feel… “but she’s been spending, like, every day in the med bay. Maybe… Maybe this just isn’t the right time.” How would Keith take it if Lance started dating again so soon after they’d ended things? With the very person he’d been jealous of no less…

“No, Lance, what? It’s the only time. After tomorrow we’re back in space fighting the Galra. There is no other time, literally. You’re asking her today, and that is final, young man.” Hunk had a point of course. This could be Lance’s only window with Allura. In space they’d fall back into their old roles and they’d just keep spinning their wheels. And hadn’t Keith told him in the hospital to not focus on the rest of what he’d confessed to Lance (whatever he’d confessed to Lance…,) but to take away that Keith wanted him to be happy?

He was keeping this in mind when he was at the final Earth debriefing. Normally he had a hard time focusing due to the fact that four months earlier he’d been banging Keith on the edge of the war room table (right in the spot Slav was currently sitting in.) But this time he was stressing over asking out Allura and the only thing in the meeting that registered with him was Shiro reminding them to take time for themselves tonight and be with the ones they love.

“Hey, uh, Allura?” said Lance, trailing after her and Romelle when the meeting let out.

“What is it, Lance?” asked Allura stopping and turning back to look at him.

Oh crap! Lance had just remembered he’d never actually asked anyone out before, only propositioned people for sex. “Oh, nothing much. Just, uh, checking in.” Crap. Crap. Crap. He was chickening out. “So, how are things?”

“I’m sorry, but I really need to be getting back,” said Allura, apologetically. 

“Oh, right, yeah, okay,” stammered Lance. That was as good a sign as any to abort. “Um, well, I don’t want to keep you so…” Lance turned and started to walk away, but got stopped by Hunk giving him the most cross look. Hunk actually spun Lance around by the head and kicked him in the butt. Lance stumbled forward, between Romelle and Allura. He caught his balance and turned and faced Allura and attempted once more this ‘asking out’ thing. 

“Oh, uh, actually, I was wondering if maybe, if you want to, you could have dinner with me tonight?” No, no! Not clear enough! “And my family. Dinner with me and my family?” Hunk gave Lance a big thumbs up. Romelle looked unimpressed. Allura just seemed startled. “My mom’s cooking for our last night together. I – I Just thought you could join us.”

“That sounds wonderful,” said Allura, which sent Lance’s heart racing, “But I can’t.” Oh well, Lance and tried and failed. At least now he knew the answer.

“Allura,” said Romelle, “I know you’re worried about Luca, but we’re worried about you. It’ll be good to get away for a night and clear your head.” Whoa! Romelle was the best wingman!

“Right, yeah,” agreed Lance, “all that stuff she’s saying. Totally.”

“Perhaps dinner would be nice,” said Allura. “I’d love to.”

“Really? Awesome! Dinner tonight. Us. Yes.” Lance gave her the finger guns then pumped his fist. He couldn’t believe after almost two years he’d successfully asked Allura out and she’d said yes. 

“Okay, Loverboy Lance,” said Hunk, slapping a hand on his shoulder. “Now walk away before she changes her mind.”

*********

Going to Coran next for advice on how to behave on the date with Allura was a huge mistake. Lance had never felt more insecure about his worthiness to date Allura. Not only that, but he’d escorted him to the kitchen and proceeded to cover Lance’s Garrison uniform with aprons, pots, pans, and a soup ladle. He topped the look off sausage links strung around his neck like a scarf. Supposedly this was supposed to mimic Altean courting vestments. Lance felt like the clearance rack at a Bed Bath and Beyond.

As terrible as speaking with Coran had gone, there was one more man he felt compelled to speak to before the date happened and unfortunately he had pretty low expectations of how well this would go. It took forever for Lance to track down Keith, his entire outfit jangling with every movement. Keith, naturally, had isolated himself out in the desert, sitting on Black’s forehead. Lance climbed up to join him.

“Man, you can be a real hard guy to find when you wanna be,” grumbled Lance.

“Hey Lance –” began Keith, but as he turned to face him, he jumped in surprise. “Whoa! What are you wearing?”

Lance sighed. He was sure he was blushing from embarrassment. “Coran made it for me for my date with Allura.” Brace… for… reaction…

“A date with Allura?” repeated Keith, his tone sounding intrigued. Lance sat down beside him, confused by this reaction. “Wow! Well done, Lance.”

Lance immediately relaxed a little. Keith had congratulated him. Things were cool. “Thanks, but it could be our last,” said Lance, pulling the chili pot off his head. “I can’t keep all these Altean customs straight.” Lance couldn’t even keep himself straight…

“Listen, if she’s going out with you, it’s because she likes you,” said Keith, reassuringly. “The annoying, stupid, Earth version of you.”

Lance chuckled. He felt so much lighter all of a sudden. “You watching the sun set?” Lance looked out a the beautiful view of the sun setting over the desert.

“Yeah. Might be a while before we get to see it again,” said Keith.

“Man, I’m really gonna miss this place.”

“That’s why we’ve got to end this war,” said Keith in full-on leader voice. “And we’re gonna do it with the Lance that’s the Paladin of the Red Lion. The Lance that’s always got my back. And the Lance who knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to offer.” Keith’s grey eyes were warm from the light of setting sun and when they met his, Lance felt that warmth spread inside his chest. Worries of things being awkward between them were chased away and Lance realized Keith could make him feel truly safe with the right words strung together.

“C’mon,” said Keith, watching the last bit of light dim at the horizon. He stood up suddenly.

“C’mon where?” asked Lance. 

“You can’t wear that on your date,” said Keith, still looking at the spot where the sun had just departed from. “I heard the mall’s open again. Let’s go check it out.”

Keith drove them to the mall on a Garrison bike. Lance tried to sit on the back and keep his hands to himself, but of course, since it was Keith driving, he found himself wrapping his arms around Keith’s waist and holding on for dear life.

“How come you have a Garrison bike?” asked Lance, peeling himself off Keith’s back when he’d parked. “I didn’t get issued a bike.”

“They don’t know I have it,” said Keith with a shrug.

“So you stole it? I’m noticing a pattern of theft with you, Keith. Are you a low key criminal?”

“Of course not,” said Keith. “Stealing this bike was a felony so I’m more like a high key criminal.”

Lance laughed then realized he recognized the group heading out of the mall. There was Romelle, Pidge, Nadia, Ina, and of course Allura. Oh no, this was terrible. Lance still had time to screw things up bad enough to have her cancel their date.

“Oh no!” shouted Romelle, whipping her body in front of Allura. “You two can’t see each other before the date, it’s bad luck!” 

“That’s weddings,” said Nadia. “Besides, she’s not dressed yet.”

“What are you guys doing here?” asked Lance.

“Getting Allura proper Earth attire for your date,” said Romelle, steering Allura past Lance. “And no, you cannot see what she got.”

Lance was touched Allura was going to all this effort before their date. Had even rounded up a girl squad to go shopping. Mind you it was the least feminine girl squad Lance had ever seen, but that was okay. He said farewell to Ina and Nadia then turned to see Keith in some kind of angry staring contest with Pidge. “You good to go, man?” asked Lance. “Looks like places are closing.”

“Let’s go,” said Keith, breaking eye contact with Pidge.

A lot of the stalls were packing up for the night, folding up their wares in the blankets they’d lay out on the ground. One clothing vendor inside a broken down storefront hadn’t closed his doors yet. “Are you open or closed?” asked Keith, poking his head in the door. 

“Open for buyers, closed for browsers,” answered the Unilu shop-keep.

“Go pick something and let’s get out of here,” said Keith, directing this at Lance.

“You’re not coming in?” asked Lance.

“I’ll wait outside,” said Keith, making a point of leaning against the wall.

“So you’ll wait outside and hold my purse?” asked Lance, raising an eyebrow.

“If you have a purse… sure,” grumbled Keith.

“You know who does that right?” asked Lance, raising an eyebrow.

“Me?”

“A boyfriend.” Lance grinned.

Keith went pale. He pushed off the wall and marched into the store. 

“Okay,” Keith muttered, shoving hangers back and forth on a rack like he’d seen what shopping looked like once in a movie and he was doing an impression of that. “What do you need?”

“Basically all the pieces to a date ensemble,” said Lance, taking his time to exam each piece on the rack in front of him. “Some of my old clothes survived the looting, but literally nothing fits anymore.” He’d grown while in space even if it wasn’t as obvious as Keith’s growth spurt.

“Do you have anything in black?” Keith asked the shop-keeper.

“Ignore him,” said Lance. “Black isn’t my colour and it wouldn’t hurt to expand your colour pallet, Keith. You could pick up a few things while we’re here.”

“I don’t need anything,” protested Keith.

“Don’t need anything?” gasped Lance. “Keith, you own one outfit and you outgrew it.”

“That’s not true. I have my paladin suit that stretches, my blade suit that stretches, and now two sets of Garrison uniforms. I’ve practically got a closet’s worth of clothes.”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Honestly, your style could use a bit of a spruce up to at least let people know you’re… you know…”

“Know what?”

“That you’re…”

“That I’m what?”

Lance was so incredibly frustrated. “That you’re gay, Keith. Nobody can tell!” 

“Oh.”

“I’m gayer than you. It’s ridiculous.”

“You’re not gayer than me,” protested Keith. “If anything you’re half as gay as me.”

“Okay, blowing past that bi-phobic nonsense…” Lance leaned in to whisper, “Do I really need to point out that I’ve had exactly as much sex with men as you have? My point is I at least act a little bit gay. You are completely unreadable.”

“You think clothes is the solution?” asked Keith.

“Truly I do,” said Lance, sweeping a rainbow skirt off the rack and holding it in front of Keith’s hips.

“No,” said Keith, swatting it away.

“Fine. Then just dress nicer, like you care what other’s think.”

“Not all gays are into their looks. I’m living proof. Do I really need to change myself so people can - what? Read me better?”

“I’m not talking full makeover here,” said Lance, leaning his chin on top of the rack. Honestly, if you added nice clothes and a stylish haircut to what was already an incredibly hot and buff boy, it would be far too much for Lance’s bisexual brain to handle. “We could do a subtle clue. Maybe add some skinny jeans and pierce one of your ears. Which ear is the gay ear?”

“Both my ears are gay and I see what you’re doing.”

“What?” asked Lance, standing up straight.

“You feel guilty about moving on so you’re trying to get me to put myself out there in hopes that I’ll find someone new to date too.”

“Well, it could be nice…,” blushed Lance, having been completely caught. “It doesn’t have to be about me.”

“Lance,” sighed Keith. “You don’t need my blessing to date someone else, but I’ve already given it to you. Plus I like being by myself. Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely.”

“Right,” said Lance. “I knew that. I didn’t mean to imply…”

“Here,” said Keith, randomly pulling three pieces off the rack in front of him. “These are your size and look new. I mean, they don’t have any stains or nothin’. They’re likely your best bet.”

“Keith,” said Lance, accepting the hangers and inspecting them. “I take back what I said about your gayness. You have the queer eye.”

Keith looked flustered. “I just picked the ones with no holes in them. Buy ‘em or don’t buy ‘em. I don’t care.”

“Well, I have to try them on first.” Lance didn’t mean to say this flirty, but it came out as such.

Keith was silent for a tick. “I’ll meet you by the bike,” he said, trying to walk away. Lance grabbed him by the arm.

“I need your opinion. Plus you can pick out shoes for me while I change.”

Keith slumped forward. “You need shoes now?”

“Just use your gay eye!” called Lance, curtaining himself into the change room.

“I don’t know your shoe size!” called Keith.

“You know it in your heart, bro!”

Lance went about unraveling the bands from his legs. It took awhile and then as he was bending down to take off his pants a pair of shoes unceremoniously slid under the curtain. “Shoes,” said Keith, deadpan. They were indeed the right size and they were nice. Keith actually did have the taste of a gay man, he just chose to not use it on himself.

“Thanks,” said Lance.

“Stuff fit?” asked Keith.

“Give me a sec. I’m coming out.” Lance realized how that sounded. Well, better late than never!

“I don’t need to see it,” protested Keith. Yeesh. Like he can’t glance at something and give it a thumbs up or thumbs down. Now Lance needed to torture him. He rolled up his sleeves, untucked his collar, and set his phone to play one of Pidge’s terrible electronica songs.

“Where’s that music coming from?” asked Keith.

“Ah, so you admit what Pidge creates is music?”

“You better not come out of that change room dancing, Lance, I swear - !”

Lance ripped open the curtain and struck a pose. Keith glanced at him then looked away with a blush. Okay, so Lance was being way too extra. “Well?”

“It works.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Get out of it so it doesn’t get wrinkled on the bike.”

Lance sighed. He really had been fishing for a compliment.

“It’s nice!” snapped Keith, picking up on Lance’s disappointment. “What else do you want me to say?”

Lance grinned and dipped back into the change room. When he had the outfit off he balled it up and tossed it over the top of the curtain calling out, “Think fast!” 

“Lance!” snapped Keith. “You’re gonna wrinkle it!”

Lance chuckled at Keith’s concern as he kicked the shoes out from under the curtain. He got back on his Garrison uniform, leaving off all the Coran added accessories, and came out of the dressing room. Keith had everything neatly folded on the sales desk as the Unilu shop-keep added up the prices. “You added that one twice. I saw you.”

“Prince is per foot casing,” muttered the shop-keep.

Lance dropped the aprons, pots, pans, ladle, and sausage links on the sales desk. “Here ya go. Everything you need to make Friday dinner plus Saturday breakfast. How’s that for a trade?” Lance had done plenty of tits for tats with alien vendors. He knew how to make a deal they couldn’t refuse.

“Are you kidding me?” grumbled the shop-keep. “I can’t even move the cookware I already have.” He nodded over to a corner with a pile of pots and pans stacked high. “What else do you have?”

“Uh… what else?” Lance regretted not stopping by the Garrison first so he could scrounge up some trade-ables. 

“Here,” said Keith, pulling off on of his gloves. “These are real Kaltenecker leather.”

Keith went to remove the second, but Lance slapped his hand down on top of Keith’s hand. “No, Keith. Don’t trade away your gloves. They’re iconic.” Keith didn’t respond because he was looking at their hands. They were basically holding hands. Oh no! Lance’s whipped his hand back. “Um uh, they’re special to you. Don’t give them up.”

“They’re just gloves, Lance. I wear them because my hands get cold, but they’re getting tight anyway.”

Meanwhile the Unilu shop-keep was inspecting Keith’s one glove. “Very well. I’ll take the Kaltenecker skin hand casing and the mud hog meat lumps as a trade for those these items.”

“Keith, don’t do it.”

Keith rolled his eyes and took off his second glove. “You can keep the cookware as a tip,” said Keith, accepting the clothes and folding them up into one of the aprons.

“Have a good evening!” said the shop-keep with a friendly wave. “Tell your friends!”

“We probably won’t,” said Lance with a wave, following Keith out. “Keith-,” said Lance, catching up so he could meet his stride. 

“I swear if you tell me I shouldn’t have done that…”

“No, I was going to thank you,” said Lance as they stepped out of the building. “You’ve been amazing every since I told you I was going out with Allura. You’re like the best ex anyone could ask for. I mean, I’d hoped we could be just like Jerry and Elaine -”

“Who?”

“You know, from Seinfeld. They dated but realized they were better as close friends.” Keith still looked lost. “Right. You’ve probably never seen Seinfeld.”

“Can’t say I have.” They’d reached the stolen bike, but Lance paused, distracted by looking up at the sky. “What?” gasped Keith, looking up. “Something coming to kill us?”

“No, nothing. I was just noticing the clouds from earlier had blown away.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? Starry night for your date.”

Lance frowned. “It’s just I’d heard there was a chance of rain today and I was hoping it would happen. It hasn’t rained the entire time we’ve been home.”

“Environment isn’t so great since the Galra took over the planet, but there are lead scientists working on weather machines. The draught will end eventually.”

Lance looked down. “Would’ve been nice had that been before we left. I just wanted to splash in some puddles.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t done a rain dance.”

“Really?”

“Seems like your thing. Do that cool rope one you did for the Voltron show.”

Lance gasped. “So you did think my performance was cool?”

“Lance, get on the bike or you’re walking home,” warned Keith, climbing on himself

Keith dropped Lance off at his doorstep. Lance went about thanking him again for his help then realized something. “Hey, do you wanna come inside… for a bit?” He’d never gotten the chance to show Keith his childhood home or introduce him to his family.

Keith looked up the road like he was already driving off in his mind. “Allura will be here soon. You better get changed.” And with that he took off with Lance left waving after him.

“He’s cute,” said Veronica, appearing behind Lance.

Lance stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You should’ve invited him to stay,” purred Veronica in a way that made Lance even more on edge.

“He’s busy!” snapped Lance, spinning so he could go inside to get changed.

“Oh, what’d you get?” said Veronica, chasing after him. “Did you go shopping?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 "Keith's Last Day on Earth" will be up in a day or two. Thanks for reading!


	3. Keith's Last Day on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith goes solo, thinking sexy thoughts about Lance. Later he finds out about "the date."

“Fancy meeting you here,” said Lance as Keith stepped into the elevator.

“We’re both going down,” said Keith.

“Let’s just hope this elevator doesn’t break down and trap us together,” said Lance, amusement in his voice.

“You worry too much.”

“Keith, I meant like before when that literally happened to us,” said Lance.

“Oh right that,” said Keith. That felt like a million years ago.

“But I bet if we did get stuck, you’d get us out of it pretty quick. If you hadn’t had the idea to climb up the shaft, I probably would’ve climbed your shaft much sooner.”

“What does that mean?” asked Keith.

“I just meant, maybe if we’d stayed locked in that elevator instead of breaking out we would’ve played out the whole ‘two people who supposedly hate each other but as soon as they’re stuck in an elevator together, have sex’ trope,” rambled Lance. What the hell was he talking about? Lance seemed to understand that he’d lost Keith so he added, “Like on TV or movies. I swear I’ve seen the plot play out a hundred times.”

“I’ve never heard of this,” said Keith, his head spinning.

“Have you never watched TV before?”

“I never owned a TV before,” said Keith.

“Well, now you made it foster-kid sad,” said Lance.

This was new information. So on TV if two people who hated each other got stuck in an elevator they’d end up having sex? He could’ve made a move last time on Lance and Lance might’ve gone with it? Or what if the elevator got stuck now? Keith’s eyes flicked to the panel. He could hit that emergency stop button. He could stop the damn thing then push Lance against the glass and kiss him… No, that wouldn’t be right. He’d ask to kiss him and then push him against the glass and kiss him. Then they’d strip naked and Keith would lift up Lance and press his bare ass against the glass and they’d fuck right there where anyone in the hanger could look up and see…

The elevator dinged, startling Keith out of his fantasy. Shit. He was hard. “Aren’t you getting off?” asked Lance, standing outside already. Did he have to word it that way?

“I forgot something,” muttered Keith. Luckily the jacket of his uniform was covering his erection, but he certainly couldn’t go walking around like that. “I’ll catch you later.”

It was a long ride back up, but still Keith didn’t manage to cool down. When he got back to his bunk, he was relieved to see Hunk, Kinkade, and Griffin were out of the room. He locked the door. Keith didn’t know the protocol in regards to jerking off to thoughts of your ex. He assumed it was frowned upon and up until now Keith had been good. He’d resisted the urge to have impure thoughts about Lance. Partially because he was first in the hospital and now had roommates, but mostly because he still got incredibly sad whenever he thought about his time with Lance. This was different though. The idea of fucking in an elevator was pure inspiration. He wasn’t going to be able to ignore his needs this time.

On the end of his bed Keith had a small bag packed for their journey tomorrow. His paladin suit, his blade suit, and his blade, which Krolia had returned to him in the hospital, were inside. Also, hidden in the inside pocket was his own stash of lube and condoms which was small compared to Lance’s, but far greater than what Keith had before (a.k.a. nothing.)

The red lube was passed over in favour of the Earth lube. Keith honestly couldn’t imagine attempting the red lube in a shared space. It seemed like he’d be asking for someone to walk in while his consciousness was barely aware of his physical body (and the naughty things he’d be doing to himself.) 

The first touch was so satisfying as Keith reclined himself on his bed, rubbing his length and spreading the lube all over. The last time he’d gotten off had been with Lance and that was four months ago. Granted, not close to his two year record, but he was never going to repeat that streak. Keith had not been planning to spend this time like this, but damn if Lance hadn’t gotten him hot talking about them having sex in the elevator. Didn’t Lance know what that would do to Keith or was he just absentmindedly running his mouth?

Mmm Lance’s mouth… Lance’s mouth felt so warm and wet and inviting. The way he’d blow Keith… like it was a competition, like he was being scored on performance. Lance could’ve done that in the elevator. Could’ve sunk to his knees with his blue eyes sparkling up at Keith as he undid his belt and fly and took Keith fully into his mouth.

Keith increased his pace, stroking his cock faster. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and bit down to keep from moaning.

Or… or… What if the first time they’d been stuck inside the castleship elevator Keith hadn’t been so anxious to get out and instead Lance had pulled down his swim trunks and sucked him off then?

Keith could hear the blood rushing in his ears. This was so intense so quickly. Running his hand over his dick felt so good when he thought about what could have been with Lance…

He’d be impatient, wanting more, wanting to pull down those blue trunks of Lance’s and turn him around, grinding himself against his ass, biting his neck. He never would’ve been so bold back then, but he could imagine it now. He could’ve had him on the elevator floor. Could’ve pulled Lance down into his lap. Could’ve entered him and had Lance bounce his beautiful body on his lap. He could’ve had him writhing and sweaty in his arms, moaning into his mouth as he came inside his perfect ass.

Keith moaned out loud as he came in his hand. Breathy little whimpers continued escaping his lips as he continued flicking his wrist through his orgasm. It was so intense and lovely. He wanted to ride it out forever, chasing the last of the sensation until it faded into blissful relaxation. He felt the first bit of peace he’d felt since arriving back on Earth.

After a quick wipe up, Keith rolled to his side and checked the time. He still had half an hour before the final debriefing. He could rest his eyes for ten minutes before needing to face Lance again and pretend he hadn’t just fucked him in his mind. He felt okay about that though, calm. He understood what Lance had told him once about how he liked to jerk off before meetings because he made him relaxed and happy. He could learn a lot from acting like Lance.

********

Shiro had recommended everyone spend time with their loved ones that evening. This was a bit of a loaded recommendation for Keith. There wasn’t anyone left on Earth for Keith to leave behind. He might’ve spent his free time with his mom if it weren’t for the fact that the Blade of Marmora didn’t know the meaning of taking a night off. They were locked in strategy meetings for the rest of the day. Alone with time to kill, Keith whistled for Kosmo. His wolf returned to him smelling vaguely of skunk, which answered Keith’s question as to where he’d been. They took Black and headed out to the desert.

Keith was letting his mind wander while watching the sun set when he heard Lance’s voice. “Man, you can be a real hard guy to find when you wanna be.”

“Hey Lance –” began Keith, tearing himself away from the view to see - “Whoa! What are you wearing?”

He had pots and pans all over him and a sausage links strung around his neck. Lance blushed, looking down at the ground. “Coran made it for me for my date with Allura.”

So this is what it felt like to have your heart torn into shreds…

His mouth somehow managed to continue on without him, “A date with Allura?” This was what a normal human voice sounded like right? “Wow! Well done, Lance.” Keith wasn’t overdoing the fake enthusiasm, right?

He could see Lance relax. He’d sold it. Lance had no idea how broken Keith felt. “Thanks, but it could be our last,” said Lance, pulling the chili pot off his head as he sat beside Keith. “I can’t keep all these Altean customs straight.” 

“Listen, if she’s going out with you, it’s because she likes you,” said Keith. Lance was an incredible person. Allura had to have noticed. How to word this so it didn’t sound like Keith was in love with Lance still? “The annoying, stupid, Earth version of you.”

Lance chuckled and looked out at the horizon. “You watching the sun set?”

“Yeah. Might be a while before we get to see it again,” said Keith. The last Earth sunset he’d truly appreciated was the night he’d rescued Shiro from Garrison quarantine. He’d had no idea what was in store for him then. He was just happy to have his Big Brother back. Of course he hadn’t felt so affectionate towards Shiro lately…

“Man, I’m really gonna miss this place,” said Lance, bringing Keith back to the moment.

“That’s why we’ve got to end this war,” said Keith. “And we’re gonna do it with the Lance that’s the Paladin of the Red Lion. The Lance that’s always got my back. And the Lance who knows exactly who he is and what he’s got to offer.” Date with Allura or not, Keith wanted to build Lance up because he was amazing and he shouldn’t doubt himself so easily.

It was the right thing to say. The mistake had been meeting Lance’s eye after and seeing those indulgent pools of blue opening up to him. He’d seen that soft look on Lance’s face before in their closest moments, in their best moments, in the moments where it felt like they were two connecting pieces in the puzzle of the universe. Keith didn’t have the strength to look away. He should’ve fought harder to keep those moments coming.

“C’mon,” said Keith, standing up as the last of the light dipped behind the horizon.

“C’mon where?” asked Lance. 

“You can’t wear that on your date,” said Keith. “I heard the mall’s open again. Let’s go check it out.”

********

The faster Keith drove, the tighter Lance clung to him. Keith drove so fast he even made himself nervous.

********

Bit of a bummer when they arrived at their destination. The journey had been the best part. “How come you have a Garrison bike? I didn’t get issued a bike.”

“They don’t know I have it,” said Keith with a shrug. He’d return it tomorrow. What were they going to do? Not let him leave Earth?

“So you stole it? I’m noticing a pattern of theft with you, Keith. Are you a low key criminal?”

“Of course not,” said Keith. “Stealing this bike was a felony so I’m more like a high key criminal.”

Keith’s good mood died a quick death as he saw Allura walking out of the mall with a group of the Garrison women. Allura had gone shopping for her date outfit too. This made it all too real. Keith would’ve felt sick if he hadn’t spotted Pidge and instantly felt angry.

While Lance started talking to the others, Keith grabbed Pidge’s arm and pulled her off to the side. “What you doing with Allura?” he hissed.

“What are you doing with Lance?” she hissed back. He should’ve expected that one. “Don’t tell me you’re helping him find clothes for his date.”

“You didn’t see him!” snapped Keith, now on the defensive. “Look how Coran has dressed him! I felt bad for him!”

“And I felt bad for Allura. I did a sympathy.”

“You’re not in love with Allura so that doesn’t make any sense!”

“Wrong. Mine make sense. I’m allowed to do nice things for friends because I don’t have a horse in this race. You, however, need to extract yourself from helping, Lance. Just stop. Don’t torture yourself.”

“I’m a grown man. I can handle myself.”

“You’re an idiot emo baby and you make the worst choices.”

Keith noticed Lance wasn’t chatting anymore so he couldn’t respond or he’d risk being overheard. Instead he just glared daggers at Pidge until Lance said, “You good to go, man? Looks like places are closing.”

“Let’s go,” said Keith, breaking eye contact with Pidge.

Shopping with Lance was… something new. Lance was very much himself, chatty and absurd. He was even flirty, at one point jokingly inferring Keith was his boyfriend and at another point bringing up the fact that they’d had sex. The realization that Lance wanted Keith to play makeover with him so Keith could attract a new man, stung. The realization that Lance was acting flirty because this was their last hurrah, destroyed Keith.

If the date went well tonight, this would be the end of single Lance. And why wouldn’t the date go well? You’d have to be an idiot to pass up your shot with Lance (See: This guy, right here.) But then again he didn’t trust Allura’s taste. She dated Lotor, didn’t she? Oh man, Keith wished he had a friend so he could share that sick Allura burn with them.

It was so clear that Lance had guilt over dating Allura that the burden fell on Keith to reassure again that it was okay. I mean, it wasn’t, but Keith had already made it his official stance that he was okay with it and he couldn’t back track now. “Lance,” sighed Keith. “You don’t need my blessing to date someone else, but I’ve already given it to you. Plus I like being by myself. Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely.” Lance was the only person who had made Keith want to date anyone. He was special. He couldn’t imagine lightning striking twice.

“Right,” said Lance. “I knew that. I didn’t mean to imply…”

“Here,” said Keith, picking up the clothing items he’d been eyeing since he’d walked into the shop, the ones he’d been longing to see Lance wearing since he’d zeroed in on them on the rack. “These are your size and look new. I mean, they don’t have any stains or nothin’. They’re likely your best bet.” A dark pair of slacks to compliment his long legs, a baby blue button up to make his baby blues pop, and a white and grey v-neck sweater to make him look soft and cuddly.

“Keith,” said Lance, accepting the hangers and inspecting them. “I take back what I said about your gayness. You have the queer eye.”

Keith went on the defensive, worried Lance had realized he’d actually put thought into his choices. “I just picked the ones with no holes in them. Buy ‘em or don’t buy ‘em. I don’t care.”

“Well, I have to try them on first.” That eyebrow raise. That damn eyebrow raise as Lance referenced getting undressed. Keith couldn’t do this.

“I’ll meet you by the bike,” he said, trying to walk away. Lance grabbed him by the arm. Keith was suddenly helpless again.

“I need your opinion. Plus you can pick out shoes for me while I change.”

Keith slumped forward. “You need shoes now?”

“Just use your gay eye!” called Lance, slipping into the change room and pulling the curtain across.

“I don’t know your shoe size!”

“You know it in your heart, bro!” Lance called through the curtain.

Ugh that was annoying. Yes, Keith could easily picture Lance’s feet and compare the sizing in his mind to the physical shoes. Lance had really cute feet. Sexy feet even… Keith wished he’d given those feet more attention. He wished he traced his tongue between his toes then pulled the biggest one into his mouth and given it a suck…

“Stop it,” Keith muttered to himself. He’d already gotten himself irreversibly turned on by fantasies of Lance once today. He would not repeat that at the mall. Not when his emotions were yo-yo’ing.

Keith pulled a tan pair of shoes off the rack, having mentally matched up the right fit. They weren’t the perfect colour to go with the outfit he’d picked for Lance, but they were the only pair that were both his size and clean. “Shoes,” said Keith as he slid them under the curtain and into Lance’s change room.

“Thanks,” said Lance. 

“Stuff fit?” asked Keith.

“Give me a sec. I’m coming out.” Now? Now Lance was going to come out? 

“I don’t need to see it,” protested Keith. He’d wanted to see Lance in those clothes, but not in this context, in a date with him context. How hard this was and why it was hard was starting to become clear in his mind. Lance was acting giddy because he was nervous for tonight and… and Lance had never gotten nervous for a date with Keith, had never had a proper date with Keith. 

When Lance had brought up the one night how he felt sad they hadn’t stayed on Earth at the Garrison together, hadn’t gotten a chance to notice each other then and start dating, Keith hadn’t been able to relate, hadn’t ever longed for something so normal before. He’d always been careful about wanting things… But now. Seeing Lance like this, he wanted it for them. He longed for it for them, for Lance to be nervously preparing for their first real date, for Lance inviting Keith to meet his parents to treat him like family and oh no, Keith was going to cry. He was considering making a run for it when he heard the first few beats of one of Pidge’s terrible electronica songs.

“Where’s that music coming from?” he asked.

“Ah, so you admit what Pidge creates is music?” Lance responded through the curtain.

“You better not come out of that change room dancing, Lance, I swear - !” What if he did Magic Mike again? Keith might die if Lance did another Magic Mike strip tease.

Lance tore open the curtain and struck a pose. Keith looked at him long enough to confirm that Lance indeed looked amazing in that outfit before turning away, heat rising in his cheeks. 

“Well?” pressed Lance, expecting confirmation on his handsomeness.

“It works,” said Keith, deliberately being as unexpressive as possible.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Get out of it so it doesn’t get wrinkled on the bike.”

Lance sighed. Keith’s attempts to hide his feelings had resulted in Lance not feeling as sparklingly gorgeous as he clearly looked. Didn’t that change room have a mirror?

Keith broke. He showed his cards. “It’s nice! What else do you want me to say?”

Lance grinned, confidence level maxed out. He dipped back into the change room and Keith was left with this horrible, awful swirl of emotions. Luckily Keith had spent his entire life learning to hide his feelings from others. The downside was sometimes they exploded as anger.

“Think fast!” yelled Lance, hurling the clothes over the top of the change room curtain.

“Lance!” snapped Keith, catching them mid air.. “You’re gonna wrinkle it!” Case in point…

Keith folded the clothes and presented them to the shop-keeper. He watched as the guy rang up prices in numbers that seemed too high for even Altean currency. “You added that one twice. I saw you.”

“Prince is per foot casing,” muttered the shop-keep.

Lance dropped the aprons, pots, pans, ladle, and sausage links on the sales desk. “Here ya go. Everything you need to make Friday dinner plus Saturday breakfast. How’s that for a trade?” Keith hadn’t actually remembered they’d need things to trade since they certainly didn’t have any gak.

“Are you kidding me?” grumbled the shop-keep. “I can’t even move the cookware I already have.” He nodded over to a corner with a pile of pots and pans stacked high. “What else do you have?”

“Uh… what else?”

“Here,” said Keith, pulling off on of his gloves. “These are real Kaltenecker leather.”

Keith went to remove the second, but suddenly Lance’s hand was holding his. “No, Keith. Don’t trade away your gloves. They’re iconic.” Keith glanced down at their hands. Too much. Too much contact with no warning. “Um uh, they’re special to you,” stammered Lance, pulling back. “Don’t give them up.”

“They’re just gloves, Lance. I wear them because my hands get cold, but they’re getting tight anyway.” Which was true, he could feel the stitching stretch when he made a fist which was, let’s face it, often. 

“Very well,” said the shop keep. “I’ll take the Kaltenecker skin hand casing and the mud hog meat lumps as a trade for these items.”

“Keith, don’t do it,” warned Lance.

Keith rolled his eyes and took off his second glove. He’d made the mistake once of not being willing to give things up for Lance. This was a small gesture, but it was something. “You can keep the cookware as a tip,” said Keith, folding up the clothes inside one of Lance’s discarded aprons. He was eager to get out of there.

“Have a good evening!” said the shop-keep with a friendly wave. “Tell your friends!”

“We probably won’t,” Keith heard Lance call out. “Keith-,” said Lance, catching up to him 

“I swear if you tell me I shouldn’t have done that…” Ugh. It would circle around to talking about feelings and Keith just couldn’t do it.

“No, I was going to thank you,” said Lance as they stepped out of the building. “You’ve been amazing every since I told you I was going out with Allura. You’re like the best ex anyone could ask for. I mean, I’d hoped we could be just like Jerry and Elaine -”

“Who?”

“You know, from Seinfeld. They dated but realized they were better as close friends.” Keith should’ve learned by now that when Lance started talking about people he’d never met before, they were actually characters in a TV show. “Right. You’ve probably never seen Seinfeld.” 

“Can’t say I have.” They’d reached the stolen bike, but Lance paused and looked up at the sky. “What?” gasped Keith, looking up. “Something coming to kill us?”

“No, nothing. I was just noticing the clouds from earlier had blown away.”

“Isn’t that a good thing? Starry night for your date.” Why did the word date taste like poison in Keith’s mouth?

Lance frowned. “It’s just I’d heard there was a chance of rain today and I was hoping it would happen. It hasn’t rained the entire time we’ve been home.”

“Environment isn’t so great since the Galra took over the planet, but there are lead scientists working on weather machines. The draught will end eventually.”

Lance looked down. “Would’ve been nice had that been before we left. I just wanted to splash in some puddles.”

Lance had brought up missing the rain a lot on the Castleship. Keith felt disappointed on his behalf that he hadn’t gotten to experience it again before leaving. It’s not like Earth was the only planet with rain, but they seemed to have a talent for arriving on planet in the nicest of weather. “I’m surprised you haven’t done a rain dance.”

“Really?” chuckled Lance.

“Seems like your thing.” He was obviously a dancer. “Do that cool rope one you did for the Voltron show.”

Lance gasped. “So you did think my performance was cool?”

Crap. He’d exposed himself. “Lance, get on the bike or you’re walking home,” warned Keith, climbing on himself.

*********

Keith drove fast again. Lance held on tight to him, but it was Keith who needed to let go.

*********

Keith dropped Lance off at his folks’ place, listening to the thanks Lance gave for all the things Keith kinda regretted. “Hey, do you wanna come inside,” said Lance, out of the blue. “… for a bit?” Right… because he’d need to clear out before Allura got there…

Honestly, there was a part of Keith that longed to become a Lance Historian. That wanted to go inspect the relics of Lance’s upbringing and piece together a picture of how the boy he loved was formed, but… He couldn’t accept the role of warm-up act, of getting to see inside Lance’s childhood home and meet his family, only to be shooed off stage before the main act. He didn’t want to be a tourist in Lance’s life, not when it would be so easy to picture what it would be like to go in there and be given a seat at the table.

Keith couldn’t even look at Lance. He had to stare off into the distance so Lance couldn’t read his hurt expression. “Allura will be here soon. You better get changed.” And with that he made his quick escape.

What Lance had said about them being Ellen and Larry? Or was it Alanis and Jared? What Lance had said about them being those characters wasn’t true. They weren’t going to be this amazing pair of exes that were also close friends. Keith knew what would happen if Lance became Allura’s boyfriend, he would retreat into their relationship and Keith would retreat as well because it would be too painful to watch them fall for each other. As soon as it was official, they’d realize together, but separately that it wasn’t okay to be close friends with your ex.


	4. Their Last Night on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith makes new friends...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief canon Allurance.

Pidge opened the door to find Keith on her front stoop looking record level gloomy for someone who is already so emo. Pidge leaned up against the doorframe with a smug look on her face. “Let’s hear you say it.”

Keith sighed. “I made a huge mistake.”

“And…?”

“And I’m an idiot.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, but I’ll take it,” said Pidge, with a satisfied nod.

“Can I hang here for a bit?” asked Keith, crossing his arms across his chest. “I need something to distract me. I can’t stop thinking about –”

“The love of your life tongue deep in Altean vag?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” asked Keith.

“Nothing. You’re the miserable fuck.”

“And I’m leaving,” said Keith, turning around.

“Oh, whatever,” snorted Pidge. “Just get in here.”

Keith followed because what else was he going to do? They walked through the living room and ran into Colleen who was in the middle of packing.

“Mom, you remember Keith?” said Pidge heading up the stairs. Keith got one foot on the step before Colleen stopped them.

“Hold on, young lady,” said Colleen. “I don’t think a teenage girl who is grounded should be inviting an adult man up to her bedroom late at night.”

“Mom, you’re reading this wrong,” said Pidge. “Keef is the gay and I never got a visit from the attraction fairy so we’re planning on having negative sex.”

Colleen groaned at her daughter’s wording. “That is not the proper way to ask if you can have a guest over, Katie.”

Pidge sighed. “Can my sad gay friend please hangout in my room?”

“He leaves at ten,” said Colleen, turning back to what she was doing.

“Eleven and he’s gone. Thanks mom!” shouted Pidge, pounding up the stairs. Keith followed her.

“Thanks, Mrs. Holt,” said Keith, calling over his shoulder.

“No later than eleven thirty!” yelled Pidge, before slamming her bedroom door shut.

“Thanks for inviting me in,” said Keith, feeling too awkward to sit on her bed and instead lowering himself to the floor. “The only people who know about me and Lance are you, Shiro, and Krolia and anytime I bring Lance up with Krolia she starts planning his assassination.”

“Yeah uh huh,” said Pidge, moving over to the window and opening it up. “So do you want to legit talk about this or do you want to sneak out to the garage, steal the laser prototypes my dad’s been working on, and shoot cans out back?”

“Yeah,” said Keith, kinda in awe of Pidge at the moment. “Let’s do that.”

*******

Keith and Pidge snuck back into her window just after eleven having blown off some steam shooting lasers at tin cans. They came downstairs at which point Colleen informed them she knew they’d snuck out and sent Pidge back up to her room. She then invited Keith to crash on the couch if he was tired and didn’t want to drive back to the Garrison. He was grateful since he didn’t have a childhood home to go sleep in and his mom was busy plotting strategy with the other Blade members tonight.

Keith was used to sleeping practically anywhere, but for some reason the Holt’s living room couch felt like the most uncomfortable thing ever. It didn’t help that Matt’s girlfriend was plugged in, charging for the night in the same room and her fans kept making a little whirring noise every few minutes. Honestly though, Keith couldn’t get images of Lance and Allura enjoying themselves on their date out of his head. Finally he opened his eyes, accepting sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon. He sat up on the couch and noticed a little red light moving outside the patio door windows. He got up and padded over in bare feet and slid open the door.

Colleen was out on the deck, taking drags off a vape pen and blowing out the steam. It was the vape that was glowing red.

“Sorry,” said Keith, feeling like he was intruding.

“I know, I know,” said Colleen. “It’s a bad habit, but it’s one I picked up while my entire family was missing and presumed dead. It calms me down.”

“No, it’s fine,” said Keith, finding he needed to make a decision on whether he was in or out. He stepped out onto the deck and slid the door shut. “Are you nervous?”

“Well, I’ve never been to space before,” said Colleen. “I wonder if it’ll come as naturally to me as it has to the rest of my family.” Colleen raised her eyebrow and sized him up. “Hey, how old are you?”

“Um, twenty-one… I think.”

“You think?”

“Time got a bit weird,” said Keith, scratching the back of his head. “I think by Earth standards I was supposed to be twenty-two by now.”

“Ah,” said Colleen, with a nod. “Time is relative.” She then bent down to a cooler at her feet and grabbed a couple beer. She offered one to Keith. “Might help you sleep.”

Keith accepted it. He’d never had any kind of Earth based alcohol before, but why not? The two of them cracked them open at the same time. Keith took a sip and made a face. Gross. Why did everyone go nuts for this stuff?

“I’m not a fan either,” said Colleen, “But the looters hit my wine cellar and took what was most precious to me. They could’ve stolen our family photo albums, but no. They took the wine.” Keith must’ve been looking awkward because Colleen clarified with, “That was a joke.”

“Funny,” lied Keith.

Colleen shook her head and took another sip of her drink. Keith did the same. He decided he liked that about holding a beer. If you didn’t know what to say, you could just take a sip.

“So… who’s the boy?” asked Colleen.

“Gah- wha?” choked Keith, nearly spitting out his beer. “What did Pidge tell you?”

“Katie told me you were gay. Your face told me you were suffering. It wasn’t a huge leap to the conclusion that you were in love. So who’s the boy?”

“No one,” said Keith defensively, but then something inside him cracked, “And… everything…”

“Ouch,” said Colleen. “Got it that bad, huh?” Keith didn’t respond. “C’mon, kid. My son is dating a robot and if Katie ever dates it’ll likely be another robot – I’m looking at no grandchildren unless they build them themselves – so I’m starved for young human gossip. Do me a favour and spill just a little.”

“I think… I think I broke his heart. I know he broke mine. Or maybe I broke my own. Jury is still out on who is to blame.”

“These things are rarely that simple,” agreed Colleen.

“But I did something really stupid tonight. I helped him get ready for a date with someone else.”

“Why?” asked Colleen.

“I don’t know. I think I wanted so badly to be okay with it that I overreached and pretended like I was super okay with it.”

Colleen nodded. “We all do that sometimes. Invest too hard in the version of ourselves we want to be. Or at least want to be perceived to be.” Colleen gave him a friendly nudge with her elbow. “It wasn’t that dumb of you. You thought you could fake it to make it. It’s a winning strategy most of the time.”

********

If there was one thing Lance had done wrong with Keith was he held back on telling him how he felt, held back for years if he counted the Garrison… He never even got up the courage to tell Keith that he loved him. Only implied it once when they were breaking up and immediately took it back. He wouldn’t do that again, wouldn’t withhold affection like that. Maybe his heart was like this ash tree, dead to the world, but maybe Allura could heal it as well, could infuse her own quintessence into it until it came back to life and it didn’t just live, but thrive.

Shiro had told him that Lance had the gift to open himself up to people. He also said Allura and Keith were a lot a like. Then maybe what he needed to do to make it work this time was to be the opposite of who he was with Keith and give Allura all of himself from the start.

“I – I don’t care if this is only our first date. I…” Push through it, Lance. Do things right this time. “Allura, I –”

********

“I really missed my shot,” said Keith.” I could’ve told him not to go, told him one more time that I love him.” Wow, this was a lot of sharing for Keith. Was this what beer does? He wasn’t even half a bottle in.

“Here’s a little old timer perspective,” said Colleen. “There isn’t just one shot or one right moment. If a person is the person for you then there’s going to be a lot of chances. If it’s someone you could only land in the exact right moment then that’s not who you fit with…”

*******

“You truly feel that way?” asked Allura.

Lance stepped up to her, took her hand, and placed it on his chest. “With all my heart.”

*******

“So… it might not be over for us?” asked Keith.

“Hunny, it was either over before it began or it is never over.” Colleen got a sly smile while swirling her bottle, the swishing of liquid filling the nighttime silence. “Sam wasn’t single when I met him…”

“What?” asked Keith, stretching out the word.

“Took years to rectify that situation. What I doubt you’ve figured out yet is real, lasting love isn’t a roller coaster. It’s not ups and downs. That feeling can be addicting, but when you know you’ve really made it is when you two can just coast together.”

Keith nodded. “I don’t know if having hope is the right thing. I might be happier if I just found a way to get over him.”

“Would you now?” asked Colleen, knowingly. “Be happier?” Keith didn’t have an answer for that so he just kept sipping at his drink. There was a smell in the air tonight that Keith couldn’t quite place, but it was nagging at his memory. Colleen seemed to be amusing herself with her own thoughts. “Your mom,” she said, suddenly. “She’s purple?”

“Uh yes.”

“I like her. She’s got spunk.” Then Colleen gave a bit of a snort laugh. “Sorry if I’m off. I had a few of these before you joined me. Nice to have a drinking buddy.” Colleen stuck out the butt of her bottle. Keith understood the gesture and clinked it with his own.

“I’m going to miss nights like these,” said Colleen, looking out over her property.

“Me too,” agreed Keith.

“I’m definitely sneaking beer on board the Atlas though,” said Colleen, “and I’ve got a fermentation system ready to implement in order to make my own wine. Not to mention I could make my own home brew with the yeast I’m bringing. So be sure to come have a drink with me if you ever have a night off from being the leader of Voltron.”

“I won’t,” said Keith, “It doesn’t work like that.”

Colleen shrugged. “Consider it an open invitation.”

“Thanks.” 

“And spread the words to the other young adults that I’m cool and can hook them up with booze,” said Colleen. “I want lots of gossip sources.”

“Sure,” said Keith, though really who did he actually speak to? Apparently Colleen and Pidge, who had secretly been fun this whole time.   
*******

Lance waved goodbye to Allura in the passenger seat of Louis’s car. He’d volunteered to drive her back to the Garrison. Lance had not invited her to spend the night with him, which was also the opposite of Keith.

He watched the car drive off and waited until was out of site so he could do twirl and let out a cheer. He’d done it. He’d made things official with Allura. He used to have a boyfriend and now he had a girlfriend. As a bisexual he was cleaning up.

Lance was still spinning when he felt the first drops hit him. He stopped in the dirt and looked up only to catch a raindrop in his eye. He’d been so distracted, he hadn’t even noticed cloud roll in, but then suddenly out of nowhere it was pouring, soaking his new clothes. It took a moment for him to really believe this was happening. How was this happening?

Rain dance. He’d done a rain dance.

A grin broke out across Lance’s face as he resumed his spinning. He’d wanted this for so long, had never thought it would happen, but finally… rain.

******

Keith was nearly finished his beer when he felt the first few drops. When his brain made the connection that the water droplet on his hand had come from the sky he finally figured out what that smell was. He’d smelt the rain before it started.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” said Colleen. “It’s been awhile.”

It went from a sprinkle to a pour in a matter of moments and although Keith wasn’t one to enjoy getting caught in the rain and although Colleen had retreated under the awning, he stood there and turned his face to the sky. He let the rain hit his face and drench his clothes. He thought about Lance and hoped he was outside right now, splashing in puddles.

‘Congrats, love. This truly is your night.’

********

Keith woke up to Pidge standing over him, daylight streaming far too bright through the patio doors. “My spies have gathered intel,” she said rather than good morning. “Do you want me to rip the band-off quick?”

“I can already tell what you’re getting at so -”

“The date went really well,” said Pidge. “Rover brought me back photo evidence.”

“I don’t wanna see it,” groaned Keith, burying his face in the couch cushions.

“I insist you face your shame,” cried Pidge, smacking him on the back of the head with a pillow.

“No!”

“You gotta get up eventually. We gotta go to space.”

“I don’t wanna,” muttered Keith, wrapping his arms tightly around the couch cushion.

“Mom!” called Pidge. “Keith’s gone full teenager and won’t get up!”

“Keith Kogane!” bellowed Colleen. “You get up this instance and you go to space!”

Keith groaned and sat up. How come last night he’d been convinced that these two women were cool? They weren’t. They were evil gremlins. “Here ya go,” chirped Pidge, shoving her laptop into his lap. On the screen was a photo of Lance and Allura together, supposedly on their date.

Keith threw his arm across his eyes. “No! Why would you do this to me?”

“Face your shame,” repeated Pidge. Keith kept forgetting that Pidge at no point had confirmed she was routing for him.

“Katie, stop,” warned Colleen. Keith heard her approach behind him. “Ohhhh, it’s Lance you’re in love with. He was my second guess. Is he bisexual? I can see that.”

Keith groaned, dropping his arm. He didn’t want to look at the photo, not directly, but turning his head it kinda seemed like Lance had a freaked out expression on his face. No, he had to be projecting. That’s when Keith realized him and Lance had never taken a photo together and therefore he needed to go cry in the bathroom. “Excuse me,” he said, getting up and letting Pidge’s laptop fall back into her arms.

“That was too much,” he heard Colleen scold as he escaped the room.

********

There had been a long debate when they’d been presented with their special Paladin uniforms from the Garrison. Should the uniforms have matched their Lions or their armor? Whoever had designed them had decided to match their armor. Keith didn’t care really. Both Red and Black were his colours, but when Lance approached him backstage before the Final Earth Address, he was certain at a glance that choosing their armor colours had been a good call. Lance always stunning in Blue.

“Hey,” said Lance, looking incredibly anxious. “I want you to hear this from me. I –”

“You and Allura made things official,” said Keith, cutting to the chase.

“Uh, yeah,” said Lance, his eye flitting away. 

Keith wasn’t certain if he was supposed to congratulate Lance or something. It felt too insincere, but he could see Lance needed some reassurance so he thought about what Lance would’ve done had the roles been reversed. He clapped a hand down on Lance’s shoulder. Startled, Lance met his eyes. “Lance,” said Keith, evenly. “It’s okay.”

Lance gave him a small, relieved smile. “I have something for you,” said Lance, going into his pocket as Keith pulled back his arm. “Here,” said Lance, holding out his fingerless.

“My gloves?” said Keith, surprised to see them again. “Don’t tell me you traded those clothes back.”

“No,” said Lance. “I got those muddy playing in puddles last night. Actually, I brought in my old clothes, the ones that didn’t fit anymore and traded them for your gloves.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” said Keith.

“I wanted you to have them back. You never should’ve traded them. You don’t have to give up something of yours just to make me happy,” said Lance then he laughed, nervously. “Whoa, that sounded like a metaphor, but I literally just meant I want you to keep your gloves.”

“Thanks,” said Keith, accepting them and slipping them back on his hands.

“Plus it wasn’t hard getting them back. I’m awesome at trades with aliens,” said Lance with a cocky chuckle. “Good luck with your speech by the way.” Lance gave a little farewell wave as he headed off to greet Allura.

Keith watched him approach her, but turned away when he went to kiss her. He realized Lance really was good at trades with aliens. He’d traded in an emo half-breed for a purebred Altean princess.


	5. Itch You Can't Scratch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith have very interesting conversations... But not with each other.
> 
> (Quickly touches on episodes 3 and 4, focused on episode 5 of season 8.)

This was fucking wrong, but it felt so good, Lance didn’t care. Could only moan and squirm. He looked down at the end of the bed to see Keith doing his good work, slurping away. Keith went from sucking his Lance’s pinky toe and switched over to hovering above the big toe.

“The big one?” asked Keith, a naughty twinkle in his eye.

“Oh, yes, the big one,” agree Lance. “It’s so dirty.”

Keith wrapped his hot little mouth around Lance’s big toe. He gave it a suck and pop as it left his lips then he went about tracing his tongue between his other toes. Lance had no idea foot stuff would feel so good. Wait… when had they decided to do this? Also… wasn’t Lance with Allura now?

Lance started himself awake, sitting bolt upright. Just a dream… but then why did he still feel Keith’s tongue? 

Lance pulled off his blanket to discover Pidge’s dog, Bae Bae, on his bed, lapping away at his feet.

“Bad Bae Bae!” snapped Lance, yanking his foot away. “This is the last time I let you sleep in here with me!” The pup jumped off the bed and scuttled over to the door. The thing opened up automatically for him and shut after he’d gone.

Lance lay back, rubbing his face with his hands. Why did his brain have to take the sensation of a dog licking his feet and turn it into a wet dream about Keith sucking his toes? Lance wasn’t even in to shrimping. At least he didn’t think so. Lance sighed as he looked down at the bulge still in his pj pants. Ugh. He was going to need a cold shower. There was no way he was touching that thing. It was created under the shadiest of circumstances.

Frigged and wet, Lance toweled off while thinking over what just happened. He suspected he knew why he was having sexy dreams about Keith and it wasn’t just because he hadn’t gotten off in awhile. He had a guilty conscious. He was going to need to get something off his chest or he’d never get a proper night’s rest, Bae Bae in his room or not.

This conversation would happen today. That was a given.

That was not a given. Lance hadn’t expected to immediately swept off onto a mission the moment he walked out of his room. He definitely wasn’t expecting the seizing of a rogue Galra base to turn into a second mission to investigate a distress signal on a ghost ship with a creature out of a horror movie that was out for Keith and a Galra Warlord’s blood. He never would’ve expected intel gained from that mission to lead them to splitting off from the Atlas so they could go searching for another Honerva Komar Robeast on their own.

“We’ll split up,” said Keith. “The Atlas will continue working with the Galra while Voltron searches for Honerva and her beasts. 

“You’ll be out there on your own,” warned Shiro, “without back up.”

“We’ll be okay,” said Keith. “Voltron is stronger now than ever.”

Lance was glad to hear Keith say that. Glad to feel it was true. Their dynamic was solid. Lance’s fear that he couldn’t pilot Red without loving Keith proved to be false. Keith had advised him to concentrate of being passionate and it had worked. Of course that passion started to wane after three days searching eleven star systems and coming up broke. 

It felt a lot like the journey back home, a whole lot of nothingness. Hunk, Pidge, his girlfriend, and his ex-boyfriend were all reduced to voices in the air. Lance hadn’t forgotten that conversation he needed to have, but still he wasn’t sure how to hail someone privately. He did feel like he’d rather talk about this face to face. At night no one was coming to visit him. Keith had no reason to zap over and Allura didn’t have access to a cosmic wolf. Lance wasn’t sure if she’d want to spend the night in his bed. They were taking things slow. Extra slow considering he hadn’t seen her face in three days.

That changed when they reached Olkarion. It wasn’t a happy reunion since they only left their Lions to investigate the ruins of the planet. The loss of such a great civilization was devastating. The only gain was Pidge now had a way to track the movement of Honerva’s beasts. She’d bring that knowledge back to the Atlas. Rendezvousing with the Atlas would have lots of perks like proper showers, proper bedrooms, proper meals, and of course proper places to have private face-to-face conversations so Lance could finally unload his guilty conscious.

Did the rendezvous actually happen? No. They were lured to a volcano-ridden planet by a group of space pirates and were forced to abandon their Lions. In retrospect, abandoning ship was a mistake because the pirates had drones that could track the Paladins through their suits.

“If we want to avoid detection, we need to lose our suits and our Bayards,” said Pidge.

“Remove our armor?” gasped Allura. “In this place?”

“Has anyone read the atmosphere?” asked Hunk, concerned. The visors in their helmets gave them readouts like this that helped them determine whether it was safe to remove their helmets on new planets. “Oxygen low, CO2 High. We’re not going to last long. A few hours, tops. We need our suits to survive.”

“Yeah, at this point, we’ll survive longer without them,” said Keith.

“So, keep our suits on and risk getting blasted,” said Lance, considering their options. “Or take our suits off and try to live long enough before dying from poisoned air.”

“Your call, Keith,” said Pidge. They all looked towards their leader.

“We take them off,” said Keith. “As long as we get to our Lions while we’re still breathing, we’ll be okay. If we keep our suits on, we’ll never make it.”

“That’s a big if,” said Lance.

“Anyone who wants to stay in their suit can,” said Keith. “But that means separating from the group so you don’t put us all in danger.”

The other Paladins all shared a look before getting to work removing their armor. They left their chest plates and helmets for last, taking their last few breaths of clean air. Lance dropped his helmet and turned back towards Keith to find him still fully suited in his armor.

“What are you doing?” asked Lance.

“I’m not taking mine off,” replied Keith.

“This isn’t the time to get shy! Especially not after you ordered us out of ours.”

“I’m going to go off on my own to draw the drones away. Hopefully the pirates will be tracking me and will follow too. That’ll give you all the best chance to make it to your Lions.”

“Your plan is to split up?” Lance cried. “That’s a terrible idea! Haven’t you ever seen a horror movie?”

“When you get to your Lions, find a way to contact the Atlas,” said Keith before turning and taking off at a sprint.

“Hey!” yelled Lance after him. Keith was so stubborn. The last time they separated Keith was almost eaten by a weaponized creature.

“We’ve got to get moving,” said Pidge. Lance looked back to see the others had stashed all the armor.

******

You know what’s worse than splitting up? Splitting up a second time! Pidge and Hunk decided to take a different route. For the record, Lance was very much against the split. “We have a better shot at making it if we split up” always equals “some of us might die, but some of us might live.”

Now he was running through the woods with just Allura. This only positive thing is this was the first bit of alone time they’d had together in four days. Romantic, right?

But what if another four days passed before they got another chance to be alone? Worse, what if they died and Lance took this secret to the grave? And that’s the story of how Lance decided to have a very serious conversation in the middle of running for their lives.

“Allura, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Now?” asked Allura, her arms pumping as they ran.

“It has to be now because I’m getting worried I’ve left it to long, but it wasn’t the right time to tell you before we were dating. Maybe it would’ve scared you off.”

“What is it?” asked Allura, her voice suddenly concerned.

“I think it’s a normal conversation to have,” said Lance, trying to downplay his own anxiety. “I mean in every new relationship there comes a point where you go over your dating history and tell each other about your exes.”

“Yes, that sounds normal, but why can’t it wait?”

“Because my ex is Keith,” said Lance, rushing through the words.

“Your ex is…?” echoed Allura. “Earth Keith? Paladin of Voltron Keith? Team Leader Keith?”

“The one in the same.”

Allura went back to looking ahead, pumping away with her arms as she ran beside him, but then she looked back and said, “I’m sorry. I’m thrown here and very confused. When were you and Keith together?”

“On the journey back to Earth.”

“But we were all separated into our Lions.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” said Lance, embarrassed.

“So dated someone who we still see every day? Who is one fifth of our very small team?”

“I know it sounds bad,” said Lance. There was a boulder to avoid so they were separated for a second, before converging again on the other side. “But Keith are I are over. There’s nothing there anymore and Keith’s fine with us dating.”

Allura’s voice took on her angry tone. “You had to ask permission from Keith to date me?”

“No, I didn’t ask! He just, he told me it was okay.”

They’d run into a cave. With it providing cover, Lance decided it was time to stop and catch his breath. Allura stopped beside him, glaring at him while panting. Finally she said, “So he felt he needed to bless this relationship?” 

“No, he didn’t,” sputtered Lance, he was saying things all wrong. “I meant he said it on his own as his way of being supportive of us and he is supportive. He helped me get ready for our first date.” Allura crossed her arms and looked down at the ground. “I know it’s awkward and you can take your time deciding how you feel about this, but I just wanted to be honest with you.”

Allura expression went from angry to concerned. “Well, if we’re being honest and talking about our history, Lotor and I…”

“I kinda figured about Lotor,” said Lance. That wound wasn’t exactly healed yet.

“Lotor was… a mistake,” said Allura. “But you forgave me for trusting him and honestly that’s how I began to realize my feelings for you.” Lance felt so touched, Allura hadn’t talked about her feelings for him much so it was a relief to hear her say it. “Which means I can certainly forgive you for making a mistake with Keith.”

Lance’s mouth went dry. Mistake with Keith? Had Lance implied that or was Allura just assuming? He thought about correcting her, but how would she take that? Would it just restart the fight? “We should probably talk less,” said Lance, dumbly. “We’re inhaling too much CO2.”

They began running again through the cave until they found an opening and emerged back inside the forest. Even though Lance had had the conversation he’d set out to have with Allura, he still felt guilty. He must’ve not done it right.

“Okay, if my volcano logic is correct, the Lions should be on the other side of this –” Lance was about to say thicket when a pirate burst through the dead bush and punched him right in the face. He fell back, hitting the ground, hard. The pirate aimed her blaster at him. “Allura, get out of here! Go!” Lance went to lunge forward to take the blaster fire before it could hurt Allura, but another pirate stomped down on his back. Lance looked around, he’d wanted to protect Allura, but he was pined and also… Allura was gone. 

“Looks like she left,” said the pirate with the blaster. She just… she took off? No dramatic, ‘I won’t leave you?’ Just, actually listened to him… Was she mad at him over the whole Keith thing? “Don’t worry. We’ll find her for you.”

Lance noticed her half a second before she attacked. Allura had used her shapeshifting magic to blend her skin to the colour of the trees, her suit was close in colour to the burnt trunk. She revealed herself as she attacked the pirate pointing the blaster at Lance. She punched her so hard with her Altean strength that she was thrown into the other pirate, who’d been pining Lance down.

Lance looked up at Allura, so grateful she’d stayed to save him. He couldn’t believe he’d doubted her, thinking she’d abandoned him as soon as things got hard. “Thank you,” he said.

A shadow from above covered them. The Atlas had arrived. They were saved.

*******

“I don’t need the sickbay, Shiro, I’m fine.” That was Keith’s voice and he sounded defensive. “I had my suit on almost the entire time.”

Lance walked out of the sickbay where im, Allura, Hunk, and Pidge had spent the last few vargas in there being treated for CO2 poisoning. Out in the hall was Keith with Veronica and Shiro. “You don’t look fine,” said Shiro. “The way you’re holding your arm like that.”

“It’s just sore from lifting Zethrid, but it’s not broken or nothin’.” Keith lifted said arm to demonstrate it was still functional.

“You lifted Zethrid?” gasped Lance. Keith and Veronica turned to look at Lance. Shiro threw up his arms in exasperation and walked away.

“Pulled her up with just his arm when she was dangling over a cliff after I shot her,” said Veronica.

“Whoa! What did I miss?”

“You missed me saving Keith from getting thrown over the ledge of a volcano, Mordor style,” bragged Veronica.

“What?” gasped Lance.

“It was nothing. I –” began Keith, but he was cut off by Lance hugging him. Lance couldn’t help himself. Worrying that Keith could die was a real trigger for him, but he realized as soon as he’d done it (and how Keith was reacting to the hug by sticking his arms out and in no way returning it) that this was not what someone like Veronica was used to seeing the two of them doing. Lance stepped back, trying to shake it off, but no. Still emotional. He punched Keith on his good arm. “I told you splitting up was a dumb idea! You make us split up and you almost die! Next time we stick together!”

“Fine. We won’t split up again,” groaned Keith, looking angry- embarrassed.

“Lance,” said Allura’s voice from behind him. Lance stiffened and turned to see she’d been watching what had just happened from the entrance to sickbay. “May I speak with you?” Lance nodded. “Keith, I hope your arm feels better,” she added, without emotion.

Lance walked the few steps around the corner to get out of earshot of his sister and his ex. He knew he was in trouble. Knew Allura had read a lot into how Lance had hugged Keith like that. He needed to get ahead of her reaction.

“Allura, look, I know you’re still processing the whole Keith and me thing and I think I gave you the wrong impression.”

“I hope I got the wrong impression from that hug.”

“No, not from the hug. Earlier I gave you the wrong impression.”

“What do you mean?” asked Allura.

“Keith wasn’t a mistake.”

Allura didn’t even react, she just started to walk away. Lance reached out and grabbed her arm. “Wait. I need you to listen until I’m done and not walk away or interrupt. It’s the only way I can really explain. Can you agree to that?”

“Alright,” said Allura taking a step back in towards him. Lance slid his hand down and turned that arm hold into a hand hold. He wanted to be some comfort to her as he said some things she wasn’t going to like.

“I was in love with Keith.” Allura’s handed try to slip out of his, but he kept hold. “I’m not anymore, Allura. But I’m not going to pretend that wasn’t the case even if it spares your feelings because I think it does more harm than good, keeping it from you and feeling like I have a secret. Thanks to a conversation with Shiro I think it’s fine it happened and it was meaningful and then it ended. I shouldn’t have to resent being with him to be with someone new. I learned a lot in that relationship and I think it’s going to make me a better boyfriend to you.

“I know it would be easier for you if I was angry with Keith, but it would make things harder for the team. Our team dynamic is so crucial in how we solve problems and fight battles and form Voltron. Keith and I have developed a good friendship that is making us stronger. If regrets or jealousies come into play, it could mean disaster for the universe.

“Allura, you’re entitled to your feelings. You can’t help how you react to this news. But I meant what I said on our first date.” Lance took her hand and placed it on his heart just like he had before. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, Allura.”

“Lance, I –” said Allura, looking at her hand on his chest.

‘Say I love you back,’ Lance willed her in his head. He said it all the time, but most of the time she wouldn’t even react. He needed to hear it back.

“I trust you,” said Allura. “You’ve earned that much with me.”

Her eyes drifted up to his face and it was slow enough that Lance was able to erase the disappointment. At least she trusted him. That was enough, for now.

********

It was pretty dumb of Lance to have a private conversation right around the corner from where Keith was, where he could easily overhear him. Well, he could hear him once he snuck right up to the edge and listened with baited breath. He would have to blame his Blade training for being such a snoop. Really though, he was just so curious he couldn’t help himself.

“Keith wasn’t a mistake.” Lance’s voice drifted to his ears and Keith held his breath for an entirely knew reason. He listened while Lance begged Allura to hear him out and when she agreed Keith heard these beautiful words, “I was in love with Keith.” But then… It was past tense, wasn’t it?

“What are we eavesdropping on?” came Veronica’s whispered voice right in Keith’s ear. Keith dampened his startled reaction and turned to give her a death stare.

“We aren’t listening to anything,” he said, shoving her away.

“Yeah, we are,” said Veronica, pushing forward again.

“No, we are not,” Keith said as firmly as he could in a whisper. He physically had to push her down the hallway to get rid of her before tip-toe running back to listen to the rest of the conversation.

“Look, you’re entitled to your feelings. You can’t help how you react to this news.” Okay, so Lance had told Allura about their history. That would explain the weird hug and the weird reaction from Allura to the hug and just all the weird in general. Hey, maybe she’d break up with him. Better yet, maybe he was telling her this because it was part of a breakup speech. “But I meant what I said on our first date…” Keith was listening so intensely. “…You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, Allura.”

Shouldn’t have heard that. Shouldn’t have listened. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Keith was sprinting down the hall before he even became aware that he’d moved. His body was reacting to emotional distress by entering flight mode.

Keith thought he was running blind, not making intentional turns until he found himself standing in front of the plant nursery door. His energy ran out. He stepped inside, head hanging down, shoulders slumped.

“Keith?” came Colleen’s voice ahead of him. He didn’t have the energy to look up at her. “Everybody out,” she ordered, her tone changing.

A couple Garrison employees filed past Keith and out the door. He felt comfortable enough to look up when they were out of the room. He didn’t want anyone else to see his devastated face.

Colleen, however, wasn’t looking his way, but was peering under one of the plant tables. “You too, Katie!” ordered Colleen, pulling her daughter out from under there by her elbow.

“Why do I have to go?” cried Pidge, she had her laptop under one arm. Apparently she’d gone to nest there immediately after she’d been released from sickbay. “I already know he’s crying over Lance! Why can’t I stay?”

“Because you’ll call him an idiot every other sentence now move, young lady!” Colleen dragged Pidge out of the room with her daughter attempting to dig in her heals to stop her the whole time.

“Aw no fair!” yelled Pidge right before the doors shut on her. She pounded on the door, but Colleen hit the lock on the door panel then motioned for Keith to follow her. Colleen had a little folding table and chairs leaning against the wall. She directed Keith to set them up while she went over to a planter full of tall grass. She reached into the grass and pulled out a glass bottle full of clear pink liquid.

“What’s that?” asked Keith.

“Dobarial root plant alcohol. It’s similar to potato vodka. I traded Matt for it. My own son was holding out on me.” Colleen produced a couple shooter glasses from another leafy plant then joined Keith at the table. She poured the liquid in the glasses then said, “Take a shot or two of this then when you’re calm, tell me what happened.”

Keith took three shots before he spilled everything. He did this with his head in his arms and his arms on the table because this vodka substitute made him dizzy. At least his arm didn’t hurt anymore.

“I wanted to be that,” he confessed. “I wanted to be the best thing to ever happen to him. Instead I’m probably the worst thing.”

“Okay, we’re not going to make broad, defeatist statements like that,” said Colleen. Keith looked up at her with raised eyebrows. “Saying someone’s the best thing that ever happened to you, that’s a line if I ever heard one. You don’t need to swing to the opposite direction just to wallow in your self-defeatist attitude.”

“Wow. That’s a long fancy way to call me an idiot.”

“Now you know where Katie gets it from,” said Colleen, tipping her third glass to Keith then sipping at it.

“He told her he loves her. He never said that to me.” Lance had implied it once during a fight then immediately taken it bacl.

“Yes, but he told her that he loved you. The way I see it, you two are dead even.”

“Loved and love are different. We’re taking past tense and present tense.”

“Don’t talk to me about how verbs work. I’m a member of Mensa. I know how verbs work. What I’m trying to tell you is her being currently loved doesn’t mean she’s his for life. The future is still up in the air.”

“That’s all so vague,” said Keith.

“Well, this is the long game, honey. This is what you signed up for, right?”

“I dunno,” said Keith.

“Well, that’s up to you. It’s based on what you feel. I could’ve given up on Sam when I found out he had a girlfriend. Heck, I did give up on him many times, but I couldn’t ever let go. There was something between us that kept telling me we were made for each other. I just needed to be patient.”

“Patience yields focus,” said Keith, the mantra falling out of his mouth on autopilot.

“No,” said Colleen. “I suggest you don’t focus on this. No obsessing or stalking or listening in on his private conversations.” Colleen gave Keith a stern look as she told him this. “It’s not fair to Lance and it’s not fair to you. You’re going to make yourself upset when you snoop.”

“Okay, what else?” asked Keith.

Colleen smiled, seeming to enjoy being asked for advice. “Take care of yourself in other ways. Build yourself up. Fulfill your needs. I know you have a pretty big role to fill already so I’m not worried about you. If your chance for love was ever shut down completely, you’d be okay still.

“Next, be his friend. If that’s not good enough for you, walk away completely. In those years before we got together I went from being Sam’s classmate to his friend to his best friend. Those were some of my favourite times of ours and there was no promise of a future relationship then. I just enjoyed him.”

Keith nodded.

“Lastly, and this is crucial. Find your moments.”

“What does that mean?” asked Keith.

“If means, if you are right for him then you can fulfill needs of his no one else can. There will be moments when he needs you, so be there. I can’t tell you what those moments will look like. If you know him, you’ll know when it happens.”

Keith groaned. “I should’ve hugged him back earlier.”

“Yes! If he hugs you, hug him back,” said Colleen. “That’s a no brainer.”

“Okay,” said Keith with a nod. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. This was helpful. Thank you.”

“Anytime,” said Colleen, standing and tidying up the bottle and the shot glasses. 

Keith stood up and felt… yes, definitely tipsy. He managed to walk himself to the door just fine, but then he turned back and asked, “Would you mind -?”

“Emailing you what I said because you’re drunk and you won’t remember? Of course.”

Keith gave an exaggerated nod of thanks and unlocked the door. One thing he wanted to be sure to remember was to find his moments with Lance when only he could fulfill Lance’s needs.


	6. Life doesn't discriminate between the Sinners and the Saints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After two bad conversations and one good one, Lance is ready to take care of his own "needs." So is Keith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day!! Finally some steamy Klance on this day of se- er - love!

Lance and Pidge were “training” together. The best thing about “training” with Pidge was they could take breaks from sparring whenever they wanted. This happened frequently and those breaks could be very long and very leisurely. This particular training session had morphed into the two of the lying on the mats, heart rates dropped down so low they were resting again, chatting about dumb stuff.

“Do you wanna watch a movie tonight, assuming nothing tries to kill us?” asked Pidge.

Lance smiled up at the ceiling. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that you actually thought you bring movies along.”

“Got a whole hard drive of them.”

“Any I’d like?”

“Lance, seriously?” scoffed Pidge as if to say of course she was going to hook him up. “Remember that time we all got locked in the Castleship on that dessert planet and couldn’t take off until the sand storm passed so we played Dessert Island Movie Picks?”

“Yeah, Keith kept saying ‘pass’ every time it was his turn. I’m concerned he’s never seen an Earth movie before. He did tell me he’s never owned a TV before...”

“I brought everyone’s top five picks. Why don’t you bring Keith and we’ll watch one tonight? We can ease him into the medium, assure him the moving picture aren’t real and won’t jump out of the screen and attack him… Maybe get him to leave his blade in his room.”

“Thanks, but I can’t tonight,” said Lance.

“Why not?” asked Pidge, an edge to her voice.

“Assuming nothing comes to try to kill us, I’m going to spend the evening with the person I’m actually dating.”

Pidge turned her head to meet his eye and raised an eyebrow.

“Allura,” said Lance, clarifying.

“Oh, is that still happening?”

“Yes!” snapped Lance, sitting up in his annoyance.

“That was a joke,” said Pidge, sitting up too. “But are you seriously hanging out with her again tonight? I keep asking you to hangout, but every time we have a night free of something trying to kill us, you spend it with Allura.”

“We don’t have that many nights free of almost being killed, Pidge. I need to spend the time I have with my girlfriend.”

“Ugh, you are so lame now,” moaned Pidge, flopping back onto her back. “I liked you better with Keith.”

“You didn’t even know I was with Keith!” Lance glared down at his friend.

“Which is how I’d prefer you act with Allura.”

“So never talk about it and only see her after everyone’s asleep?”

“That would be perfect,” said Pidge, giving him a thumbs up.

Lance groaned and flopped forward. He tried to calm his annoyance by telling himself Pidge was uncomfortable with romantic relationships in general and this wasn’t specifically a judgment of him being with Allura. Him being with Allura was fine and he didn’t need to feel super defensive about it at all times.

“Look,” said Pidge, “We’ve been back in space for forty-six days and you haven’t hung out with me once.”

“We’re hanging out right now,” countered Lance.

“Outside of me pretending we’re going to train, we haven’t. It would be different if I knew you were blowing me off to go get some. Hoes before bros, man.”

“No, that’s not how that saying – Wait! Why do you think I’m not getting any? Also, it’s none of your business if I am!”

“None of my business? We talk about sex all the time or at least we did.”

“It’s different with Allura,” said Lance, colour rising in his cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I’m dating a Princess so I have to be an adult and act mature and be respectful.”

“Says who?” gasped Pidge, sitting up.

“Says common sense! Whatever,” said Lance, standing. “I’ve trained enough today.”

“Great, go jerk off instead then you’ll be in a better mood,” muttered Pidge.

“Excuse me?” asked Lance, looking down at her.

“That’s how I know you’re not getting any because when you’re getting it on the regular or at least jerking off like the sex addict you were meant to be then you’re happy go luck all the time. Lately you’re just serious and boring.”

“Maybe I grew up,” said Lance, trying to walk off before he found himself in a real fight.

“Adhering to someone else’s idea of behaving and growing up are two different things!” Pidge called after him.

“You can’t tell which one I’m doing!” yelled Lance. By now they had the attention of many of Atlas crew members inside the training deck.

“Also, I read your diary! That’s how I know!”

Lance spun back around. “I told you not to read that! Why are you still reading?!”

“Why are you still writing if you know I’m reading?!”

“This is a fight!” snapped Lance, waving his arms around. “We are officially in a fight!”

“Fine by me!” yelled Pidge.

Lance stormed out into the hall. What a stupid scene they’d just caused. Stupid Pidge and her stupid lack of boundaries. At least he could go see Allura later and she’d help him feel better.

*******

Later ended up being much, much later as Allura had spent the day trying to make headway talking to the Altean pilots they’d freed from Honerva’s mechs. Lance’s frustration with Pidge paled in comparison to Allura’s frustration with the new Alteans. They had zero interest in cooperating with her questioning and would not budge.

Fortunately, Lance knows how to be a good boyfriend when it comes to listening so he listened to her talk through her frustrations and when they’d had a good chat about it, inspiration struck him. 

“I know what’ll cheer you up,” he said, bouncing off her bed. He took out his phone and hit play on the only song he had on there, which was terrible techno song Pidge had written. (Why had he not loaded his phone with proper Earth music when he had the chance?)

“What is happening?” asked Allura, sitting up.

“Just relax and let me entertain you,” said Lance letting his hips do the talking for him.He turned around, and ran his hands up the side of his body as he made figure eights with his hips. Lance spun around and ripped open his Garrison jacket, letting the buttons spill to the ground. Allura looked down to where the buttons had fallen. Lance dropped down to his knees to get back in her eye line and pulled his jacket down off his shoulders.

“Why are you undressing?” asked Allura.

Lance stopped moving to the music. “I’m Magic Miking.”

“I did not think you were capable of performing magic. What kind of magic is this ‘miking.’”

“If I do it right, it gets you hot.”

“Why would you raise my temperature?”

“No no no,” said Lance, waving his hands. “It’s called striping and it turns people on.” Allura stared at him, blankly. Lance sighed. “So many cultural barriers with this one…” Lance stood up. “Okay, maybe I’ll just show you?”

“Actually,” said Allura. “The music is making my head hurt. My ears are not suited for Earth music.”

“This isn’t really Earth music,” said Lance. “Or music. I can’t equate anything Pidge creates with music.” Lance grabbed his phone off the bed and switched it off. “I wish I had a different song. I’m kinda pissed with Pidge at the moment and I don’t need a reminder.”

“You’re fighting with Pidge?” asked Allura, tilting her head inquisitively. 

“It’s dumb,” said Lance, coming to sit on the bed.

“Do you wish to talk about it?” asked Allura.

“Really?” asked Lance, so happy she’d offer. “I mean, it really is dumb. So I’ve been keeping this diary –”

“We could talk about it tomorrow,” said Allura, apparently continuing her offer that he’d interrupted.

“Oh…”

“My head is hurting from the music and I’m exhausted,” said Allura.

“Again, not music. But yeah, I guess we could talk over breakfast? Breakfast date?”

“I plan to get an early start speaking with the Alteans. Perhaps we could do the midday meal, instead? Lunch, is what you call it?”

“Sure, lunch date. Sounds good. Can I get you anything for your headache? Painkillers? Do Alteans take painkillers?”

“I think I’ll just sleep it off,” said Allura.

“Okay, we can just sleep,” said Lance then he realized she might be implying he should leave. “Here or I could sleep not here or I could stay.” Oh no, he was rambling. “Clothed. I can put my jacket back on. Or even if you don’t want me in the bed, I could sleep on the ground…”

“You will not sleep on the ground,” said Allura, giving Lance’s shoulder a squeeze. He smiled at her. “Go be comfortable in your bed. I will be fine.”

“Oh. Okay.” Lance stood up, sure this time that he was meant to leave. “Um good night.” Lance put his hand on the back of Allura’s neck and leaned it to kiss her. “I love you,” he said as he pulled back.

“Right. Good night,” said Allura.

******

“’Right. Good night,’” Lance mumbled to himself as hewalked back to his own room. “Who says ‘right’ in response to ‘I love you.’” Lance bit his tongue and froze as he realized he was talking to himself while walking past Keith’s door. He was suddenly mortified, worried Keith had overheard him.

Lance tiptoed quietly over to the door, intending to lean his ear against it to see if Keith was actually inside. To his surprise, the door sprung open when he was within a foot of it. Their bedroom doors on the Atlas were programmed to open up when they approached, but they could also add other people to the list who the doors would open for. Lance and Allura had each other plus Lance added Bae Bae so she could come sleep with him whenever she liked. Of course this had become a problem with the whole toe licking thing… Keith must’ve put Lance on his list.

The room was empty and serial killer tidy as always. So much so, it looked like Keith had never set foot in it. Lance wondered if Keith owned any possessions besides his blade and his gloves. It made Lance a bit sad and he wondered if he should pick up a gift for Keith at some point so the boy had something to display in his room. Was he even sentimental enough to keep a gift? Actually… he had given Keith the red lube and Keith had kept it with him for the two years on the space whale (still weird to think about space whales…) Lance leaned in a bit more, wondering if he’d spot the lube in the room. Nope, nowhere in plain sight. Likely Keith had thrown it out after they’d broken up.

Lance stepped back and walked away, deciding it was best if Keith didn’t catch him in his bedroom. He walked down the hall to his own room, thinking what a shame it would be if the red lube had been thrown out. That stuff was good shit and he no longer had a bottle of his own to use.

The sight that met Lance when he arrived in his own room was deeply confusing. The bottle of red lube was sitting on his bed. He thought maybe Keith had returned it to him, doing the whole ‘return your ex’s stuff thing,’ but the note attached read, ‘Sorry about earlier. Here’s an olive branch. Figure you need it more than I do. – Pidge P.s. We cool?’

What was Pidge implying? That he needed it for masturbation? Or with Allura? Lance suddenly felt overwhelmed and walked back out of the room.

It took a minute of waiting before Shiro answered the knock on his door. He opened it up, dressed in just a pair of trousers and a tank top, peaking out just a bit while keeping the door mostly closed. Lance didn’t know the sliding door could open only part way, but it must be a privacy feature. “What’s up, Lance?” he asked, but then his tone changed as he seemed to take in the look on Lance’s face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just I needed someone to talk to,” said Lance.

“Sure. One sec.” Lance had been hoping to be invited in so they could speak privately, but instead Shiro dipped back inside and shut the door. A moment later he opened it and stepped into the hall, the door sliding shut behind him before Lance could peak in. What kind of stuff did Shiro have displayed? “I know a place where we can talk.” Shiro placed his robot hand gently on Lance’s back and guided him down the hall.

The Atlas sported an observation deck. It didn’t actually have window to look out of, but on the tall ceiling the view of the stars outside was projected as a hologram. The effect was just as stunning as the real view. The large room had couches and tables and other furniture set up so crew members could meet up and also a running track around the edge. Normally it would be a busy social area, but due to the late hour, Lance and Shiro had the place to themselves. 

“Sorry to bother you so late,” said Lance as he settled on a bench next to Shiro. “I just really need to get some of this stuff out of my head by saying it out loud and since you already know the Keith stuff…”

“Lance, I’m happy to talk to you,” said Shiro. “You’re not a bother. Now what’s on your mind? Is it Keith or is it Allura this time?”

Lance chuckled. “I really only play the two notes, huh?” Shiro waited while Lance gathered his thoughts. “I guess I’m worried Allura isn’t that attracted to me.” Shiro raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. “We kiss and we hold hands, but she doesn’t want to do anything other than that. She says she wants to take things slow and I respect that. Half of me feels she’s right and I’m not ready to move forward either. I guess the only reason I wish we could move faster is because…” Lance looked down at his lap. Ugh this was hard to say out loud. “I’m really good at sex. I don’t have a lot of stuff that I think I’m talented at beyond shooting things at a distance, but I’m good at giving pleasure and if Allura would allow me to show her I think I could make her happy because she rarely is…”

Shiro opened his mouth to say something, but Lance forged on, wanting to get it all out now that he’d pushed through the awkward part of starting. “But I also think we should wait because Keith and I didn’t wait. In fact we basically had sex before we even kissed.” Lance deliberately turned his head so he didn’t have to catch Shiro’s reaction to that one. “And then sex became the center of our relationship and we know that didn’t last long and I wonder if we’d waited and built things between us slowly maybe we could’ve gone the distance. 

“Shiro, I’m just freaked out that if I do go all the way with Allura, it’ll be too fast and we’ll fall apart. But I’m also freaked that if we don’t she’ll never feel that passion for me Keith had.”

Shiro was about to say something, but Lance jumped in again, “And I know I shouldn’t compare them. Maybe I started dating Allura too soon after and that’s why I can’t separate the two. That’s on me…” Lance sighed.

Shiro seemed to wait a moment to ensure Lance was done before speaking up. “Lance, I am so sorry you’ve been feeling this way. You have a lot of doubts and that’s weighing heavy on you. I’m glad you felt like you could speak to me about this. You said a lot just now so I’m going to try to respond to all of it. First, let me say, you are enough for Allura, you are. You shouldn’t have to feel like you have to prove this to her and if you’re insecure about that I’d encourage you to talk to her directly about it. Allura is responsible for letting you know her needs and if there is something she wants, she can ask for it. That said, I worry you don’t understand your own needs Lance. One thing with you is you need to feel secure in your relationship. You’ve got to go to Allura for that and you need to let her know you need reassurance.”

Lance looked down at the ground. He wasn’t sure what he’d get from Allura as far as reassurance. He’d told her he loved her several times and she hadn’t said it back. He tried to tell himself that his feelings were ahead of hers because he’d liked her longer, but it still stung.

“Next, you’ve brought this up before that you think Keith was only into you because of the sex. Let me say that, I’ve known Keith a long time and that included watching him obsessively crush over you long before you returned his feelings in any kind of direct way.”

“He talked to you about liking me?”

“Talked? No, that’s way too direct for Keith. I observed it. I watched him fall for you. I know his feelings were deep before you two began sleeping together.”

“You’re probably right,” said Lance. “I know I keep reducing it in my head to just sex. I think it’s just easier to justify being with someone new so quickly.”

“Look, Lance, you said you’re worried you’re dragging old baggage into your new relationship. I’m going to tell you something no one else will admit to. Everyone drags their issues from their last relationship into their new one no matter how much time has passed.”

“Really?”

“Yes, unless you’ve actively worked out those issues in therapy, and let’s face it almost no one does that, stuff from your last relationship is going to come up. The only difference time makes is how persistent those thoughts are. At least you’re noticing when you’re connecting your behaviour to how you were with Keith. Being aware of repeating patterns is half the battle, but honestly it’s not like being brand new would help you do better in this relationship. If you can reflect on what worked for you last time and what didn’t and use that to help maneuver your way through this relationship then you’re learning and that’s a positive thing.”

“Right. Thanks, Shiro. That really helps.”

“As for the timing issue with sex, I’m not an expert. I’ve only had the one serious relationship, but I’ll tell you what I believe. Whoever you’re with, if it’s someone you see yourself having a future with, then when you start having sex shouldn’t matter. There’s no too early or too late when you look back years later. The right timing is when it feels right for both of you.”

“Great,” said Lance. “This really helped. Thank you, Shiro.”

Lance and Shiro stood up and hugged. It felt nice. Shiro was warm and his chest felt hard and strong and he smelt good… Wait, did Lance notice when boys smelt good now? Was this another bisexual power unlocked? He must’ve been hugging Shiro a bit too long because Shiro said, “Uh, Lance…?”

Lance, stepped back, a bit embarrassed. He must really be horny if he was smelling Shiro now who was basically like a dad to him.

“Is there something else up with you that you want to talk to me about?” 

“Well, I um…” Lance blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. Try as he might, he couldn’t get the question out.

“Okay so this might be out of bounds,” said Shiro. “But um… someone else had a concern for you… Have you been… taking care of your own needs?”

“What?” asked Lance.

“Okay, I’m going to be direct. Have you been masturbating?”

“Shiro!” gasped Lance. “Who said something?” But he knew the answer. “Was it Pidge?”

“Look, I will just say that it seemed like something you did a lot before as self care and now it seems like you’ve stopped.”

“You knew about me masturbating?” asked Lance. Shiro didn’t answer. “You notice a lot you don’t point out, huh?”

“Yeah, I do,” said Shiro.

“It seems weird… Being with Allura, but doing it by myself. It seems disrespectful somehow. I still did it when I was with Keith, but he’s a dude and I figured he understood.”

“I think Allura would understand too and if she didn’t that wouldn’t be okay. It’s your own body, Lance. It’s up to you what you do with it, okay? Take care of your own needs. It might actually remove some of the pressure you’re feeling in regards to sleeping with Allura.”

“Okay, well you’re the second person today who’s recommended I masturbate,” said Lance, hugging himself. Man, this was humiliating.

Shiro was already walking away, but he shrugged. “Everyone does it, Lance. It’s not a big deal.”

Lance raised an eyebrow at Shiro as he walked away. Was that what Shiro had been doing when he knocked on his door? He was slow answering and super cagey about letting Lance look inside his room…

Determined, Lance walked back to his room. His talk with Shiro really had helped. Things were probably okay with Allura after all, but he could try to talk to her about her reassuring him that he was meeting her needs. Now it was best he listened to advice and took care of his own needs.

It’s not like Lance hadn’t tried to masturbate. He’d had a lot of false starts. It’s just when he thought of Allura he felt guilty for wanting something she wasn’t ready for, but then it was worse if Keith popped into his head because he’d feel like he was betraying Allura. He tried to make up random people in his head to imagine having sex with, but he hadn’t gotten any better at that… Lance had lost the ability to let his imagination run wild and just have fun with it, something he used to be pro at. Now he felt like he was supposed to only have certain thoughts, yet he didn’t know what those thoughts were supposed to be. There was a solution to this, however…

He picked up the red bottle of lube. He would drug himself and his thoughts would go wherever the psychedelic took him and he couldn’t feel guilty about that because he wouldn’t actually be in control. Pidge was right. He needed this.

Lance dug out his drawstring bag. There was something he’d been craving for months, but didn’t think he’d be able to really enjoy it seeing as how badly masturbating had been going lately. Lance pulled out his dildo, but then picked up the red lube and squinted at the warning label. Nope. Still couldn’t read it. He’d never dared to use the lube internally, fearing the after burn. However, he had to assume Pidge was using it internally so it had to be safe, right?

Fuck it! Lance was doing this. The dry spell ended tonight. He dug through his bag and found the Earth lube he’d swapped for at the mall before leaving the planet. He wanted to do his prep work with the plain lube before switching to the red stuff since he need to be stretched out before he got freaky with himself. He was actually enjoying the sensation of his fingers all slick, dipping into his asshole. It had been a long time since he’d treated himself right and it helped that he had this new determined attitude.

***********

Keith studied his options. He could use the red lube, which he’d only ever used before with Lance, or he could use the Earth lube, which he’d only ever used with Lance… or imaging Lance. Okay, so obviously neither could be eliminated because of that reason and Keith was not going back to doing it dry. Not when he knew how much better it could feel.

Keith was tempted to try to the red lube. The psychedelic effects were crazy and he’d only ever tried it with a partner. He wondered how it would be to try it solo. Of course, since this is what he actually wanted, his self-defeatist nature was urging him to just use the plain ol’ Earth lube instead.

“Fuck it,” muttered Keith, grabbing the red lube out of the drawer He was a grown ass man and he could do whatever he wanted (while alone.) He striped off his uniform and shut off the lights. Keith had been hard and pawing at himself through his pants ever since he’d shut himself in his room. Something in the air tonight was making him feel horned up and needy. He sat himself back on his bed and leaned his warm back against the cool wall. In the dark he couldn’t register how much of the lube he was squeezing out until he felt it pool in his palm. That was definitely a lot, but once again, “fuck it.”

**********

The room dark, him naked, Lance sat up on his knees on the bed. He had the dildo right beside him, ready to go beside the red lube. He didn’t want to lose track of either since he was going to start with his dick and once the light show started, he might not be able to tell the difference between reality and hallucination. He was also trembling with excitement. He needed to let go. He needed the release.

Lance dripped the lube into his palm. He shut the bottle and set it next to the dildo. He ran his hand down the length of his cock. A moan escaped him as it felt like he’d had the wind knocked out of them. The effects were always so immediate.

“Are you thinking of me…” came a murmur of voices speaking as one. It wasn’t new to hear voices when he used the lube, but it had been so long since he’d gone solo that he’d forgotten this could happen.

*********

As Keith ran his hand down his length, he had to bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out. He’d forgotten how shocking the suddenly rush of pleasure could be.

“Are you thinking of me…” Keith knew that voice. Would know that voice until the day he died. It was Lance’s voice. It wasn’t surprising that he would hallucinate the sound. “I’m thinking of you,” he murmured. Oh, no, he hadn’t intended to, but of course he was.

 

********

“I’m thinking of you,” came the voice again, but now it had made up its mind in regards to who it was.

“Keith,” murmured Lance. There was movement in front of him like shadows crawling forward, but he couldn’t make out a solid form. But then he glimpsed grey eyes. “Are you here?”

*******

“I’m here,” Keith answered.

“It’s so dark. I don’t see you,” said Lance.

“I can see you,” said Keith, crawling towards the glowing form kneeling in front of him on the bed. “Do you want to see me?”

******

“I don’t know,” answered Lance. He could actually feel the bed shifting below him as if someone was there. “I don’t think it’s okay if I do…”

“It’s just a hallucination,” said Keith. “It’s not real. It doesn’t count.”

“Doesn’t count,” echoed Lance.

*****

Keith wondered why even his hallucination of Lance was rejecting him. That is until the glowing bright spot with Lance’s voice lunged forward and Keith felt a head on his shoulder and the hand stroking his dick felt different. Was this Lance’s hand? The confusion had to be deliberate, part of the effects of the lube. “I miss you so much,” whispered Keith, moving himself to kiss Lance’s neck, feeling his body no more solid than thick smoke. He was stroking Lance’s cheek, so bright and golden. “Do you miss me at all?”

****

Why was this hallucination asking Lance if he missed him? Lance found himself backing off, letting go of the cock in his hand (his cock? Keith’s cock?) He felt like he was sliding back, away from the shadowy figure with Keith’s expressive eyes. 

“It’s okay,” said Keith’s voice. “I would never push you. I know you’re hers…”

Hers? What did that mean? Lance’s head felt so cloudy. “I’m… my own,” mumbled Lance. Yes, these words felt better. These words felt right.

***

It was strange how those quiet words from Lance could make Keith’s heart swell, make his eyes hot with tears. Yes, Lance hadn’t lost himself in her. He was still whole. Of course this was his hallucination of Lance, but he felt so real.

“I’m proud of you,” Keith muttered, looking down. “Because you are yourself. You’re one of a kind and you always go for what you want. I wish I was half as brave…”

“Keith, you’re the bravest person I ever met.” 

A lump caught in Keith’s throat. This hallucination was supposed to be about sex and instead he was talking feelings with Lance? Why was this happening?

“I could be yours a bit,” said Lance. He was kneeling, naked, hands in his lap, a soft blush on his glowing golden cheeks. He was too precious for words. “At least right now anyway.”

**

It was still so dark. Lance couldn’t see Keith properly, but he could sense him, sense his body in front of him. He didn’t want to waste this opportunity. He wanted to remember what it felt like to be with him. “Tell me you want me, Keith.” To remember what if felt like to be wanted…

“I want you, Lance. I always do.” Those words were like warm butter melting inside his gut. Keith’s raspy voice was so gentle, his tone so sincere. When he chose to, he made Lance feel lighter than air.

Lance crawled forward towards those pretty eyes shining in the dark. He came to sit on a lap that felt solid and imaginary at the same time. It didn’t matter. Real didn’t matter. The feeling of those arms sliding across his back mattered. Pushing dark hair back from smoldering eyes mattered. Lance’s every desire was his fingers running through soft locks, warm breath steeped in anticipation as lips dipped down to taste Keith’s kiss. Just a quick brush yet contained within were a hundred memories that surfaced as if every moment were this moment and time could never touch them again.

Time rewrites feelings, it poisons connections, it separates lovers from the action of loving, but time can be defeated. Memory and Imagination can conspire against Time. Rules can be unwritten. Hearts can be unbroken. Ash can remember the wildfire.

*  
“You,” said Keith as Lance’s lips withdrew like a whispered secret, lingering in the shared mind of just they two. He had more to say, so much more to say, problem was he couldn’t remember it or why it was important. Maybe he needed to show not tell. Lance was on the same page, not waiting for more words, but diving back in. Both were the initiator, sucking deeply on the other’s lip. Touches weren’t so delicate anymore as palms pressed into flesh and fingernails dug into skin.

Fantasy wasn’t as solid as reality though and Lance could feel himself wavering, like he was lifting out of a dream, his room coming into focus where Keith should be. Worse for Keith, as he felt Lance teeter between body and smoke in his arms.

“Please,” begged Keith. “Stay with me.”

“I-,” began Lance, his head foggy as he struggled to consolidate two planes of existence. Ideas were opposing. There was something in the real world that was sad, that he didn’t like feeling, but he couldn’t remember what. More so, he didn’t want to feel it anymore. “I didn’t use enough,” said Lance, recalling the red lube and how he’d only captured two drops in his palm.

“Use more,” said Keith, clueless as to what Lance meant. He didn’t want Lance to fade away and leave him here. This place only existed for the two of them. Keith didn’t want to be alone. There was too much sadness brewing from just the thought.

*

It was so dark, but Lance held onto Keith’s eyes. He saw them as they watered. “Don’t,” said Lance, using his thumbs to wipe the tears away. He moved his mouth to Keith’s ear and whispered, “I know how stay.”

Lance let his hands search through the darkness on his bed… on his empty bed… just him alone. His hands found the red lube and the dildo, letting his fingers trace over them to assure himself of their familiar shapes. He carefully squeezed out a line of lube along the dildo then used his fingers to spread it across the tip.

Lance reached behind and lined the dildo up with his entrance. Slow and steady he pushed inside, but it didn’t feel like a dildo anymore. It felt like Keith.

*

Ghostly fingers held Keith’s cock (or was it his own hand and he just didn’t feel connected to it anymore?) but then he felt himself being consumed and there was Lance in his lap, solid and Keith was inside him. He knew it was real because he knew what this feeling was, lived for this feeling, but then… No, he’d always worn a condom with Lance so he didn’t actually know and yet… He knew. Knew Lance’s body like it was his own. This was exactly how Lance felt.

Lance kept his eyes closed, wrapping his whole body around Keith, just breathing in his scent, luxuriating on how full Keith made him feel. He could smell the sweat on Keith’s skin. He could feel Keith’s heartbeat pressing against his chest. He could hear air whistling through Keith’s nose. He could still taste his kiss on his lips. Lance sat up, finally opening his eyes to see Keith’s face, no longer bathed in darkness inches from his own.

“You’re back,” said Keith. His voice was music. His smile was a light show.

“Never really left,” said Lance. He was giggling. He didn’t know why. He was giddy and free, couldn’t for the life of him remember ever having a worry.

Keith traced kisses up Lance’s neck and across his jaw, feeling the rumble of Lance’s laughs against his chest. It was hard to kiss when his grin was so wide. They’d found each other here. This little pocket, free of space and time where they could just be. Their hands traced each other, placing soft pecks in sensitive places, quiet laughs of blissfulness escaping without fear of judgment. Knowing no demands to justify the amusement would ever come because the feeling of joy was reverberating between them. They were sweet and flirty and patient with each other regardless of being one thrust away from fucking.

“What do you want, baby?” asked Keith as his fingertips drew spirals on Lance’s spine, sending shivers down his back.

“I already have it,” said Lance, capturing Keith’s chin between his thumb and pointer finger and planting a kiss on his lips.

“Name what you have,” said Keith, his voice a possessive rumble. The heat wouldn’t hold off much longer. Soon they’d need to move, to allow themselves to be consumed by the act.

“You,” said Lance, pressing his kiss hard this time like a wax seal on his message.

“Me,” answered Keith, the kiss making him mumble the word. A thought tugged at Keith’s mind, wanting attention, reminding him that he wasn’t speaking out loud, how could he be? Keith swatted it away. Thoughts didn’t need him, Lance did.

With Lance weighing him down, Keith didn’t have any room to thrust, but he pressed one hand down and scooped the other behind Lance’s back. This way he used the bounce of the bed to withdraw just a touch and push back deep within Lance. The resulting moan was a mix of pleasure and surprise. He liked the noise so much he repeated it over and over until Keith couldn’t stand how little he could move.

“Will you ride me?” he asked Lance, pressing his forehead against his. He felt so needy, he was ready to beg if it came to that.

In response, Lance kissed Keith with a sweep of tongue then pressed a hand to his chest and shoved him back. He pushed sweaty hair back from his forehead as he watched Lance pop up his knees to perch himself over Keith’s hips without ever letting Keith slip out. “So flexible,” murmured Keith. Lance was extraordinary. There was no doubt in Keith’s mind.

That’s when Lance raised his hips up and Keith felt him drag over every inch of his dick. “Ah – ah Lance,” moaned Keith. Lance lowered again causing Keith to bit down on his bottom lip. “I want you to fuck me so bad.”

Keith couldn’t believe the look of satisfaction that crossed Lance’s face as he rode that dick.

Something about being wanted, something about being needed. Something about giving it as good as he got back. Lance couldn’t sort out the reasoning, he just knew the joy and pleasure that came from riding Keith like a mechanical bull. Keith felt so damn good and Lance needed this. He needed it.

The view of Lance was nearly as good as the sensation of him bouncing on Keith’s dick. There was something Keith was noticing that was drawing his attention. Lance’s skin was glowing which wasn’t normal to begin with, however, the weird part is Keith could she trails of blue running down his legs, glowing brighter than his skin. His eyes followed the trail of blue and lost track of it before it neck, but then Keith saw the smudges of blue on Lance’s cheekbones. 

The image tugged and pulled at Keith’s memory. Had he seen this before in the past or the future? Can you remember something that hasn’t happened yet? Was this feeling déjà vu? Keith was still trying to place what those cheek marks meant when Lance surged forward.

The contemplative look Keith was giving him made Lance want to kiss him so badly so he did. Whatever inhibitions Lance normally retained during sex (and let’s face it, it wasn’t many) they were completely gone. Lance broke off their kiss and asked, “Why do I crave you like this?”

“I don’t know,” said Keith as Lance’s lips trailed down his jaw. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Keith,” said Lance, in that soft tone what meant he was going to gently correct him. “You deserve the world.”

Emotion threatened to close Keith’s throat. He shut his eyes instead, willing himself not to cry while he was inside Lance and managed to swallow it back. He opened his eyes to see a confused look on Lance’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Keith, your eyes…,” began Lance, no longer staring into grey, but yellow.

Lance didn’t have to say they were Galra for Keith to understand. He brought his arm to cover his eyes, but Lance pulled his hand away. “I don’t mind,” said Lance. “As long as you’re okay.”

Okay was a loaded word, but he nodded anyway.

Lance searched those yellow cat-like eyes and felt Keith’s same warmth through them. Satisfied he pressed his forehead to Keith’s and nipped his nose with a kiss. That’s when he noticed Keith’s left cheek and the new mark there that matched the one on the opposite cheek. He marveled at these new Galra features that where suddenly there, but then… they’d always been, felt Lance. It’s just only now they’d surfaced.

Truth be told, Lance liked it all, the full package, especially the package he was graciously receiving. He kissed Keith properly, wanting to convey in that kiss how damn beautiful Keith was to him. As they made out Keith found the right position for his knees to roll his hips into Lance, reinitiating the fuck. Lance moaned into his mouth his approval.

Keith turned his head away from the kiss to whisper, “We need a better position.”

Lance climbed off Keith then got confused for a second. He had the dildo in his hand and that’s what had been… but Keith…?

Keith came to kneel behind Lance and the feel of Keith’s hands on his hips brought him back into the moment and he forgot what was concerning him. Especially when Keith entered him with a satisfied moan. Lance leaned forward onto his hands. Keith pulled back then snapped his hips forward and it was Lance’s turn to moan. It felt so fucking good having Keith raw dogging him from behind and for a minute all either of them could do was let out breathy moans as Keith rolled his hips into Lance over and over.

“What do I need to do,” began Keith, tipping his weight onto Lance so they both fell forward. “To get you to stay with me?” Keith had Lance pinned down on his front with his ass up in the air, giving Keith free range of motion and Lance little choice, but to take it. He loved it. Loved handing over the reigns to Keith because whatever consequence may come he could tell himself he was bent by Keith’s will and that was hot as fuck.

“Do I need to…,” continued Keith, his mouth pressed closed to Lance’s ears and transforming into a harsh whisper. “…tie you up in my room… to my bed?”

“Then you could fuck me whenever you like,” added Lance, getting in on the dirty talk. 

Keith gave the back of Lance’s ear a lick before whispering, “You’d be my dirty little sex doll.”

Keith’s words lit a fire inside Lance’s belly. He felt that connection again, that familiar heat ripping through him. He could smell smoke. Keith’s tongue felt like flame licking at the back of his neck. He was in that forest again, but this time there was no lake nearby, not a drop of water within a hundred miles just dry tinder burning with Keith and Lance fucking in the middle of it.

“Wait,” said Keith, slowing his pace. Lance watched flames die down to embers in front of his eyes. “We need to cum together.”

“Why?” asked Lance, trying to look back over his shoulder at that beefy Galra beauty moving his weight off of him.

“Because the effects wear off the moment you cum,” said Keith. Lance had no idea what he was talking about. “If one of us cums first then we pop out of here and leave the other alone.”

“Sure,” agreed Lance. Keith squinted down at him, feeling like he was just humouring him. Honestly, Keith couldn’t really figure out what he was talking about either, but it felt true and it felt important.

Lance rolled to his back and Keith appreciated just looking at him for a moment. He was certain his eyes were still Galra, but he didn’t feel the need to hide them anymore, not with Lance giving him the same hungry looks he always did. When he pulled Lance’s thighs around his waist and moved into him again, his breath caught.

“You feel so damn good,” he murmured.

“Mmm,” Lance answered. “I was so fucking close. Don’t tease me this time, Kogane.”

Keith placed a possessive hand by Lance’s head as he leaned down and said, “Only if you want me to.”

“Less talking, more fucking,” smirked Lance.

Keith took that as a challenge. Using Lance’s leg as purchase and going hard, pounding his ass. He felt that heat again. Heard fire crackling in his ears. He wouldn’t last much longer and he needed to make sure Lance came with him. Keith pushed back onto his heels so he could use his free hand to grab Lance’s leaking cock and jerk him off.

“Oh, fuck yes,” sputtered Lance, eating up every sensation Keith was spoiling him with.

“I wanna cum inside you,” moaned Keith.

“Cum in my ass, Keith.” That bit of dirty talk got Lance so close. The flames around him were rising.

Keith was trying not to say what his mouth then betrayed him with. All he could do was drop his mouth down onto Lance’s knee under the guise of kissing it as he mumbled, “Fuck, I love you,” into Lance’s kneecap, hoping it was distorted enough.

“Keith, I –“ began Lance, but Keith dove down to kiss him, to seal away whatever he was about to say because whether it was a rejection or an affirmation, it wouldn’t make a fucking difference knowing this would all end seconds later. As always, any trace of ill feeling could be chased away by kissing Lance, by fucking Lance, by being consumed by their shared flames. The fire wasn’t out there. It was within them. They were the wildfire, made of the same blazing heat. They were elemental, unquenchable. Tinder to their own desires.

When they started to cum it was a sizzle, an intriguing spark of sensation. Fingers gripped flesh on thigh. Teeth bit lip. Palm rubbed cock. Keith pulled away from pursed lips so he could lean back and watch himself pull his full length out then push himself back into Lance. 

“Harder,” begged Lance and Keith obliged. The sizzle turned molten, liquid warmth pooling as Keith moved deep within Lance. 

“Fuck La – ah…” The heat was volcanic, raw and desperate. They tipped into it together, setting each other off, pulling each other through it. Keith felt himself cumming hot inside Lance while Lance spilled into his hand.

Lance’s moan was a hiss and twist of Keith’s name. Lance felt Keith stuttering inside him, every unexpected twitch hitting him again against that sweet spot and proving to Lance that yes, this orgasm could keep going, could surge even after he’d thought he’d already spilled over. When he finally felt it tapering off, his body was a hum of pleasure. Lance’s breath was jagged, unable to sync with his heart. He was already imagining pulling Keith down on top of him, kissing him, basking with him until Keith’s heartbeat against his own could teach him how to feel steady and solid, but he didn’t’ get to do any of that because…

It was emotional, the crackle of pleasure murmuring through Keith’s core. It made his speeding heart feel like it would burst just looking down at Lance after having shared something so perfect. Keith needed to lean down and kiss him and hold him so he could feel stable, so he could be sure this was real. But then…

Keith dropped forward, directly onto his bed. Lying on this stomach he could feel the wetness on the sheets, rapidly cooling. 

************

Lance looked up at the ceiling in the darkness of his room, his breathing the only sound. Him being alone was his first realization. The was was that he had one hand on his own cock and the other gripped the dildo in his ass. The rest of reality hit him like a shock. He’d forgotten so much.

Shit.

He’d forgotten someone.

Fuck.

He rolled to his stomach and whispered, “Five…”

************

Keith rolled to his back and looked up at the ceiling. Alone.

“Four…”

Was it a gift to hallucinate Lance or torture?

“Three…”

His vision of Lance had told Keith he deserves the world.

“Two...”

Too bad Lance was the whole universe.

“One…”

The after burn hit and the pain nearly knocked him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to do a quick cross promotion and say if you enjoy my smut scenes, check out my PWP fic Save a Lion, Ride a Cowboy https://archiveofourown.org/works/17466707/chapters/41132810
> 
> <3 BBBK


	7. Day 47 Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after math of night 46

Why didn’t Keith have an ice pack ready to go? He knew this would happen. Lance always had them just steps away inside of Red. Lance was always prepared like that. Keith rarely thought ahead and that’s why he had to painstakingly pull on his pajama pants over his burning junk so he could toddle out into the hall in search of an ice pack.

There was a first aid supply closet on their floor that Sam had showed them when giving them the tour of their bunk area. That would have those icepacks you could crack and they’d get cold. Otherwise he’d have to travel to the proper med bay where there’d actually be people working even at this hour. That was the main thing Keith disliked about the Atlas verses the Castleship – way too many people! 

He was able to locate the closet and his clearance meant the door opened right up for him. He poked around the selves for a minute before he found the ice packs, his pain reminding him to look faster but also making it hard to focus. He grabbed two then stood there, staring at one in each hand and feeling stupid. He’d taken two out of habit, but of course he only needed one. That’s when the door slid open, the person there giving a little wince of pain as they stepped closer. Keith spun in surprise to find Lance staring at him with equal surprise.

Keith didn’t know what to say. What could he say? Lance could’ve been looking for first aid for many reasons, but that familiar look on his face told Keith exactly what he needed. Silently he held out one of the ice packs, offering it to Lance. Lance gave Keith a suspicious look then ignored his offer as he reached behind Keith to grab two fresh packs off the shelf.

“Best we pretend we didn’t see each other,” muttered Lance as he turned and limped out of the closet, the door sliding open then shut again as he passed the threshold.

Still frozen, holding both packs, it took Keith a moment before he could blink and snap out of it. Finally when the shock wore off he tossed the extra pack back on the shelf and stormed out of the closet… well, walked as angrily as he could while walking bow legged. 

The wet bed sheets had to go. Keith ripped them off then eased himself down onto the bare mattress. He cracked the icepack and laid it over his junk. Whenever he’d done this with Lance, Lance always had snacks and something to watch on his phone so they could be distracted for the hour it took for the burn to go away. But of course Keith wasn’t prepared like that. He had nothing.

Two packs.

Lance had taken two packs.

One for him and one for…

Keith couldn’t even think her name. It was one thing to know they were dating. It was another thing to know they were fucking. And using the red lube together! Probably watching a nonsense alien movie and eating snacks together after having just had amazing sex at the exact same time Keith was wanking it to thoughts of Lance. Pathetic. 

Why did his brain have to create such a perfect scene with Lance? It could’ve just been sex, but instead Lance was being so supportive and loving. That wasn’t even a fantasy though. That’s just how Lance was.

Without anything to distract Keith from the emotional and physical pain, the after burn felt like it lasted longer than an hour, but it did eventually subside and then something odd happened. Not as odd as what had just happened, but odd none the less. There’s a moment after you cum when you feel a like a god, when every muscle relaxes and you feel a hum of peace. Keith got that feeling after the burn ended. Really it shouldn’t happen so long after the orgasm, but it arrived late to the party.

Keith had always assumed he felt so good when the burn wore off because he’d spent an hour cuddling with Lance, anticipating falling asleep with Lance, naked and wrapped up together. He hadn’t expected to feel it this time, alone, on a bare mattress and yet… For whatever reason he still felt that same feeling, like Lance was there with him, in the dark, just out of reach, but present none the less.

Keith didn’t question it, just basked in it until he fell asleep.

********

Lance was hung over. Well, no, not really. This was just what he imagined a hangover felt like. His body hurt, his head was pounding, and he was so tired he was ready to fall asleep face first in his breakfast. Were the cafeteria lights always this bright? And why did breakfast look like dinner food? The chefs were aliens and they kept mixing up which Earth foods were supposed to be served at which meal.

Today’s breakfast mash-up was roast beef, donuts, cauliflower soup, and coffee. Not as cringey as the time they served poached eggs alongside rice pudding, olive loaf, and orange juice, but still, Lance couldn’t even stomach the thought of taking a bite. Honestly, if he hadn’t gotten a notice early this morning that they had a mission, he wouldn’t have gotten out of bed. He hadn’t slept at all last night. He’d been so mad at himself that he hadn’t bothered watching a movie while the burn lasted. He felt like he deserved to the feel the pain.

The disturbing part came after when the pain lifted and he suddenly felt this sense of calm and belonging. It was the same feeling he’d get, falling asleep beside Keith, limbs tangled up together, faces pressed so close her could feel Keith’s exhales on his cheek. Suddenly it was like Keith was back in that room with him.

Lance had jumped out of bed, turned on the lights. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t accept that. He had to start moving his body to shake off the feeling so he’d stretched and done push ups and leg lifts until he was exhausted and sweaty. He climbed back into bed and felt it again. Gotten annoyed. Figured he needed a shower anyway, why not in the middle of the night? Came back sleepy, felt the feeling again. Jumped up. Decided to wash his bed sheets and sterilize his dildo because they needed it anyway. Came back, lay on his bare mattress, felt it again, jumped back up and so on…

He’d finally just accepted it around five am and lay on his mattress feeling both comforted and anguished before the notice of the mission arrived at six. Still he hadn’t slept. His mind kept racing. Running into Keith right after had not helped.

Two ice packs…

Keith had taken two ice packs…

So unless Keith had also used the lube in two areas like Lance (his asshole and dick had burned like crazy) – and let’s face it, Keith was more of Top – then Keith had used the red lube with someone else. Who?

James? Keith’s true rival seeing as Keith had a thing for rivals…

Or what if…? Shiro had been cagey about Lance seeing inside his room last night. What if Keith had been in there with him? They were close and they were both gay…

Ugh! This was torture! But why was it torture? Keith could fuck whoever he wanted to. Lance had moved on… or he thought he had. Keith deserved to move on too.

“Hey… Are you okay?”

Lance hadn’t noticed his sister sit down across from him. Hadn’t noticed he’d dropped his head down onto the table until he had to lift it just to see her.

“Yes,” he lied.

Veronica pressed her lips together tightly as if considering something then said, “Let’s blow past the part where I keep asking you if you’re sure and just assume you’d eventually fess up to not being okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” answered Lance.

“Okay,” said Veronica, pushing the roast beef around on her plate with her fork. “But I am here if you want to talk. I’m your sister and the only family you have out here in space. I don’t blame you if you’re worried I won’t understand or think I’ll make fun of you, but Lance, you can trust me to take you seriously. If you’re hurting I want to know.”

“Okay,” said Lance, quietly. “Thank you.”

“Is it about Allura?” asked Veronica.

Lance shrunk in on himself. It was both about her and not about her so he wasn’t sure how to answer. “I did something I feel bad about and I’m wondering how I’m going to tell her.”

Veronica reached across the table and took Lance’s hand. “Lance, I love you no matter what.” She squeezed his hand. “That said, let’s hear what dumb shit did you this time. Did you email all her friends and family a photoshopped pic of your future wedding day?”

“What?” gasped Lance, pulling his hand back. “I did that one time in the sixth grade to Lucy Bachman!”

“After she agreed to go apple picking with you. You hadn’t even gone on a date yet. Did you do something like that with Allura? Did you get too intense too quickly?”

“No,” said Lance, his tone settling down. “Nothing like that. I – uh…” Lance dropped his face into his hands so he didn’t have to see Veronica’s face when he admitted… well, could he admit it? There was a lot of explanation that would have to go into confessing the whole thing including coming out to his sister as bisexual. Okay, maybe he needed to vague it up. “I had a sex dream.”

“Okay,” said Veronica, standing up and grabbing her tray.

“Wait!” said Lance. “Is it that disgusting?”

“Disgusting? No? I was demonstrating how uninteresting and not a big deal that is by pretending to leave.” Veronica sat back down, looking annoyed.

“But it was like a wet dream,” added Lance.

“I’m sorry, did you just hit puberty? Is this really something new that you’re grossed out about? Do I need to have a talk with you about your changing body?”

Lance blinked. “No, I’ve been having wet dreams for years it was just different because it was like a lucid wet dream.”

“Lucky you,” said Veronica.

“With someone other than Allura and it feels like I cheated on her even though when I was dreaming…” Ahem ‘dreaming…’ “I didn’t remember I was with her…”

“Well, dreams are funny like that and if you want my advice, I don’t think you need to tell Allura this.”

“Of course I do, I cheated on her!” said Lance.

“No, you didn’t,” said Veronica.

“I dream cheated,” said Lance.

“That’s not a thing.”

“Okay, but what if I told you I wasn’t so much dreaming as I was hiiiiigh?” Lance didn’t know why he sang the last word, it just seemed fitting.

“What do you mean?” asked Veronica. “Like a hallucinogenic?” Lance nodded gravely. “Can I have some?”

“Veronica!”

“What? Sounds like fun. I wanna try it. Oh wait, was the sex with someone weird? Is that why you’re disturbed? Was it with one of our parents? Ugh, it was, wasn’t it? You hallucinated sex with mom and that’s why you’re freaking out. Okay, now I understand why you’re upset.”

“It wasn’t sex with mom!” Lance snapped. It came out at a volume way louder than Lance intended. He looked around and everyone was staring at him and of course, OF COURSE this was the exact moment that Keith was walking in with his tray of food. Their eyes met and suddenly. “Ow –” muttered Lance, his vision going blurry.

Pain? Pleasure? Both? What the actual fuck?

Lance had to close his eyes and clench his fists until what could only be describe as “an evil dry orgasm” passed. Luckily Veronica seemed to interpret this strangeness as embarrassment over yelling about having sex with their mom.

“Okay,” said Veronica. “I guess I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

“It was with my ex,” said Lance, flatly. He was tired. Tired of dancing around any mention of Keith.

“Whoa,” said Veronica, slapping her hands on the table. “Way to bury the lead! You have an ex? I thought Allura was your first girlfriend!” Veronica was talking a mile a minute. Lance had not expected her to react this way. “When did this happen? I would’ve known if you were dating someone at the Garrison. Did it happen in space? Did you have a space girlfriend? Who was it? Tell me everything! Do I know her?”

“No,” said Lance, turning red. “You don’t know them and it’s not important so no more questions.”

“Them? They’re a them?” Veronica raised an eyebrow. “Oh, was it Pidge? Does Pidge use the they, them, their pronouns? Shoot. I’ve been using she, her, hers for them.”

“No,” said Lance. “It wasn’t Pidge. And Pidge is currently using she, her, hers. I was just being vague on purpose.”

“Right,” said Veronica, her eyes drifting over to the table where Pidge was sitting. “By the way… when are you going to set me up with Keith?”

“What?” gasped Lance, looking over his shoulder to see Keith sitting with Pidge. They were in the middle of talking with their heads close together. He spun back around to confront Veronica’s wicked grin. “How many times do I have to tell you? I am never setting you up with Keith!”

“Right,” said Veronica. “Because all he cares about are knives?”

“Yes!”

“And wolves?”

“Yes!”

“And mullets?”

“Yes!”

“And he’s your ex boyfriend?”

“Yes!”

“Bingo,” said Veronica, her eyes lighting up with excitement.

“Wait… no… You confused me!” sputtered Lance.

“I should’ve figured this out earlier,” said Veronica, positively giddy. “You were so obsessed with Keith when you were in school together, always complaining about how perfect he is. Of course you had a crush on him. Of course!”

“I hate you so much right now,” moaned Lance, feeling his cheeks burn hot.

“Don’t be embarrassed, bro,” said Veronica. “Keith’s hot.”

“Shut. Up.”

“Allura’s hot too,” said Veronica. “You have really good taste.”

“Taste isn’t my issue,” said Lance. “You know the full story now… somehow…”

Veronica shrugged. “I’m an analyst. I wanted more data from you and I got it.”

“So now that you know that I had a sexual hallucination about Keith…” Lance sighed. “What should I do?”

“What do you want to do?” asked Veronica, softening.

“I want to make everything okay,” said Lance, weakly.

Veronica crossed her arms and leaned them on the table, she looked off into the distance, thinking before turning her gaze back on her brother. “The thing is though, things are never all okay at the same time and you can’t be responsible for making everything okay.”

“Of course I can. I just need to act better and get over Keith without stringing him along and be there for Allura and her needs and feel fulfilled by that relationship and –” Veronica cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“Lance, so much of that stuff is feelings. How you feel, how Keith feels, how Allura feels… You can’t control feelings. You can’t control your own feelings, let alone everyone else’s feelings.”

“But we have to work together,” said Lance. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone, but…” Lance swallowed, hard. “I don’t wanna hurt either, but I do. A lot.”

“Lance,” said Veronica, this time pushing away their trays so she could take both his hands. “I know you, okay? I’ve known you your life and you are one of the best kinds of people. You are so loving and giving…” Lance was shaking his head while she spoke “… But you are so, so hard on yourself.” Lance flicked his eyes to her in shock by what she’d said.

“You are always trying to be perfect and if you’re not you beat yourself up over it. You set a goal for yourself and even if you achieve it, you decide you didn’t do it well enough so you beat yourself up anyway.”

“No, I -”

“You wanted to be with Allura. From the outside you look like you’re doing everything right, but you’ve found this one mistake that I wonder if you were even in control of and you’re holding it up like it’s proof you’re not good enough.”

“But I’m not… I… I don’t know how to please everyone.”

“You don’t have to,” said Veronica. “Worry about pleasing yourself first. Do you want this relationship with Allura? Do you want to keep working with Keith? Because if not,” said Veronica, lightening her tone, “We can hop in the Red Lion right now and bid hasta luego to this whole saving the universe business.”

Lance let out a surprised chuckle. “Aren’t we too important to leave?”

“Sure, but also, we gotta take care of ourselves first. We’re family. Nothing’s more important than looking out for each other.”

Lance thought about that, about taking the pressure off by just not participating in any of it anymore, but he shook his head no.

“I get it,” said Veronica, leaning back. “You made a second family, didn’t you?”

Lance looked at her with a guilty expression.

“The only problem is you fucked half of them.”

Lance laughed. “We can’t all be literally perfect like you.”

“Naw,” said Veronica. “I had my dark times when I thought you were dead. I spread my seed around…. Actually, not even around. Like you I kept it a bit too close to home and I’ve had sex while high. Never tried it alone though. That could be fun…”

“Veronica,” moaned Lance.

“My point is I do dumb shit, but I’m not broken. I’m just your average person who occasionally does a weird thing. Just like you.”

“Right,” said Lance.

“It’s fine to fuck up a bit and I don’t think you need Allura to weigh in on your sex hallucination dream. I think you want her to decide what it means. I think you need to do that for yourself.” Lance fell silent as he watched his sister stand up. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.”

“Now I gotta go get my flirt on,” she said with a wink then turned and with a wave called out, “Hey Acxa!”

Wasn’t that cute? Veronica and Acxa were going to go flirt with guys together. As long as Acxa didn’t flirt with Keith, but then, Keith was gay so it shouldn’t matter. Of course Lance had been sure he himself was straight so really you never knew who could be bisexual.

*******

Soup. For breakfast. Keith fucking hated when aliens made human food. Still, he’d eaten worse. Far worse. Keith walked into the cafeteria with his tray and looked around to decide where to sit. The first person he spotted was Veronica and of course he recognized the back of the head of the person she sat across from. I mean… He’d hit that behind enough times.

Keith couldn’t sit with Lance. Going on a mission with him later would be one thing, but sitting across from him and pretending he didn’t just fuck him in his mind last night would be impossible. But also, he didn’t want to look like he was avoiding Lance. So what was he supposed to do? Eat in the bathroom like he did at the Garrison when James was getting to be too much for him?

Of course staring at the back of Lance’s head made Lance turn and look directly at him. Keith was preparing to walk out like he’d forgotten something when their eyes locked and -

“Ow!” cried Keith, a sharp mix of pain and pleasure hitting him so intensely his vision blurred. Unable to stay standing he dropped his tray on the nearest table and sat on the bench as the pain (pleasure?) subsided.

“Whoa,” said Pidge who happened to be sitting on the same bench he’d landed on.

“I’m fine,” lied Keith.

“You dirty fucking scoundrel,” swore Pidge.

“I can move if I’m in your space,” grumbled Keith, trying to get up, but finding his legs were jelly.

“I can’t believe you did it! You fucking did it!”

Finally Keith looked at Pidge because she was definitely overreacting to him sitting beside her. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Lance…,” said Pidge with wide eyes. “I can’t believe you’d do that to Allura.”

“Do what?” asked Keith, confused with a bit of worry creeping in.

“Cheat on her,” said Pidge.

“Pfft,” tisked Keith as he swung his legs around to sit properly on the bench. “You’ve got bad information.” He picked up a donut off his tray and took a bite, he was starving this morning.

“Oh, so you didn’t use the red lube last night to have psychic sex?”

Keith choked on the dry bite of donut. Powdered sugar sprayed out of his mouth as he tried to cough it clear. Finally he had to drink his coffee down like a shot to get his mouth functional enough to cry out, “What?!”

“I’m going to go ahead and take that as a big ol’ ‘yeah we did that,’” snickered Pidge with the biggest grin.

“What the fuck is psychic sex?” asked Keith with a harsh whisper.

“Sweetie, I believe it’s what you did last night.”

“That sounds made up and how would you even know?” demanded Keith. “Where’s the camera hidden, Pidge?! Where is it?!”

“I’m not filming you. Gross. I know because I just watched you and Lance have an after shock. And don’t act like that didn’t happen when you locked eyes. I just watched you almost fall over slash cum in your pants so…”

Keith didn’t know if he should give into the horror or slap Pidge for being a liar. Would either help him feel better? Instead he said, gravely, “I’m going to need all the information you have.”

“Whoa, you aren’t playing innocent, are you? You really don’t fucking know?” gasped Pidge. “Wait, did you two do it by accident? That is so rich!” Why was she so happy about this? 

“I used psychedelic lube, Pidge. How does that turn to psychic sex? Walk me through it.”

“Did you not… read… the label?”

“It’s in Altean!” snapped Keith.

“And how damn long have you been working with Altean tech for? Learn to read Altean!”

“That’s why I have you!”

“Right,” said Pidge with an eye roll. “What exactly do you want me to explain? The lube gives you an out of body experience and you can merge that experience with someone else as long as you do it at the same time and think about each other.”

“That doesn’t sound possible.”

“And yet…”

“I mean, that doesn’t sound like real science. How can you of all people accept that as possible?”

“There are many things outside of my capacity for understanding. I recently unlocked the power to see in the past back on Oriande and I don’t now how that works so yeah, fucking without touching seems completely plausible to me. Also, the only kind of sex that is remotely appealing to me.”

“Okay,” said Keith, finding his breathing was not at all steady. “Okay.”

“’Okay,’ he muttered as he struggled to accept the truth of his guilty actions,” narrated Pidge.

“Guilty actions? I didn’t know it was real! I didn’t even know Lance had another bottle of red lube. He gave his to me.”

“And then I gave him mine last night.”

“You!” snapped Keith, pointing an accusing finger at Pidge. “You set us up!”

Pidge rolled her eyes. “Sure. I tricked you into masturbating last night. Tell me again how that works.”

“It just seems a bit coincidental,” barked Keith.

“Right… Almost like the universe is pushing you together… and apart… and together and apart and together. At least I think that’s how it works with sex. I don’t really know.”

“What about that aftershock you mentioned? What the hell is that?”

“Another safety feature the lube scientists put in, like how they give you the after burn to prevent overuse. The after shocks from eye contact are to out people using the lube to cheat. Not a perfect system, but hey it just outted you and Lance.”

“How is it cheating if neither of us knew it was real?” demanded Keith.

“Sure. Claim ignorance. I bet Allura will just let it slide as long as you swear you didn’t know any better. Man, I can not wait to tell Lance this.”

Pidge went to get up and Keith grabbed her by the back of the collar and pulled her back down. “You can never tell him!” Keith said in a harsh whisper.

“Why not? He deserves to know the truth plus if this breaks him and Allura up, all the better,” cackled Pidge. “They suuuuuck.”

“Pidge, please, he can never know.”

“Hmm naw. I’m pretty sure I’m going to tell him.”

“But it’ll hurt him.”

“Do you really care so much about not hurting him that you’re going to keep breakup-able information to yourself?” asked Pidge.

“Yes,” said Keith, pushing all the emotion and sincerity he could muster into the word.

Pidge nodded slowly. “Yep. Don’t care. Hey La–”

Keith slapped a hand over her mouth. “Fine. What you do want?”

Pidge pulled the hand off her mouth and made a disgusted face, stretching out her jaw. “Please don’t gag me unless I ask you first. Besides, Keith, you know you don’t have anything I want.”

“I know, but Pidge, I am begging you. Can’t you think of something I can give you in exchange?”

“Well… that would mean I’m blackmailing you and my goal is to individually blackmail everyone on team Voltron.” Pidge was quiet while she considered this. “Fine. I won’t tell Lance, but in exchange I want details. Preferably typed up.”

“Seriously?” squeaked Keith.

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think you have Lance’s gift for the literary. I’ll just go tell Lance everything then read his implosion in his diary.”

“What font do you prefer?” asked Keith.

“Nothing fancy. Cambria or Times New Roman. If I see Verdana or Damacus, deal is off. Twelve point. Past tense. Lance writes first person, but feel free to experiment with third person. Stick to telling the story as it happened. I’ll be able to tell if you start making shit up. You’re not that creative, Keith.”

“Sure. Yeah.”

“Your blasé emo attitude is not filling me with confidence, Keith. As your editor, I’m doubting your ability to deliver. I’m going to need an audio sample.”

“What?” asked Keith, confused and annoyed.

“Gimme the best tidbit of the story now so I know you’re good for it.”

“Uh,” stammered Keith.

“Don’t go soft on my now. Sorry not sorry for the pun. Give me something or I will walk over to Lance right now and tell him you two did the dirty in the mindscape.”

“Fine. I…,” Keith couldn’t help but mumble the next part.

“What did you say?”

“I told Lance I wanted to…,” again his mouth muffled it involuntarily.

“You’re a big boy, Keith, use your big boy voice.”

“I told him I wanted to tie him to my bed and make him my dirty little sex doll.”

Pidge closed her eyes, letting out of slow puff of air when she opened them she said, “Keith, I take back everything I ever said about you. You’re not an idiot, you’re my hero and I will follow you to the ends of the universe.”

Keith was seriously worried he was publicly blushing. “Good ‘cause that’s kind the whole deal with me flying the Black Lion.”

“Type it up and have it on my desk by Friday,” said Pidge.

“You have a desk?”

“Down in the lab next to my dad’s. You should really tour the ship one day when you’re not too busy fucking Lance with your brain.”

“Hey guys!” The voice came out of nowhere, rattling Keith. He looked to see Nadia leaning across the table with a giant grin on her face. Ryan stood back at a reasonable distance. “We’re making a movie. Can we interview you for it?”

“What’s it about?” asked Keith, his mouth going dry. 

“We wanna hear your thoughts on the mission today.”

“Oh,” said Keith, so relieved they hadn’t overheard why he’d been talking to Pidge about and wanted to interview them about that. “Okay.”

“Great!”

Wait, had Keith been so happy they weren’t going to ask him about psychic sex with Lance that he agreed to be on camera? But last time he did that he ended up crying…

*******

So Lance needed to decide on his own what the hallucination meant. He’d really avoided replaying any of it in his head, but he couldn’t avoid reflecting on it forever, not if he was worried it was important. It could’ve been simple if he dismissed it as really wanting to have sex, but then him and Keith had talked so much during... Maybe their best talk. Of course it wasn’t real… but some of the stuff he’d imagined Keith saying to him about being proud of him and thinking he’s brave and… and saying he loved him.

Just the idea of being told he was loved, romantically loved by someone made Lance feel warm inside. Keith had implied it once when they were breaking up then he thought he’d said it when they lifting that first Komar Robeast up off Earth, but Allura had been talking at the same time so he didn’t hear it clearly… Now he’d only heard it in his imagination…

Maybe that’s what he needed, what he wasn’t getting from Allura. Keith had said he loved him and Lance almost… well… The polite thing to do when someone says they loved you was to say it back, but… he wasn’t actually going to say it back… Not to Keith… even if…

Lance finally dared to look over his shoulder again at Keith. He was worried that strange evil orgasm would happen again if he met his eye, but Keith was distracted by Ryan and Nadia sticking a camera in his face and talking to him and Pidge. Man, Keith looked so uncomfortable which was too bad. Making a movie sounded like a fun distraction. Lance was contemplating going over there when he heard a tray being set down at his table.

“I am so glad I caught you,” said Allura, sitting down opposite of him. She was dressed in her paladin suit since they had a mission soon. Lance had worn his to breakfast also, not having the energy to dress in his Atlas uniform only to have to switch to his Paladin suit an hour later.

“Allura,” said Lance. “I thought you were skipping breakfast.”

“I was going to, but when I heard word of the mission I decided to speak to the Alteans later in the day. Besides you seemed sad when you left my room last night. I wanted to check on you.”

“Oh yeah…,” said Lance, surprised she’d noticed. Lance felt like he’d spent a full year with the same people never noticing if he was okay or not and suddenly everyone was taking an interest.

“You look sad now,” said Allura, frowing. “Was it the fight with Pidge that’s brothering you?”

“Oh no, that was resolved,” said Lance.

“Then is it me?” asked Allura.

Lance sighed. “No.” I mean… it wasn’t. “Just didn’t sleep well.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” said Allura. “Perhaps you can rest after our mission.”

An alarm went off as Iverson’s voice boomed over the PA, “EVERYONE REPORT TO YOUR BATTLE STATIONS IMMEDIATELY!”

“Getting the feeling we won’t get any downtime today,” said Lance with a sigh.


	8. Day 47 Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and James talk "Man to man" and Lance tries to make everyone happy.

Tentacles. So many tentacles. Not what Lance was hoping for this morning. They landed their Lions back inside the Atlas’s hangar just as a communication came through over the PA. “PALADINS, BE ADVISED YOUR MISSION HAS BEEN PUSHED BACK TO 1200 HOURS DUE TO DELAYS.”

“The kind of delays where we get attacked by a giant space squid,” muttered Lance.

Allura said she was going to hit the showers so Lance decided to do the same. He’d already showered at 3am, but he felt so exhausted AND tense today, he was hoping the steam and his favourite beauty products would relax him, help him stop obsessing over last night, or at the very least help him decide how he felt about it.

Lance grabbed his shower caddy from his room and stepped out just as Keith walked out of his. Lance could see Keith had a towel, which meant he was also heading to the showers. This… this seemed like a bad idea, should Lance abort at this point or would it be obvious he was avoiding the showers because Keith would be there too.

Unsure how to back out, Lance just walked behind Keith as they headed towards the bathroom. Keith kept kinda looking over his shoulder, but then turning straight forward before their eyes met. Okay, what the hell?

Lance shouldn’t’ say anything… Too late he was going to say something. “I know I said it’s best we pretend we didn’t see each other, but that doesn’t extend to today. You’re going to have to acknowledge me sometime.”

“You’re pretty hard to ignore, Lance,” said Keith, still not looking back.

“And yet you have the top prize.”

“Just come walk beside me if you need the attention,” said Keith, slowing his pace.

Lance moved in step with Keith, but Keith was still avoiding his eye. Maybe that was best since that weird evil dry orgasm thing had happened before when he’d made eye contact with Keith. That was probably just a coincidence, but he didn’t want to get caught having another in front of him.

Keith, naturally, did not introduce a new topic of conversation. Lance was stumped as well so they walked silently. He wondered if Keith was embarrassed about meeting in the med closet last night. Lance knew he was and add to that knowing what he’d hallucinated just before… There was no way Keith’s embarrassment over having a new sex partner compared to Lance’s humiliation.

They filed into the shower room, still not speaking.

“McClain, Kogane,” said James, giving them a nod. He was standing by a locker, pulling off his shirt. “That was crazy, right?”

“Yep,” said Keith, pushing his way into a shower stall, still dressed in his under suit and closing the door.

“Still a shy guy, hey Kogane?” called James as he pulled down his pants and underwear together. Lance shifted his gaze elsewhere to see Keith throwing the pieces of his under suit up to hang across the top of the door. “Just like at the Garrison.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to see your junk out,” said Lance, feeling defensive on Keith’s behalf.

“Hey,” said James, suddenly serious. “Nudity is permissible in the Atlas’s common shower area as long as a respectable distance his kept between –”

“Yeah, we’re all impressed with your ability to memorize the rule book, Griffin. My point is maybe it’s you, not him.” That’s right. Lance just remembered something. He fucking hates this guy.

James chuckled. “Oh that’s right, I forgot. You were the one who always stood up for Kogane back in the day.”

Lance decided it was best to open up a locker to hide his reaction. Okay, so maybe a few times when they were in school together Lance heard James talking shit about Keith behind his back and told him to knock it off. Complaining about Keith was Lance’s jam and to be fair it should be kept to safe topics like how dumb Keith’s mullet is and how he’s so good at everything. James liked to go around telling everyone Keith was an orphan who only got into the program because Shiro took pity on him.

“It’s adorable how you two are still chummy even after Kogane flunked out.”

Lance heard Keith’s shower turn on, he was no longer entertaining Griffin’s assholery. Lance really shouldn’t either, yet… “That drop-out is the best pilot in the universe. Imagine what he could’ve done with a full education.” Old habits die hard.

“It’s cool, McClain,” said James. “I was just teasing him for being scared of a little nudity. It’s not like any of us are checking him out, right?”

“Actually,” said Lance, “I’m bisexual.”

That threw James for a loop. “But you’re dating a girl.”

“Yep,” said Lance with a shrug, “But my attractions are still to all genders.”

“Well I-,” sputtered James. “I in no way meant to imply that I personally view homosexuality or bisexuality in a negative light as that would violate the Atlas Code of Conduct Chapter 8, subsection 3.4 wherein any disparaging comment related to a person’s age, gender, race or sexuality will be considered hate speech.”

“Whatever. It’s cool,” said Lance though he noticed James pull out a towel and wrap it around himself before walking himself over the to the shower stalls.

*****

Keith’s policy with James was just to steer clear of him and not react to anything he says. Had been since he was in grade school. The one time he’d let James bait him into a big reaction – and by “big reaction” this meant punching him – it nearly cost Keith his place at the Garrison. He’d promised Shiro he’d never let James get to him again. He mostly kept that promise…

Between James being an idiot and Keith needing to avoid eye contact with Lance, he decided it was best to get inside that shower as quickly as possible. This of course didn’t get unnoticed by James. Keith couldn’t believe Lance was bothering to argue with the guy, but then Lance was kinda cute when he got worked up. 

“Oh that’s right, I forgot. You were the one who always stood up for Kogane back in the day.”

Keith paused when he heard this, risking peering over the stop of the shower stall to look to see Lance’s embarrassed reaction. Wait… Lance had stood up for Keith at the Garrison? Stood up to James no less? Keith turned away before he was caught looking. He was trying to process this. So he now knew that Lance had looked up to him at the Garrison and had even defended him? And Keith had completely ignored him the whole time. He felt sad. He could’ve used someone like Lance in his life back then and as if he needed another reason to be in love with Lance.

Keith turned the shower on, wanted to act like he wasn’t listening in on this conversation. (But he was.) James said something that was definitely meant to be homophobic or imply that Keith was homophobic. Ha! And then Lance really surprised Keith.

“Actually, I’m bisexual,” said Lance. Lance came out to someone. He came out to James in order to defend Keith. Wow.

Hearing James get upset thinking he’d broken one of his precious rules was a treat. Keith was grateful to overhear that moment. James finally shut up and went to use a shower stall way at the other end of the room. Keith paid attention to washing his hair until Lance joined him in the shower stall next to him. He wondered why Lance would pick a stall so close, but as soon as he was inside he mumbled, just loud enough for Keith to here, “That guy’s a dick.”

“What did you say?” called James from the other end of the room. Damn he had good hearing.

“I said I like dick!” yelled Lance.

Keith burst out laughing. Yes, Lance. Use your absurd dirty mouth for good. Lance joined in laughing with Keith. He could sense James steaming over in his stall. Keith wanted to look at Lance, to see his joyful face because it had fucking been awhile, but he couldn’t risk throwing them into an after shock, especially not with James to bare witness.

*****

Lance was so happy he’d made Keith laugh. Keith rarely did, which meant when he was able to hit the right note and get him going, it felt all the sweeter. Lance liked seeing that big smile on Keith’s face. Still Keith wouldn’t look at him and maybe it wasn’t appropriate for Lance to look over at Keith, but he could only see from the shoulders up. The broad shoulders… dripping wet… shit he suddenly got back the memory of the last time he’d seen Keith soaking wet when he’d failed to wash off the red lube’s burn the first time. Lance had been so turned on he’d made a mental note to take a shower with Keith as soon as they had a shower big enough to do so in. These were big showers.

‘No!’ Lance mentally scolded himself as he spun to the side. He’d just realized he was making himself hard. Fuck. Lance had long since connected the idea of Keith + shower = sexy in his brain and now muscle memory was kicking in. Lance honestly wanted to scream at his dick, ‘you have a girlfriend!’

Okay, how subtlety could he flip his water from hot to cold?

Lance never figured it out since that’s when the gravity turned off.

It’s not like the gravity hadn’t malfunctioned before, but never in the shower. Losing gravity in the shower is chaotic. At first Lance thought his feet left the ground because he’d slipped, but then he failed to actually fall and suddenly he was just rising up in the air that was filled with water droplets.

“What the hell?” cried James, reacting appropriately to the gravity loss.

The beauty of it distracted Lance as he watched the ball shaped water droplets collide to form even bigger droplets.

The water from showerhead was shooting water balls straight out. They were colliding around the room and making bigger and bigger orbs of water.

“Uh, Lance,” said Keith. He turned to see Keith had wisely grabbed hold of the side of the shower stall so he didn’t float up to high like Lance had and oh crap, his junk was exposed and he had still failed to ‘calm down.’

“Fuck,” moaned Lance, but Keith was already snatching his floating towel out of the air and whisking it over to Lance. As soon as Lance was able to reach out and grab the end, he wrapped it around his waist only to have it simply float around him like he was Marilyn fucking Monroe. He had to shove it down and tuck it between his legs to get any coverage. “Thanks, man,” said Lance, but as he turned to look at Keith their eyes met and two things happened at once. That evil dry orgasm hit him again AND the gravity turned back on.

Lance was gasped in pain even before he freefell six feet to hit the wet tile and have an entire shower’s worth of water dumped on him at once.

He heard the unmistakable screech of foot slipping on wet tile followed by a thump and James screaming, “Fuck!” He’d clearly attempted to land on his feet and failed.

Lance was groaning on the ground, the showerhead spraying water onto his body, the towel around his waist now soaking wet. He could hear Keith groaning in the stall beside him, but didn’t dare look at him, not after eye contact with Keith twice today had resulted in a weird pain, pleasure response that Lance wasn’t gonna lie… he kinda enjoyed. But the thing was, Keith knew that would happen so what the fuck did that mean?

“I’m gonna kill Slav,” Keith muttered. 

Good news! Lance’s boner was finally gone which was good because he was so done with showering in case the gravity turned off again.

“First tentacles, now this,” moaned James, limping out of his stall. “How can a day go so wrong before lunch?”

“I guess we know why the entire room has drains and not just the stalls,” said Keith, taking careful steps as the whole floor was wet.

*******

It didn’t mean anything that Lance got hard in the shower. That’s what Keith kept telling himself, because, c’mon! It was Lance! Last night meant something though… Lance was still thinking about him, was still attracted to him, still cared enough to say all those sweet things to him…

This was a new form of torture. Knowing these things about how Lance felt and then watching him and Allura together and Keith still had a mission to lead today. He had to put on his leader persona and pretend nothing was wrong. Oh also, he was getting filmed while he was pretending nothing was wrong.

Ryan and Nadia walked up to him, Lance, and Allura as they were waiting for Hunk and Pidge to arrive in their gear (and while Keith was working very hard to not look directly at Lance. He found if he focused on Lance’s ear he could get away with it and no one seemed suspicious.)

“Lance, how are you feeling about the mission you’re about to go on?”

“Oh hey. I’m feeling good I guess. Maybe a little tense. Maybe a lot tense. I don’t know. Why’d you have to ask me that question?”

Allura put a comforting hand on Lance’s shoulder and said, “I think what Lance is trying to say is he’ll be fine. We all will.”

Lance gave Allura an adoring look and Keith couldn’t anymore. He just couldn’t.

“Let’s move out,” he said. Pidge and Hunk could catch up. He was done seeing this.

The mission didn’t go smoothly. What should’ve been a deactivated robeast had defense mechanisms. Luckily, the Atlas backed them up and they were able to retrieve the Altean pilot from the wreckage.

Mission done, Keith could avoid Lance the rest of the day. He felt like Lance was ready to avoid him too which meant Lance had figured out the after shock thing. Well, maybe not what it meant, but that it was happening when they made eye contact. Keith was counting on Lance being in enough denial to not figure out last night was real. But then, it was Lance, who spent years denying his attraction to men so Keith was likely off the hook.

*******

Lance was a good boyfriend. Scratch that. He wasn’t, but he could be a good boyfriend going forward. Veronica had advised he listen to his own feelings, put himself first, but he truly believed that he could feel good if he just got this boyfriend thing nailed down. She’d said he shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect and that it was okay to make mistakes. Well… mistakes had been made. Twice now so that meant he was on track to be good, but not perfect.

He didn’t like that his attraction to Keith was still so strong. It’s like all those years he’d repressed feeling attracted to him had caused him to just overdose on it now. But feeling attraction to someone else wasn’t the worst thing you could do in a relationship. He hadn’t done anything with Keith. Keith didn’t seem interested back anyway. He likely was seeing somebody. Lance had definitely eliminated James as a possibility based on their interaction in the showers, which meant Shiro was the likely culprit. Lance should feel happy for Keith, but… It made him uneasy to think about them together. Probably best to just not rather than question why.

Allura had been supportive of him today and he wanted to show her that support back, as strong as possible. That would help push this guilt away. The new Altean, Tavo, wouldn’t cooperate with speaking with her either. Allura had walked back out of the interview room mere minutes after she’d walked in, looking completely defeated. They went for a walk around the Atlas to help her clear her head.

“Anything?” asked Lance as they walked.

“No, he was just like the others,” said Allura, so glum she was looking at the ground instead of him. “A true believer in Honerva and there’s nothing I can say that would make him think otherwise.”

“I’m sorry,” said Lance, they’d stopped walking.

“No, I am.” Why was Allura sorry? It’s not like she was having dirty fantasies about Lotor at night… “These Alteans are the key to unlocking Honerva’s plan. They’re my people, but they won’t speak to me. You have no idea what it’s like to find out after 10,000 years that you’re not the last of your kind only to be rejected by them.” She was having such a hard time and here Lance was acting like having the hormones of teenager was the worst thing in the world. He felt selfish.

“I don’t,” he said. “But I wish everyday that there was something I could do to change it all for you. You’ve suffered more than anyone should in a thousand lifetimes.” They’d all suffered in this war, but Allura’s added burden was feeling she was meant to be a savior and finding Honerva had beat her to the punch. At least, Lance had a role to play, something he’d felt insecure about for so long. Allura didn’t know what her purpose was anymore. Lance could relate to that, but he also knew what he wished he’d heard when he was struggling. “But still you persist. Through the pain, you inspire. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

Say it back.

Say it back…

Please…

Allura stepped into his arms to hug him. When they kissed this time it just… It wasn’t… Lance didn’t now what it was.

*******

They spent more time together with Lance attempting to be goofy to get Allura smiling, but really he wasn’t feeling it. It was almost a relief when Hunk called Allura away. He felt bad for that, but he wanted some time alone. He’d done his good boyfriending for the day. It helped Allura a little, but it didn’t help him feel better.

Wishing he could help Allura in a legitimate way made him remember something. When Lance felt like he was useless to the team he’d gone to Keith to confirm this for him, but Keith had acted shocked Lance ever thought he wasn’t valuable and told Lance to focus on his missions and not think about it. Then… then Keith had volunteered to leave. Geez, when Lance had gotten confirmation from Keith that he’d left to protect Lance’s position they had been fighting and he’d been so angry. To him he felt like it was confirmation that Keith would’ve taken Red back and Lance would’ve gotten booted for sure but…

Keith left because he thought the thing Lance cared most about was a spot on the team. Lance had interpreted it as Keith abandoning him, but really Keith had done it because he cared about him. It felt weird to see it this way, but now Lance knew that if Allura needed Lance to leave for her, he’d do it in a heartbeat. It seemed you could show love by leaving. He wished he’d realized this earlier.

*******

Word around the Atlas was Hunk had won over the Altean pilots with his baking which seemed about on par with the weirdness happening today. Keith decided he’d go congratulate the Yellow Paladin on a job well done. He realized he hadn’t spent much face time with Hunk lately… Or any Paladin besides Pidge… Really, he was starting to feel like he was lacking as a leader. Sure, they were nailing their missions, but the team didn’t feel as cohesive lately. He tried to think of what Shiro would do but… thinking about Shiro just made him grumpy. Same as thinking about Lance… And Allura… Okay, Keith was definitely failing at peopling lately.

Keith was hoping to find Hunk in the kitchen even though it was getting late in the evening. He was heading there when he saw Lance turn the corner down the hall. Keith full on gay-panicked and booted it around another corner because he couldn’t risk eye contact with Lance, right? No other reason…

Keith wasn’t looking where he was going, too busy checking to see if Lance would come after him when, so it was a surprise when he backed into someone.

“Watch it, Kogane,” said James.

Great… This fucking guy twice in one day.

“Sorry,” said Keith, flatly. He’d conditioned himself as a kid to just suppress emotion when he was around James. “I was just…” Ummmm fuck.

“We’re hiding from the camera,” said Ina, she was standing behind James, both pressed to the wall.

“Same,” lied Keith. “I thought I saw Ryan coming.”

James was just looking at Keith and for whatever reason it made Keith stand up straighter.

“You two are puffing out your chests,” said Ina. “In the animal kingdom this would be considered a attempt to show dominance over the other.”

There was an awkward silence after being called out, but neither of them relaxed their posture. Fuck it. Keith was a grown man who’d been through hell multiple times. He wasn’t going to back down from his childhood bully. Not anymore anyway.

“You and me,” said James. “We’re long overdue for having words. Man to man.”

“Your gendered invitation suggests I’m not invited,” said Ina.

“Nope,” said James, still holding eye contact with Keith.

“I’ll just go then,” said Ina, turning and walking off without another word.

“What do ya say?” asked James.

“Fine,” said Keith, “But on my terms.”

“What does that mean?” asked James, letting off a bit of the tough guy edge.

“Follow me and you’ll see.”

********

Colleen’s mouth was screwed up and twisted to the side as she considered both of them. She tapped her finger on her crossed arms as she looked back and forth between the two of them. Finally she spoke. “Is he a nark?” she asked Keith, nodding to James.

“No, he’s cool,” said Keith. Well…

“He looks like a nark.”

“I’ll vouch for him.”

Colleen was quiet, still eyeing the two of them. Finally she said, “I’m sensing some deeply rooted beef between the two of you.”

“Yep.”

“You said you two were gonna ‘have words?’”

“Yep.”

“And I get to watch?”

“Yes,” said Keith.

“Alright,” said Colleen, dropping the serious act. “C’mon in.” She turned and led them through the doorway and into the plant nursery. “Sorry for the mess,” she said, moving a broom out of the way. “Nadia was in here earlier and she knocked a planter over and then the gravity turned off…” Colleen sighed and turned back to them. “What kind of menu are you thinking?”

“Bartender’s choice,” said Keith. Colleen grinned and walked away.

James looked between them as if he couldn’t understand the language they were speaking.

“Help me,” said Keith, grabbing the folding table. James set up the chairs.

They sat across from each other, James still giving Keith the stink eye. Keith didn’t know how this was supposed to start so he just waited, not breaking eye contact until Colleen returned with a tray and started setting glasses down in front of them.

“Shot of the root vodka to warm you up and you’re in luck because my first batch of home brew is ready to try. Bon appetite.” Colleen took two steps them spun to lean against the wall and watch them from a not quite respectable distance, her own drink in hand, dropping the tray on the nearest planter.

“This is alcohol,” said James, pointing at the shot glasses with the pinkish liquid and the taller glasses of what looked like legit beer.

“Observant,” said Keith.

“The consumption of alcohol is not permissible on board the IGF Atlas vis-à-vis the Atlas Code of Conduct chapter four, subsection –“

Keith shushed James. “I already vouched for you. Be cool.” James looked over at Colleen who had an eyebrow raised. If James ended up ratting her out, Keith could tell there would be hell to pay. “Don’t have any if you’re so concerned, but I need a drink before we start.”

Keith took his shot of pinkish alien vodka. James picked his up and did the same all the while maintaining his judgmental eye contact with Keith. Keith noticed he downed the shot without wincing. Okay, so James was seasoned drinker, he just usually did it when the rules said he could. 

“So…,” said Keith, picking up his beer and taking a sip. It wasn’t great, but then Keith didn’t like the taste of beer anyway so it was likely normal for beer. He could already feel the shot warming his belly and making everything just a little bit more tolerable.

“So,” said James, taking a long drag on his beer, which emptied half the glass. Yeah, he was definitely more used to this than Keith. James set his drink down heavy and wiped excess liquid from his upper lip before leaning forward and saying, “What’s your secret?” The tone surprised him, it was so sincere, but the wording scared him. Oh no, his secret? About mind fucking Lance last night? How could James possibly – “How do you do it?” He wanted to try now?! Did Pidge put him up to this? “From one team leader to another, how do you get your team so synced up with each other?”

“What?” asked Keith. He was still thinking this was about sex and he was awfully confused.

“When I watch you work together on mission, you’re so in tune with each other. My team is tight, but yours makes our look like a ragtag group of misfits in comparison.”

“You’re actually asking me for advice on team building?” asked Keith, his voice breaking from surprise.

“Yeah, because I swear sometimes it seems like you’re reading each other’s minds.” James seemed honestly impressed. This was not how Keith thought this would go. Colleen looked thrown too.

“To be fair,” said Keith, carefully. “This is a bit of a mind synching element to Voltron. At least when we are transforming.”

“Oh, so it’s like an alien magic cheat?” said James, his tone becoming dismissive. Of course James wouldn’t count that as fair.

“Sure, when we’re transforming, but the stuff before and after we had to practice to get good at working together, but we’ve been doing this for awhile. You and the MFE’s will get there.”

“No, see,” said James, shaking his finger. “That’s where your facts are incorrect because my team experienced three more years than you. We may not have started at the same time, but we’ve logged more flight hours.”

Keith found himself rolling his eyes. Usually he didn’t get this expressive in front of James, but the booze was working fast and loosening him up. “Of course you’ve crunched the numbers.”

“I did no such thing,” said James, defensively. “I had Ina crunch them for me.”

Keith let out of chuckle, inspite of himself.

“He laughs,” said James, sarcastically. “Here I thought you were all business all the time.”

“Coming from you that is ironic.”

“Look, if you’re not willing to give advice…” began James. He downed the rest of his beer then stood up.

“Hold on,” said Keith, waving at James until he sat. “Have you ever tried team building exercises?”

“Like trust falls?” asked James with a raised eyebrow.

“Naw, that’s for amateurs.” James looked intrigued so Keith continued. “Okay, so there’s with one where you make them food and then handcuff their hands together…”

*******

It was late. Who knows how late? Keith had drank a lot of beer. Who knows how much beer? He was definitely drunker than he intended to be. Didn’t help that Colleen kept pouring them all shots and making sarcastic toasts to “the war effort.” James kept repeating the toast with vigor as if he weren’t hearing the snarky undertones.

James…

James was an open book now that he was drunk. He was talking about his childhood, growing up, how tough his parents were on him. He came from a long line of fighter pilots starting back in World War I all the way up to his mom. James’s dad was a high court judge. The expectation to be the top of his class was never even voiced. He was born into the expectation. “But I wasn’t the top student,” said James, his voice just a little slurred. “Guess who was…”

Colleen’s hand shot into the air. Her mouth was busy drawing from her vape so she just went ahead and pointed at Keith.

“This fucking guy.” Oh look, Keith and James had the same nickname for each other.

“You had the top grades in public school,” said Keith, letting his eyes drift away as he sipped at his latest refill.

“Oh, fuck off,” said James. “Kogane, I would watch you during tests. You would whip through the test quickly then you’d go back and carefully erase a third of your answers and fill in a different bubble.”

“So? I was double checking my answers.”

“Thing was though, you had all the answers right the first time. You were going back to make some of them wrong. Get just enough mistakes to give you a solid C average.”

“Ohhhhh,” muttered Colleen.

“So my question is, why sabotage yourself? Why not take the full marks?”

Keith was quiet.

“C’mon, Kogane. This has been driving me crazy for the past decade. Why change your answers?”

Colleen leaned forward, vape forgotten in her hand, waiting just as patiently as James for Keith to answer this. He sighed. Okay, he was just drunk enough to talk about this.

Keith traced his finger around the rim of an empty shot glass as he spoke. “When a kid who has everything goes through a trauma and loses everything, people are sympathetic. He is brave for what he went through, but when a kid who never had anything to begin with loses what little he has…” Keith swallowed hard. “He’s expected to be grateful for anything that’s given to him. What normal kids have, food, shelter, education… When it’s a handout to someone who never had much of this stuff to begin with, that kid is taking from the system, should be humble, shouldn’t want for more… even if he sees that everyone else has more and no one expects them to be grateful for that.”

The room was dead silent as Keith slid that shot glass to the center of the card table. “Humbleness and gratitude,” he said, looking at the shot glass.

“But then,” said Keith, picking up another shot glass and twisting it between his fingers, “What if that kid isn’t good at playing that part? He’s quick to anger, he’s sent to counselors, they tell him he needs to be more disciplined. As if discipline has any appeal when everything that mattered to him was already gone. Never mind that the kids that already have everything can get frustrated and lose their cool and point out what’s unfair whenever they want. That’s not what’s being asked. He’s being told to stop being so different so everyone else can feel comfortable.” Keith flipped the shot glass upside down and balanced it on the first glass. “Don’t make them uncomfortable.”

Keith wasn’t looking up while he spoke, but he could feel Colleen and James’s eyes on him. “The word gifted,” said Keith, scooping up the last empty shot glass. “That’s a loaded word. It comes with a lot of expectation. Potential that needs to be fulfilled and also, jealousy from those shiny normal kids who had a head start. And the pressure of it, Griffin,” said Keith, flicking his eyes up to his adversary. “You might be familiar with.” Keith placed that last empty shot glass on top of the other two, completing his tower.

“You add those things up, that kid’s under a lot of different expectations, to be humble and grateful and normal, but special. It all contrasts and… it makes it impossible to not have someone disappointed in the part he’s failing to play. Most likely everyone is at least a bit disappointed and…” Keith knocked over the pile of cups, letting them scatter. “So what does he do?” Keith stacked up the shot glasses again then flipped his empty beer glass over the tower. “He hides it all. Tries to be none of it, nothing. Get eyes off of him and then he doesn’t disappoint anyone.

“It took me three foster homes and four schools before I figured out how to mute myself. It started it before I met you, Griffin. Changing my test answers wasn’t about you… if that’s what you were thinking.”

Colleen’s face was tense, her eyebrows pinched together, lips in a pout, chin resting on a balled up fist. She didn’t say anything. It was Griffin who broke the silence and said, “Whoa. Here I honestly thought you not having parents released you from expectations.”

“Yeah, well…” muttered Keith, he was embarrassed. This was the first time he’d talked all this through and James maybe wasn’t the best audience.

“But you changed at the Garrison,” said James. “You stopped dumbing down your test answers. It was because suddenly you had Shiro in your corner, right?” Keith didn’t say anything. “I was so jealous you had his attention. I got kinda nasty because of it. You may have noticed.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” said Keith, quietly.

“I’ve had this thought,” said James, looking over Keith’s shoulder. “It keeps coming back to me ever since we met again.”

“Oh?” said Keith, bracing himself for some kind of accusation.

“The Garrison could’ve been a fresh start for you,” said James, still not looking at Keith. “No one knew where you came from or who your parents were. Because of the uniform no one would’ve seen your second hand clothes and beyond the lack of haircut, which I see you are sticking with, no one would’ve known if you had money or not. But… I came to the Garrison with you and I was petty and jealous of your gifts and how you caught Shiro’s eye so I told everyone who would listen all of it.” James closed his eyes, taking a long steady breath before continuing. “I told them your dad was dead and you didn’t know who your mom was and you were a foster kid that didn’t’ have the grades to get in, but Shiro took pity on you. I sabotaged your fresh start and then I never missed an opportunity to remind you of where you came from.

“I don’t have an excuse for that. I thought I could make myself feel better than you if I convinced everyone you were below me, but that was shitty of me. I was a bully to you and you probably wouldn’t have even gotten kicked out for discipline issues if I hadn’t been baiting you into acting out at every opportunity.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for awhile and I know there isn’t a way to apologize that would earn me forgiveness, but I am sorry. Do you think in the future, if I ever learn to stop teasing you in the shower, you could forgive me?”

Keith offered his hand. Tentative James took it and shook it. “I forgive you.”

“But uh,” sputtered James, withdrawing his hand. “I haven’t earned it. I’m still jealous of you even. You came back an intergalactic hero and you’re this incredible leader. I still have to fight my instinct to hate you for it.”

Keith found himself laughing because James was actually complimenting him. “If I waited for everyone who every treated me poorly because I was different to apologize to me over drinks, I would need to get drunk every night for the rest of my life.”

“Keith,” said Colleen, suddenly speaking up. “I’m sorry. I’m drunk and I need to…” She stumbled forward and gave him a sloppy side hug. 

“Oh,” said James. “Can I get one of those? My mom’s not a hugger...”

“Fine,” said Colleen. James stood up to take his hug properly. “You’re good boys,” she said.

Colleen offered James a drag of her vape. Keith took it next without even questioning it. It made him cough, hard. “That wasn’t Tabaco,” said Keith when he was done.

“Never said it was,” said Colleen with a laugh. 

“But the smell...”

“Alien cannabis. All of the high, none of the skunk.”

Keith shifted his eyes to James who gave an innocent shrug. “Nothing in the rules about that.”

Keith laughed because James was accidentally funny. James joined in laughing with him and Keith felt comfortable enough to change the topic to what he wanted to hear because fuck it. “You said Lance used to stick up for me at the Garrison.”

“Right,” said James with a chuckle.

Colleen made a little excited gasp, but fortunately James didn’t seem to notice or read into it. “Yeah, he was like the bullying etiquette police. Told me it was taboo to pick on your parents or the foster kid thing. Had suggestions for nicknames for you like Mullet Head or Mr. Perfect or Pretty Boy.”

“Pretty Boy?” squeaked Colleen.

“Right?” repeated James, “For Kogane. Didn’t fit. I don’t know what Lance thought he was doing. He seemed to think we were in cahoots for mocking you yet I never heard him say a damn thing to your face.”

“Yeah, he never did,” said Keith, “but he never stood up for me either.”

“Not in front of you, but like I said, he had a lot to say to me whenever he caught me talking about you. Hey…” James titled his head, his tone getting serious. “Maybe I’m outta line saying this, but I kinda wonder if the guy has a thing for you.”

Keith almost choked. Luckily he was vaping at the time so he covered it up as a cough.

“What makes you think that?” asked Colleen, doing a poor job or hiding her grin.

“’Cause he like… Well, in he showers earlier.”

“What about the showers?” asked Colleen, desperate excitement in her tone of voice.

“I thought he was weird,” said James, trying to talk to Keith, but giving Colleen the side eye since she was staring so intently, “He didn’t give you a buffer shower between you two and then when the gravity turned off –“

“The gravity turned off while you were in the shower together?” gasped Colleen. Keith blinked at her and she shook her head. “Continue.”

“Well I saw his… uhhh… I dunno. I think he was just happy to be near you if you know what I mean.”

“Details,” demanded Colleen.

“She’s drunk,” said Keith. “Ignore her.”

“How dare you. I’m high and drunk.”

“Also, like he said he was bisexual,” continued James, no less awkward. “Uh which Ryan said means he likes bros too.”

“He’s with Allura,” said Keith.

“Right,” said James with a deep nod. “I guess I shouldn’t have said anything and I don’t know if you’re…” James cleared his throat as he gestured to Keith. “But like I’m realizing it’s not so easy to tell what everyone… is.”

“Oh no?” said Colleen.

“Yeah, so like I was seeing this girl,” said James, gaining enthusiasm suddenly. “And like we were mostly just hooking up.” Fuckboy James confirmed. “But then she was like naw, and now every time I see her she’s with a new girl.”

“And how does that make you feel?” asked Colleen, tenting her fingers like this was a damn counseling session.

“Well, I guess it makes me feel like I ruined her for other dicks.” Colleen burst out laughing. “What?” She kept laughing until she was wheezing. “No, seriously, what? What’s so funny?”

“Oh, hunny, no,” said Colleen when she could finally speak again. “If your dick was that good, she’d still be with you.”

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” Oh, James was salty.

“I mean,” said Colleen, “You need to work on your tongue game.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“How do you know?”

“A mother knows.”

“That came out creepy,” said Keith, surprising himself since he didn’t think he was still in the conversation.

“Fine. Whatever. How do I improve my tongue game?” asked James.

“Oh!” said Colleen, clapping her hands together. “The kitchen has peaches. Let’s go!”

“No…,” said Keith.

“Yesssss,” said Colleen, pulling Keith up by the arm.

********

Keith could only hope that the booze would erase the memory of James and Colleen lapping at halved peaches while he lay on top of the cold kitchen counter. He was switching between laughing and groaning. Every time one of them invited him to try he’d wave them off saying, “I told you this doesn’t apply to me!” That’s when Colleen brought out the bananas…

What a fucking night. But it was fun. The night before had been confusing and erotic and kinda amazing, but made Keith feel so guilty today. Suddenly with the right mixture of alien booze and weed in his system he felt good about it, maybe even proud of it. Hell, Lance had loved it when it was happening. He’d made his boy cum like there was no tomorrow and he hadn’t laid a finger on him. Fuck it being wrong. He just wanted to enjoy something for once.

James passed out first, propped against the oven he’d turned on for “warmth.” That’s when Colleen’s questioning moved to Keith. She wanted the full story behind the anti-gravity shower, the “director’s cut” as she called it. But… he couldn’t fully explain the shower without telling her about the night before.

“I missed…. So much,” gasped Colleen when he was done explaining the events of the last twenty-four hours. Had it only been that long?

“That’s one way to put it.”

“Here’s another way,” she said. “You haven’t been following my directions for the long game.”

Keith blinked so hard he forgot to open his eyes again. “No… no, I guess mind fucking wasn’t part of the plan.”

“No, it was not on there, but… I supposed my directions were tailored for a friend not an ex so it wasn’t perfect advice.”

“What I do now?” asked Keith, opening his eyes and sitting up which was hard because the counter was swaying like a ship caught in waves.

“I dunno,” said Colleen. She was squatting down next to the snoring James, drawing a penis on his face with a black marker. “I think if you confront Lance with all this stuff, you’re gonna risk him denying it and cutting you off, but… leaving this unsaid isn’t a good course either.”

“So you no know?”

Colleen turned her eyes to look at him with that intense mama gaze of hers “So this lube… Who was the person who gave it to Lance and explained how it worked to you?”

“Um,” mumbled Keith, blushing. “Just a crew member. No one you know.”

“Right,” said Colleen, completely unconvinced. She went back to drawing the balls.

“You know he gonna think I did that when he wakes up,” said Keith.

“You’re right,” said Colleen, shaking her head. “I should sign my work.” Then she went about signing her name on his chin with a drunken flourish.

Keith laughed. “He’s gonna have that on his face for days. Y’okay with everyone knowing if was you?”

“He won’t,” said Colleen. “It’ll wash off. This isn’t a permanent marker.” Keith watched her squint at the label. Her eyes suddenly went wide. She frowned as she clicked the lid back on.

“I get where Pidge gets it,” said Keith, being very candid.

“Oh yeah,” said Colleen. “Matt is an angel just like his dad, but that little hellion is pure me.” They both liked to ‘get involved’ didn’t they?

“Alright,” said Colleen, smacking James repeatedly, but gently on the cheek. “Time to wake up enough to move your legs.

James groaned, but let Colleen lift him to his feet.

“Lemme help you,” said Keith, hopping off the counter and then nearly falling to the floor.

“Why?” asked Colleen, looking annoyed.

“’Cause I strong,” mumbled Keith, holding on to the ledge of the counter.

“Can you even walk yourself to your room or do I need to make two trips?”

“No, no, no,” said Keith, shaking his head vigorously in a way that made him want to be sick. “I can go alone.” Geez, why did he suddenly feel way more drunk after standing up?

You’re drunk, Keith. Go home.

*******

He heard his door slide open, which was strange for this late hour. The crack of light appearing on the floor and stretching open to a rectangle shape with the silhouette of a hunched man. Lance would know that mullet anywhere.

“This isn’t my room,” mumbled Keith.

Lance turned and got up to find Keith holding on to the doorframe like he’d fall if he didn’t. 

“I couldn’t remember which door it was so I been standing in front of doors seeing which would open, but this not my room.”

“Wow. You’re drunk,” said Lance, approaching him.

Keith ignored that statement. He took a long time to travel his eyes up to Lance’s face before saying, “You put me on your door list thass why it opened.”

Lance wasn’t expecting to get called out for that, but yeah he’d added Keith after he’d noticed Keith had him. “I know where your room is,” said Lance, peeling one of Keith’s arms off the doorframe and wrapping it around his neck to support Keith’s weight.

“Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait,” said Keith, urgently.

“What?” asked Lance, concerned.

“Cradle me in your arms,” said Keith with all seriousness.

Lance burst out laughing then had to quiet himself, remembering the other Paladins were asleep in the rooms around them. They were the only ones on the Atlas who got their own rooms. The actual crew had to double or quadrouple up, even the MFE’s had to share a room, but forming Voltron was considered a pretty big deal so their rest got prioritized over others.

“We’re not doing that,” scolded Lance.

“I can’t walk,” whined Keith, going to wrap his other arm around Lance’s neck too, only to have it shoved back off.

“You’re fine. Just move your legs.” Lance tugged and Keith did start putting one noodle leg in front of the other.

“So hard,” moaned Keith. 

“That just sounds dirty,” said Lance, dragging Keith along.

“You’re dirty,” countered Keith.

“Well… let’s not go there,” said Lance, a warning signal flashing in his brain. “Here we are.” The door slid open as they approached.

“My door opens for you,” said Keith, as Lance pulled him over the threshold.

“It also opens for you,” teased Lance.

“I did it so you come visit,” said Keith, “But you never visit.”

“Well, I’m here now,” said Lance, maneuvering Keith to his bed and lowering him down.

“Maybe you here. One time I thought you were, but you weren’t… but then I found out you were… Wait, were you?” Keith looked up at Lance but his eyes had no focus, which was the same as that sentence. Deciding it was best to ignore that nonsense, Lance focused on pulling off Keith’s gloves one at time before moving on to undoing his belt. “You’re undressing me,” said Keith.

“Just so you’re comfortable to sleep,” said Lance.

Carefully he undid the buttons on Keith’s garrison jacket then pulled it open and pushed it down off his shoulders. It happened quickly, his face was already so close to Keith’s, but he’d been focusing on the jacket removing task so he hadn’t noticed Keith lean those last few inches until his lips were already pressed to his.

Lance froze. His brain stopped functioning. When Lance failed to kiss him back, Keith immediately sprung away, almost knocking himself backwards onto the bed, but catching himself with his arm. “Shit, you’re real!” he gasped, eyes wide in horror as he stared at Lance.

“Uh,” said Lance, still not knowing what to do in this situation and feeling further thrown by what Keith had just said. “Well…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” rambled Keith, clearly in distress. “I knew I was going to fuck up like this eventually. I knew I was going to fuck things up for you and Allura and fuck up our friendship and fuck up Voltron’s dynamic because I’m so stupid. I’m so, so stupid, I –”

Lance leaned in and stopped Keith’s rant with a kiss. It was soft, sweet, and tender. Keith immediately relaxed into the kiss and when they broke apart Lance said quietly, “See. I’m not real. You’re dreaming about me, but you need some actual rest now. Time to stop dreaming so you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

Keith nodded, his face attentive and trusting. Lance helped him lower to lying down and watched at Keith closed his eyes and passed out.

Lance let out a shaky breath. He’d acted impulsively there. It wasn’t a moral solution, kissing Keith to calm him down. But he wanted to stop him from spiraling and take away all those worries. Of course that just transferred them to Lance, but he could handle being worried about his relationship with Allura and his relationship with Keith. He worried about those constantly anyway.

When Lance was certain Keith was deeply asleep, he rolled him to his side and propped a pillow behind his back to keep him from rolling onto his back in case he puked. Lance had older siblings and he’d been assistant to enough drunken sneak-ins to know how to care for a drunk person. He pulled off Keith’s boots and lined them up by the side of the bed. He went into Keith’s drawers, knowing like all of them he’d have a stash of recyclable water packs. He paused seeing the bottle of red lube there. This morning he’d been so sure Keith had used it with Shiro or maybe James, but then…

Lance looked over to a sleeping Keith… Would he really kiss Lance tonight if he’d been with someone else last night? He did know he used the lube so what if… what if he’d had a similar experience to Lance and hallucinated him...? Wait… wait… What if…?

No. No, there was too much there to even begin to unpack. Lance located the water packs and tucked one in beside Keith in bed so he’d be sure to find it the moment he woke up. Lance stood up and nearly turned away, but he noticed all of Keith’s far too long to be fashionable hair had fallen across his face. That didn’t look comfortable for breathing. Lance leaned over and pushed Keith’s hair back off his face. He looked so calm. It was nice seeing Keith so calm. Lately he always looked stiff and serious.

Time to leave. Keith was drunk, but not sick so he’d be fine alone. He’d just wake up with a headache. Lance stepped out into the hall and the dimmed lightning. When the door closed he just stood there, hugging himself. He had a justification for what he’d done. Maybe it meant something to Keith, but Keith would only think he dreamt it if he remembered it at all. Lance knew good reasons didn’t erase the betrayal to Allura and he would tell her… one day. Not now. He wouldn’t put that on her now. When the war was over and they were finally solid together then he’d tell her and they could laugh about how it didn’t mean… anything… not really…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say thank you readers who have made it this far!! I would make up these stories in my head regardless, but you are the reason I write shit down.
> 
> xoxoxox BBBK


	9. Clear Day Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do we say? Clear day! Clear day! Clear day!

The headache woke Keith up. He sat up immediately, experiencing a head rush that nearly tipped him right back down. “Lance?” he said, looking around his room to discover it was empty. His last memory from before he passed out was Lance, but then… Had he dreamed that part?

His jacket and gloves were off just like he’d thought Lance had helped him do. Fuck. His head was pounding and he couldn’t think. He needed water. And just like that he found a water pack in his bed beside him. Well, he definitely didn’t do that himself.

Okay, there was one way to know for sure if he’d dreamt Lance or not. Keith took a long drag of water then swung his feet over the side of the bed. Whoa. Dizzy. He stood up. Dizziness worse. Nope. Had to push on.

Keith shuffled out of his room and down the hall. When he came close to Lance’s door, he took a deep breath and stepped forward to stand directly in front of it. Nothing. He waited a beat. No. The door wasn’t opening for him. Which meant he wasn’t on Lance’s list so there was no way he accidentally wandered into his room last night. It was just a dream. That was good, but then… why did he feel so sad?

Keith shuffled back to his room. He swore he could smell Lance in there. Smell those fruity alien skin care products that almost smelt tropical, but just a bit off. Was he imagining that too? Okay, he couldn’t stay here. He need to leave this haunted room . Keith was grabbing his towel to hit the showers when noticed the late hour. He’d slept past breakfast. At least there was no mission that day unless something came around to kill them.

“ATTENTION ATLAS CREW,” boomed Veronica’s voice over the intercom system. “WE WILL BE MAKING AN UNSCHEDULED STOP ON PLANET DRAZAN…”

“Great,” muttered Keith, a mission had found them.

“…TO ACT AS SECURITY FOR THE CELEBRATION OF CLEAR DAY. ALL NON-ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL ARE WELCOME TO JOIN IN ON THE FESTIVITIES.”

Okay… that was unexpected…

********

Lance had to cover his tracks to, you know, protect feelings. First thing in the morning he reprogrammed his door so it wouldn’t open for Keith. That was an easy one. The next thing on his list would be trickier and he’d have to think on it.

While he thought about it Lance grabbed his toothbrush and went to the bathroom. He stopped as soon as he walked in the door, confused by what he saw. James standing at the sink, scowling at himself in the mirror as he vigorously rubbed makeup over top of what looked like a dick drawn on his cheek with permanent marker.

“This is not covering it,” said James. “Am I doing it wrong?”

“No idea,” said Ryan who was standing at the sink beside him, shaving. “Does it look like I wear concealer? My skin is flawless.”

That’s when Lance spotted the makeup bag sitting on the sink, which looked exactly like his sister’s. If that was the case, James was definitely working with the wrong shade.

“Look in the bag,” instructed Lance. “There should be a puffy little purple sponge inside. Use that to apply the concealer then the foundation. You need to use a dabbing motion to blend then set it with a translucent powder. Also, you’re going to want to do your entire face, not just the part with marker or you’re going to look uneven. Be sure to blend in to your neck too.”

“Oh,” said James, turning to look at him. “Thanks. I guess bisexuals know how to use makeup since you dress like a lady sometimes.”

“No, that’s not…,” began Lance, but he was distracted because now that James was facing him, he could see the sloppy writing scrawled on his chin that read, ‘By Colleen.’ Bingo. “I don’t have time to explain. Ryan, you field this one.”

Lance turned to leave, overhearing Ryan say, “You’re thinking of Drag Queens,” when he thought better.

“Then what does bisexual mean again?” asked James.

“Also,” added Lance. “You’re going to end up flattening your complexion if you don’t contour. I’d recommend at least adding a bit of highlight under your eyes.” James just blinked at him. “Okay, too advanced. Never mind.” He had a mission anyway.

As Lance walked out the door he heard James exclaim, “Oh, here’s the sponge. I thought that was Roni’s butt plug. It looks exactly like the one she has.” Ooooookay. Mentally deleting that one.

Lance made his way through the Atlas until he got to the plant nursery. When he walked in an exhausted looking Colleen looked over and said, “Too early for peopling.”

“I’ll make it quick,” said Lance. “Did you get drunk with Griffin and Keith last night?”

“Yep.”

“Can you take credit for helping Keith to bed last night? I’d explain, but there’s a lot of moving parts. It’s just better if he thinks it was someone else.”

“Say no more,” said Colleen with a shrug. “I’m a mom. Lying to people to protect their feelings is half my job.”

“Thank you,” said Lance, grateful. “Also, I enjoyed your artwork.” Colleen looked confused. “… On Griffin’s face.”

Colleen sputtered out a laugh. “I thought I’d dreamt that.”

********

The next little bit was business as usual. Brush those teeth. Eat that breakfast. Look around nervously for Keith the whole time. No sign of him. He didn’t see Allura either so Lance assumed she’d gotten an early start talking to Tavo. Finally an Altean had agreed to help her out. This could be huge for the cause and huge for Allura. It would also be a very, very, very nice distraction for Lance if they got a mission out of this.

“Hey-o,” said Hunk, sitting down across from Lance with his tray. “So, meatloaf for breakfast again.”

“Yeah, can you talk to Sal?” Lance asked. “I love breakfast for dinner, but dinner for breakfast freaks me out.”

“Believe me when I say, I have tried to talk to him.”

In his peripherals Lance saw someone enter the dining hall and turned to see if it was Keith. It wasn’t. “So,” said Lance, turning back to Hunk. “I heard you cracked the key to saving the universe with you baking.”

“Well, I dunno about that,” said Hunk, humble as always. “I just know that if you find the right recipe, something that resonates with the person, you can open them up.”

“So like something truly delicious?” asked Lance.

“Not necessarily. More like something from their past, their childhood, something that tastes like home.”

“Right, like how you used the husks of those ten foot grain stalks you found on the planet that gave Coran seasonal allergies to imitate my abuela’s tamales.”

“Exactly or when I soaked that grain from the Rabolute System to make sushi for Shiro or when I found that ground nut and you helped turn it into a paste so we could bake imitation peanut butter cookies for Pidge.”

“Yeah, she loved those. Still bitter she didn’t share any.”

“Or for Keith when I… Oh wait…” Hunk paushed. “No, I never figured out what to make for Keith.” Lance listened to Hunk, this strange sadness coming over him. “It’s not like he ever talks about his childhood so I never got that one good food story out of him. I dunno. Maybe someday he’ll open up.”

“Yeah…,” muttered Lance as he shoved his meatloaf around with his fork.

“Hey, you two are close,” said Hunk.

“What? Me and Keith? No!” Why did he shout that?

“I meant ‘cause you’re his second in command,” clarified Hunk. Oh shit, was Hunk the only person on the Atlas who didn’t know him and Keith used to date? How did Lance never confide in Hunk? Well, he wasn’t going to do so now. “Has he ever shared some childhood stuff with you? Preferably food related?”

“Not that I can think of,” said Lance though something was tugging at his memory. He pushed that thought away and took a bite of his now cold meatloaf.

*******

Too many things. Lance was thinking about how many things he desperately wanted to not think about as he headed towards Allura’s room. As luck would have it she was coming from the opposite direction, looking exhausted.

“ATTENTION ATLAS CREW,” boomed his sister’s voice over the PA. They both paused their steps to listen. “WE WILL BE MAKING AN UNSCHEDULED STOP ON PLANET DRAZAN TO ACT AS SECURITY FOR THE CELEBRATION OF CLEAR DAY. ALL NON-ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL ARE WELCOME TO JOIN IN ON THE FESTIVITIES.”

That piqued Lance’s interest, but wasn’t as important as how down Allura was looking. “Hey, what happened?” asked Lance, concerned-boyfriend-mode kicking in. “Did Tavo not co-operate?”

“Actually he did,” said Allura, “And we learned the Altean pilots’ situation is far more complicated than we thought.”

They went into Allura’s room to talk it through. Allura had drawn some kind of entity out of Tavo, something that had tried to kill him and then tried to kill her. This seemed to be how Honerva was communicating with her pilots and controlling them. Sam had the creature held in isolation, but they were unsure how to proceed from there.

Lance thought Clear Day would be the perfect way for Allura to ‘clear’ her head. Plus they’d finally get a proper second date, but try as he might, Allura wasn’t interested in going.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna head down to the carnival? I’m pretty sure the Swathian Meerakeet won’t try to eat us.” They were cuddling on Allura’s bed, which was nice. They hadn’t been very touchy feely with each other so far so this felt like a big step. The progress was slow, but it was there.

“I’m sure,” said Allura. “I haven’t been feeling well, especially after what happened to Tavo. I need to rest.”

“Right,” said Lance, disappointed he couldn’t talk her into coming. If that was the case, he didn’t want to leave now that he had her all soft like this. “Well, I could stay here with you, keep you company if you want.”

Allura sat up and looked at him. “Please, go have fun.” Lance tried not to take that as a brush-off. He tried not to… “Maybe you can win me a prize. Something sparkly?”

“Yeah, okay,” said Lance, happy to be tasked with something that he could actually do for her. “Winning prizes is kinda my specialty. I am a sharpshooter, after all.

 

********

Keith felt like crap. Why why WHY whyyyyyy did it have to be Clear Day?

He’d managed to painstakingly change into his armor, which had taken up all the time he’d had before he needed to depart for Drazan. Keith left his room in time to see Lance disappearing down the hall in his own armor. He thought of running after him, of outright asking him if last night was real, but then… Running sounded like the worst thing right now.

“Y’okay hun?” Keith turned to see Colleen beside him, carrying a potted flower.

“Never better,” snorted Keith.

“I thought I’d check on you,” said Colleen. “I definitely let you have too many last night.”

“I’m certain it was more of matter of you pouring me refills, not you letting me have them.”

“Right,” laughed Colleen. “It’s been awhile since I had a proper drinking buddy. I forgot not everyone can handle their booze like Addy could.” Colleen looked down, seeming sad.

“Well, thanks for putting up with me,” said Keith with an awkward chuckle.

“You don’t get it, do you?” said Colleen with a straight face.

“Get what?”

“I’m not putting up with you. I like you, Keith. I enjoy our friendship. You’ve got a lot to offer people. Remember that.”

“Oh,” said Keith, thrown. “I-I will.”

Colleen started to turn, but then remembered something and turned back. “Maybe next time we don’t get drunk so far from the bunks. I pulled a muscle hauling your ass back to your room.”

Keith’s brain got real confused real quick. “I thought you had to walk Griffin back.”

“Him then you. Two trips,” said Colleen, holding up two fingers as she shifted the flowerpot to the one hand.

“I guess I forgot that part,” said Keith, rubbing the back of his neck.

Colleen shrugged. “You heading planet side?”

“That’s what I’m told,” said Keith.

“See you down there,” said Colleen, she turned and walked a few steps to stand in front of Allura’s door. She knocked. Keith decided to take off before he had to see Allura.

So last night was confirmed a dream. That was for the best. So why did he feel so fucking sad?

********

“I want you all to enjoy yourselves today,” said Shiro when they were gathered inside the carnival. “The celebration ends in five vargas. It’s important to remember that while the Atlas patrols the skies, we are the eyes and ears on the ground looking for any suspicious activity. These people are relying on us.”

Fireworks, bright lights, weird smells and sounds. This was the worst fucking place in the universe for Keith to be right now.

“I pulled some strings and go each of you ten complimentary Clear Day tokens,” said Coran, handing them out to Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. “Use them for games, foods, rides.”

“Where’s Allura?” asked Pidge.

“She’s going to stay back and rest,” said Lance. “I just need to find something to bring back for her.”

“That’s nice of you, Lance.” Was it, Pidge? Was it? Or is it just what a good boyfriend does? Ugh, everyone was dumb and annoying today. “I’ll help, too.”

“Me, three,” said Hunk.

Great! Let’s all spend our time trying to make Allura happy. Awesome! “Let’s remember why we came here in the first place,” said Keith. “To provide security for the event.”

Keith got the dirtiest set of looks he’d ever gotten from his friends.

“Right,” said Pidge. “Well, I better go find the arcade and make sure it’s… safe... yeah!” She took off at a run.

“Me too!” said Lance as he ran off after Pidge.

“Me three,” said Hunk, running the opposite way. Okay, were their two arcades or…?

Then it was just Coran, Shiro, and Keith left. “Wait for me,” said Coran, tip toeing off.

Ugh. Keith was going to need to do all the work on his own, wasn’t he?

“Keith, relax. Go have fun,” said Shiro.

“If we’re not here for protection then what are we doing here?” asked Keith, annoyed.

Shiro shrugged. “Morale on the Atlas is low after what happened on Oriande. Who knows? A few hours at the carnival might give us the boost we need.”

Keith sighed and stalked away. Nothing at this carnival could give him the boost he needed. Even if no one else was taking this security detail thing seriously, Keith would go hard with it. He needed the distraction from this pounding headache.

*******

“Look, guys, I just wanna know if you’ve seen anything suspicious,” Keith explained to a couple Drazanites after a full varga of asking everyone he met the same question.

“Well, these is one weirdo who’s going around and bothering people about if they’ve seen anything suspicious,” answered the dark green one.

“Okay, that’s a start.” Finally a lead. “Did you get a good look at…?” Wait… “It’s me isn’t it?”

The two Drazanites started giggling and ran off while Keith wallowed in the hell that was this day.

“Hey-o!” said Hunk, sauntering up. “What ya doing, Keith? Making new friends? Sweet.” Hunk as always, was wearing his rose coloured glasses. “You know, it’s good to see you finally letting your guard down.”

“I wasn’t making friends,” grumbled Keith. 

“Next,” said a slurry voice, grabbing his attention. He looked in front of him to see an Unilu speaking directly to him. “Come on! You’re holding the line up! Let’s go!”

“The line?” questioned Hunk. “Line for what?”

The Unilu pointed and they turned to see a giant line up behind them. Wait… when did Keith get in a line? Ugh, nothing in this place made sense and the lights were burning his eyes.

“Yeah, get out of here!” grumbled someone behind them.

“What’s taking so long? Move!”

So apparently the Unilu pack a lot of strength in those four arms because the next thing Keith knew, him and Hunk we being shoved inside the buggy that looked like some damn alien creature trying to eat them.

“Oh, uh, no, no, you don’t understand,” stuttered Hunk. “I don’t like rides.”

“Then why were you in line?” asked the Ride Operator.

“We didn’t know it was a line!” snapped Keith.

“Likely story. Keep your hands and feet in the mouth at all times. You use ‘em, you lose ‘em. Have a blissfully burrowful time.”

Great now that this was happening. Keith crossed his arms and pouted as the ride rumbled forward and Hunk started letting out nervous whimpers.

It was dark ahead, but then what looked like a giant mouth opened up revealing a dazzling light ahead that promised to melt Keith’s hung over brain. They travelled into the light and when Keith’s eyes finally adjusted… It was worse than he thought.

“We burrow every day. Underground is where we stay. Waiting for the time to say clear day! Clear day!”

Fuck. It was a baby ride with animatronic Drazanites with pick axes, swinging and singing while bright lights swirled around. Keith swore, someone was fucking with him on a cosmic level. His first ever hangover and this is where he ends up.

“What do we say? Clear day! Clear day! Clear day!”

Naturally, because it was lame, Hunk loved it. “This is awesome!” He was laughing and directing the music with his fingers. This honestly couldn’t be over fast enough for Keith.

That’s when the ride broke down. “Huh?”

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” came the Operator’s voice over the PA. “We’ll get this thing up and running in a tick. In the meantime, stay in your burrow buggy. And remember, have a blissfully burrowful time.”

Cosmic. Level. Fuckery.

“What do we say? Clear day! Clear day! Clear day!”

“I gotta get outta here,” sobbed Keith, quietly.

******

Hours passed… Or not. There was no sense of time inside the Burrow ride. Passage was measured in the number of times Keith heard the words “clear day.” One thousand three-hundred sixteen and counting…

Mentally Keith was preparing his last will and testament since he’d accepted that he would die here. He would leave his blade to his mother, the red lube could go to Pidge, and he’d leave his body to Science a.k.a. The Holts. Keith owned no other things.

It didn’t help that Hunk had memorized the words and was singing along. “What do we say? Clear day! Clear day! Clear day!” One thousand three-hundred nineteen and counting…

“Hunk, can you not?” barked Keith, finally.

“Whoa, okay, so like what’s up with you today? Your RBF seems a little more B-ey than usual. No offense.”

“Nothing’s up. I just have a headache,” lied Keith.

“Oh, I guess I won’t sing then.” Hunk fiddled in his seat for a bit. Long enough for Keith to feel like a monster for practically telling Hunk to shut up. I mean, the guy was a living, breathing angel. Keith didn’t have the right to get mad at him. No one did. “So…” began Hunk, still shifting around. “Since we’re alone, maybe I can run something by you… Something that’s been on my mind.”

“What is it, Hunk?” asked Keith, trying to remove the bitchiness from his voice and failing.

“It’s about Allura and Lance.” Oh no. Oh, fuck no. “Well…” Hunk sighed heavily. “Lance crushed on Allura for a long time, like since he first met her, right? And I really encouraged him to go for it with her and I love them both, a lot. It’s just… I dunno something just seems off with them.”

Keith was listening with a mix or horror and desperate interest.

“Okay, so Lance, my best friend, completely awesome. Allura, space princess, kicks ass, also awesome. But then you like put them together and they’re suddenly… not awesome? Do you get it?”

“No.” Yes.

“I’m not saying their relationship is bad or anything. It’s just... I didn’t think they’d be so reclusive together. Like they really only seem interested in each other and that’s fine,” said Hunk defensively. “I think that’s normal for a new couple to be kinda obsessive it’s just… Well, it’s not like they’re obsessively happy. They both kinda just seem stressed all the time. Not to say they’re doing that to each other,” added Hunk quickly. “But… I dunno. I guess I wouldn’t have pushed the two of them together if I’d known this is what they’d be like. Does that sound super judgmental? It is super judgmental, isn’t it? Keith?”

Keith was being put on the spot.

“Can you tell me if I’m being judgmental or not? I’m super stressed about this. Do you or do you not think they’re a good couple? Do you? You do, you think they’re a good couple. Do you?” And this all this time Hunk’s freak out was soundtracked with, “Clear day! Clear day! Clear day!” Maybe that’s why Keith snapped and said what he did next.

“I’m gay and I’m in love with Lance!” Not said… more like screamed. He swore it seemed like the singing puppets stopped for a moment out of pure shock.

“Whoa,” said Hunk. “Whoa wait… whoa.”

“Which is why I don’t have an opinion on Lance and Allura. I’m way too close to the subject so can we drop it?”

“Uh, yeah. Of course,” muttered Hunk. But he couldn’t drop it, could he? “So does Lance…?”

“He knows,” mumbled Keith.

“But he’s not…”

“He is.”

“Then why didn’t you two…?”

“We did.”

“You did? When?”

“Journey home.”

“But then how could you…?”

“Teleporting wolf.”

“Ohhhhh,” said Hunk, tapping his fingers on the safety bar. “That is - That is a lot of new info delivered in so few words.”

Keith had sunk so low in his seat. His face buried in his hands. He didn’t mean to tell Hunk this, but he couldn’t listen to Hunk talk about Lance and Allura.

“Next question,” began Hunk.

“Drop it!” snapped Keith.

“Whoof. Okay,” said Hunk. “Gay Keith is way moodier than Straight Keith.”

Keith maybe smiled. Maybe for half a second. Hunk was a good guy. It was everything else in the universe that Keith hated. “Go back to enjoying your song, Big Guy.”


	10. Clear Day Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidental date?

The game was rigged, this guy was a shyster, but at least Lance had worked out a deal so he could get this one of kind blue lion plushie for Allura and all he had to do was autograph a box full of suspiciously similar blue lion plushies so he could sell them to the highest bidder. Easy peasy. So what if he wouldn’t have time to go on any rides. This was worth it, right? Right?

Lance was in the middle of his name on the very last lion when he felt a tap on his back. He turned around to see a child size Drazanite staring up at him. “Oh, hello,” he said.

“Are you the Blue Paladin?” they asked.

“Um, actually I’m the Red Paladin,” said Lance.

“But you’re wearing Blue,” said the kid. 

“You got me there.”

“Why not red?” asked the kid.

“Funny story. See, when we all switched out Lions because Shiro was missing – well, he was dead actually…” Then seeing the scared look on the kid’s face he added, “But he got over it. It’s fine – anyway Keith switched from Red to Black, but he refused to wear Black armor because he thought it was disrespectful to Shiro. So then if I switched to Red we would’ve been all matchy-matchy so we just kept our original armor and Allura, who is my girlfriend by the way, got pink armor made.”

“That’s confusing.”

“That’s a fair judgment.”

“So you fly Red?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then can you sign my Lion?” asked the kid, pulling a red lion plushie out from behind their back.

“Uhhhh.” Lance really could’ve been done autographing if he just said no. “Sure, why not?” Lance picked up the red lion and starting signing just as three more kids ran up with red lions and stuck them up in the air. “Okay, sure. One at a time. I’ll get to you all.”

Suddenly there was a swarm of kids and not all the lions were red. “What? Green? I never flew green,” he gasped before signing it anyway. “Okay, there is no such thing as the purple lion, but no no no, don’t cry. I’ll sign it.” Lance signed every colour of the rainbow before a kid offered him black. “I always wanted to fly black. Maybe one day.” Lance couldn’t figure out how to sign black with a black mark so he ended up initial the eyes.

“Which Lion do you like better?” asked a kid holding a red lion. “Blue or Red?”

“Well, it’s not about liking one better,” said Lance, blushing for a reason he couldn’t pinpoint. “They’re just different.”

“Will you ever go back?”

“Go back?”

“To Blue so your armor matches?”

“I don’t… I guess anything is possible.”

“Thanks mister!” said the last kid, waving their red lion in the air as they left. 

“Hey,” said the shyster from behind him. “While you were busy giving your autograph away for free, I found another box in the back.”

Lance turned around to see another box of the blue plushies sitting out and the blue lion he was supposed to be bringing back to Allura being held hostage by the guy. “But I already… aw man.” He slumped his shoulders forward.

 

******  
One-thousand six-hundred and twelve ‘clear days’ and counting. Keith realized that earlier when he thought he’d die on this ride, that was optimistic. Dying would mean the singing would end, but the singing. Would. Never. End.

Suddenly there was a jerk as their buggy came back to life. “Looks like everything is in order,” said the Ride Operator over the intercom. We apologize for the delay. Again, have a blissfully burrowful time.”

Keith sighed. “Finally.”

There was a crash as the buggy bolted to a stop again. “Clear day! Clear day! Clear day!”

“That’s it!” cried Keith, activating his bayard and slashing through the safety bar. “I’m getting out of here. You coming?” Keith leapt out of the buggy.

“Can we come back when the ride gets fixed? I wanna see how it ends,” whined Hunk. “Aw man. Alright, wait up!”

Keith hacked and slashed his way until he in open air. The carnival lights seemed so bright compared to the dark hell that was the Burrow Ride.

“Oh, where are we?” asked Hunk.

********

“Hey, did you hear? One of those Paladin guys went crazy on the Burrow Ride and slashed it up with a sword?”

“What kinda of psycho slashes up a kid’s ride?”

Lance was only listening in on the conversation happening nearby otherwise he would’ve told them exactly which psycho would do that. Lance chuckled to himself as he signed the blue lion in his hand. Sounded like Keith wasn’t having the best time at Clear Day.

“And that’s the last one,” said Lance, dropping the lion into the box.

“Here you go,” said the Unilu, handing over the plushie he was going to give to Allura.

“Nice, plushie,” said Coran, walking up with Keith and Hunk and also a giant trophy.

“Nice trophy!” exclaimed Lance.

“Look what I got for Allura,” said Pidge, scampering up with a light up hardhat on her head. “I bet she’s really gonna dig it.” Oh wow, Pidge had gotten Allura something actually sparkly. He probably should’ve done that…

“Hey, where’s Shiro?” asked Keith.

“Hey, Kogane!” they turned to see James and the MFEs walking together. “Shiro’s in the arm wrestling finals.”

“Arm wrestling finals?” Keith muttered to himself. 

“We’re all gonna go watch,” said Veronica, tugging Acxa along by the hand. “You coming, bro?”

“Oh, hell yeah!” said Lance.

“I should do a perimeter check,” said Keith, turning to the go the opposite way.

“Oh, no you don’t,” said Hunk, throwing out an arm to block Keith.

“We’re all going,” said Pidge, grabbing Keith by he arm.

“Yeah, we gotta make this a Paladin hangout,” said Lance, taking over pushing Keith from behind.

“Bet I could pull us some strings and get us some preferred seating,” said Coran, twisting his mustache as he marched ahead. “I am the Top Yalmor Squoozler after all.”

********

“That was actually fun,” said Keith as the four of them walked out of the tent where they’d just watched Shiro take the championship. Shiro and Coran had stayed behind to sign autographs so it was just the Paladins. 

“I love how Keith’s default is to assume he’ll hate everything so he’s always so surprised when something doesn’t suck,” said Hunk with a chuckle.

Keith scowled.

“Oh no, I brought him down again,” fretted Hunk. “I forgot how moody Gay Keith is.”

Lance raised his eyebrows at this. Okay, so maybe Hunk did know some things. Keith looked caught. Pidge burst out laughing.

“Shoot. Pidge is here too, isn’t she?” said Hunk. “Wow, Keith. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to out you.”

With a grin Pidge said, “I’m so fucking glad it’s out in the open and we all know now.”

“Well,” said Hunk, “I maybe know a bit more than you.” Lance didn’t like how Hunk’s eyes shifted to Lance.

“Oh, you better believe I already know,” said Pidge. “I know things that could blow your mind.”

“Okay, let’s keep mind blowing things to ourselves,” said Keith, bright red in the face.

“They’re only mind blowing if you share them though,” countered Pidge. “You and I had an agreement and until I see ink on page, the safe status of your ‘things’ is pending.”

“You’ll get your pages,” hissed Keith.

Lance was so fucking confused. “You guys are just talking about the fact that Keith and I dated, right? We don’t really need to be hush-hush about it anymore.”

“Sure,” said Pidge, leaning back casually. “That’s what we’re talking about.” Yet she never broke eye contact with Keith.

“Popcorn,” said Hunk, sticking the bag between those two and giving it a shake. “It’s actually close to Earth popcorn. Artificial butter but that’s typical of most movie popcorn anyway”

“Sure,” said Pidge, dropping the tension to grab a handful. Hunk seemed to be right about the whole power of food thing.

“Keith?” said Hunk, shaking the bag in front of the guy’s face.

“No thanks,” said Keith.

“Aw, come on. Take a handful. Doesn’t the smell take you back? Remind you of your childhood?”

“I never liked popcorn,” said Keith, shoving the bag away.

Hunk gave Lance ‘help me’ eyes. “Who doesn’t like popcorn?” asked Lance.

“People who hate getting the kernels stuck between their teeth,” said Keith.

“Hey!” Lance nearly jumped as someone grabbed his arm. Luckily it was his sister and not something trying to kill them. “C’mon! I wanna ride the ferris wheel before the carnival closes.”

“No way, there’s a ferris wheel?” gasped Lance. “That sounds awesome!”

“Yeah, totally!” agreed Pidge.

“Let’s go then,” said Colleen, swooping in and grabbing her daughter’s arm.

“What? No! I am not going to be seen riding with my mommy.”

“You owe for not smiling in the family photo, Katie. Let’s go. March!” Colleen dragged a limp and groaning Pidge along.

“We’re going first!” cried Veronica, yanking Lance so hard he had to start running to keep up with her.

“You boys coming?” Lance heard Colleen ask.

*******

“No rocking, no standing! Keep your arms and legs inside the cab! Two to a cab! No single riders! Single riders will be paired!” yelled the Unilu ride operator.

Lance and Veronica had missed this round on the ferris wheel, but they were the first in line to get on it when it stopped. Which meant the ride operator was yelling right in their faces. “I repeat! Single riders will be paired!”

“But I don’t like rides, Hunk!” Lance recognized Keith’s voice and turned to see Hunk drag him to the back of the line.

“You owe me from before when you hulked out and broke the Burrow Ride.”

“That ride was already broken.”

“Oh yeah? And the hole in the side of it? That was there too.”

“…Fair point…” 

Lance was turning back around when his eye caught Colleen’s who was standing right behind him. She gave him a queer look then suddenly put her hand up to her forehead and leaned into her daughter.

“Oh dear, I’m having a hot flash,” said Colleen, dramatically.

“Gross, woman!” said Pidge, trying to push her mother off of her.

“Excuse me?” barked Colleen.

“I mean - Gross, Colleen.”

“One more chance,” she warned.

“Gross, mom,” said Pidge, stretching out the word ‘mom.’

“Katie, walk me over to the bench,” said Colleen, apparently letting the word ‘gross’ slide.

“What?! We’ll lose our place in line!” whined Pidge.

“Now, Katie!” said Colleen in what could only be described as a ‘demon voice.’

Pidge rolled her eyes while taking her mom by the arm and leading her out of line.

“Oh,” said Veronica suddenly, her eyes shifting around. “I am also having a woman issue and need to leave suddenly.”

“Is it that time of the month?” asked Lance. “Do you need a tampon or some painkillers? I have both on me.”

“No, I’m not – wait… you carry around tampons?”

“Sure. We have people who menstruate on our team who might need them. Well, just Pidge. Allura’s never asked so I don’t know what the whole Altean deal is…”

“Fascinating,” said Veronica, giving his arms a squeeze. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got it covered. Enjoy the ride.”

Veronica skipped off as the ride operator yelled right at him, “No single riders!”

“Okay, I get it,” muttered Lance. “Partner up.” He looked behind him to see who was around, but the next people behind him were James, Ryan, Ina, and Nadia.

James met his eye then shifted his gaze away, turning to his friends. “You know,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I… also… have a reason to leave suddenly.”

“What?” asked Nadia. “What are you talking about?”

“The reason being…,” said James, trailing off.

It was Ryan who picked it up. “You left the engine running in your MFE, you’re out past curfew, you just spotted someone you haven’t seen in years…” Ryan was counting these off on his fingers as he spoke the most words Lance had ever heard him say. “…You just remembered your father was killed by a ferris wheel, you –”

“Yes, those four things,” said James, cutting Ryan off. “Those things are why the four of us have to go now.” He was already walking out of line with Ryan following him.

“What?!” gasped Nadia, “But we’re almost at the front of the line!”

“Nadia,” said Ina, “I believe you just missed a social cue. We’re expected to follow them.”

“Aw man!” grumbled Nadia, stalking off after Ryan and James with Ina on her heels.

“That was weird,” mumbled Lance. Seemed like they were making excuses to go after Colleen and Veronica had already left for real lady reasons. With all of them gone it was just Hunk and Keith that were behind him now, but they hadn’t moved up.

“I also just remembered something,” said Hunk, twiddling this thumbs.

“Did a ferris wheel kill your father too?” asked Keith.

“No, I remembered that rides make me puke.”

“You didn’t puke on the Burrow Ride,” argued Keith.

“That was a straight ahead ride. It’s spinney rides that make me puke.” Hunk was already jogging off as he spoke. “Go ahead and enjoy the ride without me.”

Keith’s eyes traveled over the six empty feet between him and Lance then he turned to look behind him and found no one in line there either. “Where’d the line go?” he asked.

“Next up, let’s go!” called the ride operator. “No, holding up the line!”

“What line?” asked Lance. He did what he was told and went to sit in the cab’s seat.

“You too, let’s go,” said the operator, speaking to Keith.

“I’ll wait for the next one,” said Keith, looking uncomfortable.

“No, single riders!” said the operator, grabbing Keith and flinging him into the seat beside Lance.

“But there’s no one else in line!” snapped Keith, “What does it matter?”

“You really trying to avoid me that hard?” asked Lance because yeah, maybe he was semi-avoiding Keith too, but whenever he found out Keith was avoiding him, it made Lance want to call the avoidance off.

“I’m not,” said Keith, “I just didn’t want to go on this dumb ride in the first place.”

The ride operator slammed the bar down. “Stayed seated at all times. Arms and legs must remain inside the cab.”

Keith sighed, slumping down. “Why does this keep happening today?”

Okay, maybe this wasn’t exactly about Lance.

The ride operator flipped the switch and the wheel started to spin, their cab rising up.

“Whoa,” said Keith, sitting straight up. “What’s happening?”

“The ride started,” said Lance.

“No, this thing…” Keith was pulling at the safety bar, which moved up an inch before jamming. Keith rattled it up and down. “It’s not locked in place!”

“It is, it’s just has some give,” said Lance.

“Why are we rocking,” said Keith as they rose a quarter of the way up the wheel. “This cab is broken.”

“It’s supposed to move a little, that’s normal,” said Lance. “Haven’t you ever been on a ferris wheel before?”

“This is only the second ride I’ve ever been on,” said Keith, anxiety in his voice.

“How have you never been on a ferris wheel before? Did you never go to a carnival as a kid?”

“No, no one ever took me!”

“Aw, now you made it foster kid sad again,” sighed Lance.

“What’s happening now?” cried Keith as the cab swept up to the pinnacle of the wheel.

“We’re just at the top,” said Lance, now concerned that Keith was actually scared and not just being weird.

“No, no nonono,” gasped Keith as they passed over the top and swooped downwards.

“It’s okay,” said Lance, trying to sooth Keith. “You’re perfectly safe.”

“I am not! This thing is a death trap!”

“It’s a ride built for children,” said Lance.

They were coming around the bottom and suddenly Keith stood up and started waving frantically at the ride operator. “Let me out!”

“Arms and legs inside the cab!” The guy shouted back. “No standing!”

“You’re not listening! I want off!” yelled Keith and Lance pulled him back down to sitting.

“Sorry!” the guy called back. “Not until it’s done! Gotta think of the other riders!”

“What other riders?” yelled Keith. “We’re the only ones on this – ahhh!” They were swooping up again and Keith became too overwhelmed to keep shouting at the guy. “I hate this,” mumbled Keith, turning into Lance’s shoulder and nestling there.

“Oh… okay,” said Lance, surprised by the sudden physical contact with Keith. “There, there,” he said, patting Keith lightly on the shoulder.

“Tell me when we’re at the top,” said Keith.

“Okay we’re just about –”

“No, no, don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know!”

“Keith, you are a Paladin of Voltron, I have seen you drive a motorbike off a cliff while I was on it, I know you’re not afraid of heights so what is going on?”

But Keith didn’t answer, just let out a whimper and sunk lower, leaning into Lance’s chest.

Lance heard a whistle from below and looked to see Veronica and Colleen sitting on a bench with James leaning on the back of it. They were passing around a vape and watching the wheel. When they spotted Lance looking they all gave him a wave.

“This isn’t funny!” snapped Lance.

Keith sunk down lower with a groan and oh no… now his head was in Lance’s lap. “Don’t do that,” mumbled Lance. “That looks really bad.”

“Woo!” came Pidge’s voice from down below. “Suck that D!”

“Katie!” barked Colleen.

Lance looked over the side to see Pidge and Hunk standing together and looking up at them, grinning. “It’s not like that!” Lance shouted down at them. “He’s scared!”

“If he’s scared, better remind him not to bite,” yelled Pidge.

What…?! Did she just…?!

“That’s it, young lady,” said Colleen, standing up and marching over to her daughter. “You’re grounded again!”

“Aw c’mon!” groaned Pidge as she was dragged away.

Lance tried to shake off his blush and stop paying attention to the gawkers below. Part of him wanted to argue with Keith for how he was reacting. It was just a dumb kid’s ride, but then… Like all of them, Keith had PTSD, and what the trigger was didn’t matter. This panic attack was very real to Keith and he knew how to help him through it.

*

That motion.

The feeling of the cab rocking it felt so much like…

He could see the view through the cruiser windshield, the Galra ship’s shield drawing ever closer, his hand pushing the accelerator as hard as possible…

“Keith?”

*

“Keith? Keith?” said Lance, rubbing his back, trying to get his focus. “Tell me, how many pieces are there to your Paladin armor?”

“Eleven,” answered Keith, automatically, his voice croaky.

“Oh wow, you knew that. I thought you’d have to count. Okay, new task.” Lance took Keith’s hand and placed it on top of the safety bar, holding it in place with his own.

“Describe the bar to me.”

“Rickety, busted, unsafe -”

“Concentrate on how it feels physically, not your impression of it,” scolded Lance. The cab had swung down to the bottom again, but thankfully this time no one was jeering at them. Anyway, Lance wasn’t paying attention to the people on the ground anymore.

Lance used his hand on Keith’s to run it up and down the bar.

“Smooth,” said Keith. 

“Perfectly?”

“No, it’s dented.”

“How does it feel when you squeeze it?” asked Lance.

“A bit slippery, but solid,” said Keith. He’d sat up a bit, but was keeping his eyes closed.

“What does it smell like?” asked Lance.

“I’m not smelling the bar, Lance!” The annoyance in Keith’s voice was a good thing. His emotional state had shifted.

“Would you lick it?”

“Lance!”

“Not even for five bucks?”

“Lance…”

The ride slowed to a stop right as they reached the pinnacle. The cab kept swinging when the rotation stopped causing Keith to grab hold of Lance again.

“What’s happening?” he demanded, his eyes still squeezed shut.

“We stopped.”

“Why?”

“I think the guy went on break,” said Lance, peering over the side. “He’s vaping with my sister.”

“No, he can’t! We have to get off!”

“New question! If you won’t smell the bar, what do you smell?” asked Lance. “What’s the air smell like?”

“I swear if you farted…”

Lance laughed. “Not this time. Promise.”

Lance’s eyes travelled the slender curve of Keith’s neck as he watched him tip up his head and sniff the air. “Motor oil,” he said.

“What else?” pressed Lance.

“Food.”

“What kind?”

“Alien.”

“Describe it.”

“Sweet,” said Keith. “A bit spicy, but not a spice I know.”

“What about sounds?” asked Lance.

“There’s a lot,” said Keith.

“What can you pick out?”

“Annoying carnival music. Kids laughing…”

“Here’s the big test,” said Lance. “What do you see?”

“I can’t –” began Keith.

“Keith, it’s okay,” said Lance, giving Keith’s shoulder a squeeze. “You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, right?”

Keith took in and released a big, trembling breath. “Okay.”

“Remember, only focus on what you see.”

Keith opened his eyes and… “Oh. You can see everything.”

“Yeah,” said Lance, keeping his eyes on Keith’s profile.

“It’s kinda pretty,” said Keith. 

“Sure is.” Lance watched the tension melt from Keith’s face. Seeing him calm again allowed Lance to relax. That’s when he became aware that his arm was still around Keith and had to do the reverse date move where he pretended to yawn and stretch so he could remove his arm.

Because this wasn’t a date…

They never went on a date…

He remembered wishing they could go back to the Garrison days. Wished he would’ve asked Keith out then and could’ve taken him on a real date… To a carnival maybe, seeing as Keith had never been before… but that was all… just…

…fantasy…

…and the reality was…

This could’ve been a date with Allura. Their second date, but she said no… because…

Because… Romelle wasn’t there to convince her to say yes like the first time. 

Allura had said no to their first date…

“Looks like the carnival is shutting down,” said Keith, bringing Lance back to the present moment. Down below the lights were flipping off across the carnival like a black wave moving towards them.

“It’s kinda sad,” said Lance, suddenly frowning.

“What is?” asked Keith.

“It’s just one day a year. They only get one day a year to come out of their burrows and be happy. How do they survive waiting that long?”

“I guess some people are better at living off tiny bits of happiness,” said Keith. Lance turned his head to look at him. “No matter how long they have to wait.”

Lance felt sad. He was familiar with the feeling. He was mostly sad when he wasn’t feeling scared or guilty… Sad had become home for him, but he didn’t want to feel this way.

Allura didn’t want a second date…

Allura never wanted a first date…

There it was. That big, scary, sad thought that Lance had been avoiding thinking of for the past seven weeks. The one that kept running along under the surface, trying to get his attention, but he refused to look directly at it. Well, he was looking at it now. On top of this alien world, with Keith sitting silently beside him, Lance looked directly at the thought and it damn near broke his heart.

Allura didn’t want this and… as time wore on, Lance was coming to grips with the idea that he didn’t want this either.

He cared about Allura. He cared about her so deeply and he’d imagined for so long exactly what being with her would be like. But it wasn’t anything like he’d imagined. He could accept the difference between the fantasy and the reality, but what he could not accept was the difference in feeling.

Lance wanted to be in love, but…

He

Just

Felt

Sad.

Tears pricked at his eyes. Lance was just out there, in the open, bare-faced, his inner anguish all over him. And he felt it when Keith turned to look at him, but he didn’t want to be asked what was wrong and he didn’t want to be comforted. He just needed to follow this thought process, go down this hole and just… bleed…

Keith looked away again, a blessing. Let Lance be alone in his grief as he came to realize that likely Allura loved him… but not how he wanted. They were such good friends and they’d been through hell together and maybe she felt like she was doing him a favour, indulging him like this, letting him be in love with her, but it…

Lance choked. Choked on the feeling and felt angry at himself for not even being able to cry silently.

That’s when he felt fingertips poking at his, proding away until Lance let them slide between his own fingers. Keith wasn’t looking at him, but he held his hand. This small gesture, as if to say that he was there for him. He would share in his moment of utter despair that somehow felt shittier than all the other shitty moments over the past year and a half.

Even the good things weren’t good.

Even the good things were a lie.

A lie fabricated to sooth Lance into feeling wanted, but it wasn’t working. He didn’t want placation. He wanted to be in love.

She never said it back…

She didn’t even say yes to the date…

And if Lance was being really honest, really brutally damn honest with himself, he couldn’t even blame Allura for going through the motions because he couldn’t be sure how much of his own heart was in it. He wanted to go all in, no holding back this time, but when you have to push yourself like that, it’s not real.

Maybe Allura only put one foot into this relationship, but the truth was Lance wasn’t sure he’d put more than a foot in too and this emotional hokey pokey they were playing, it had to stop sometime.

‘I know what my hallucination meant now, Veronica,’ Lance thought to himself. ‘It wasn’t the sex that I was craving. It was Keith telling me he loved me, telling me I was brave… It was the intimacy of it, being close to someone in a way that makes me feel safe and desired. I want that kind of relationship and I need to ask Allura if that’s something she ever thinks we’ll have.’

It wasn’t about Keith verses Allura. It was about what his relationship with Keith had taught him was possible, what he knew he truly wanted. The brave part would come next. The brave part would be asking Allura if she wanted that too.

The cab rocked as the ferris wheel started again. Keith’s hand gripped tighter with the motion. “What is that?” he gasped.

“We’re just heading down,” said Lance, wiping his eyes with the back of his gloves. How was it possible that both him and Keith had cried on this ferris wheel in under five minutes? Gives new meaning to the expression, ‘What a ride!”

Lance wasn’t sure anymore who was holding whose hand, but when they’d safely reached the platform, they released at the same time. Keith took a moment to tell off the ride operator for going on break because he’d apparently forgotten they were even up there. They were lucky he hadn’t closed down the ride and left. 

Lance waited for him at ground level and when Keith finally joined him he was surprised when a smiling Keith said, “That was fun!”

“Fun? You completely freaked out!” barked Lance.

“I don’t think so,” said Keith, strolling ahead of him.

“You were trembling like a leaf! I had to cradle you in my arms!”

Keith turned around and with the biggest grin said, “Nope. Don’t remember. Didn’t happen.”

“Keith!” shrieked Lance.

Keith turned and with a laugh, took off at a run.

“Come back and admit you’re afraid of ferris wheels!” Lance called after him. That was useless so instead he ran after him.

Keith sprinted his way back to the lions, weaving through closing stalls and games, cackling with laughter as Lance failed to catch up to him. Maybe Keith’s laugh was infectious. Maybe that’s why Lance felt his mood lift. Why after so many weeks of feeling this weight on his chest, he felt lighter.


	11. Clear Day Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have tissues ready.

They were almost back to the Lions when Lance managed to catch up to Keith, was just about to pass him when ZAP! Kosmo appeared out of thin air right in Lance’s path. He collided with the cosmic wolf and fell back onto his butt. Kosmo seemed completely unaffected by having Lance’s full body weight slam into him.

“Hey no fair!” said Lance, picking himself back up from the ground. “Using your wolf as a road block is cheating.”

“Hey boy,” said Keith with a cutesy-talking-to-animal voice. “Where have you been? I missed you.” Keith wrapped his arms around Kosmo’s neck and gave him scratches.

“Oh yeah,” said Lance, walking over to pet Kosmo. “I noticed he hasn’t been around.”

“He hates the Atlas,” said Keith. “Too many people. I can relate.”

“You two really found each other,” said Lance. “Couple a’ lone wolves.”

“Lately he’s been zapping off for days at a time,” said Keith. “Pidge has tested his fur and found trace amounts of minerals from all over the universe. Some she swears don’t even exist. He’s really coming into his powers.”

Lance liked listening to Keith talk about something he was excited about. Kosmo nuzzled Lance prompting him to throw his arms around the wolf’s neck. “I know you love me more than him,” said Lance in his baby-talk voice. “He doesn’t have any fun stuff for you to chew in his room, but you can come to mine and chew whatever you like.”

“Hey Lance,” said Keith with a tone that was suddenly serious and Lance wondered if he was going to get possessive of his fur baby and tell him to back off, but then the rest came out disjointed. “Did I… see you last night?”

Lance felt caught and he was glad he could hide his face by looking at Kosmo. “Last night? No.” Is this what a normal human voice sounds like when it’s telling the truth? Or was his pitch way too high? “I haven’t seen you since we left Earth, er, I mean except for on missions and passing in the hallway and the shower yesterday and that one time we agreed not to talk about.” Lance cleared his throat right after. Suddenly the image of Keith and the two ice packs entered his mind.

“Oh okay,” said Keith. “I think maybe I dreamt I saw you and you helped me get to bed when I was drunk.”

“Keith Kogane,” said Lance with a sly smile, pretending this was new information. “What exactly were you doing getting drunk last night?”

Keith laughed. “It was kinda an accident. I had a few drinks with James then a few drinks more with Colleen.”

“I had no idea you were friends with either of those people,” said Lance. So maybe how James acted in the shower was a red herring and they were sleeping together... He did invite Keith to watch the arm wrestling match.

“Well, the guy I used to hang out with hasn’t been around much lately,” said Keith with a shrug.

“Yeah, I noticed you weren’t spending as much time with Shiro,” said Lance.

“I meant you, but yeah, not Shiro either,” said Keith, a little bitterness in his voice that made Lance feel guilty.

“Well, it’s nice that you’re making new friends,” said Lance. “I’m happy for you and James.”

“Happy for me and James?” questioned Keith.

“Yeah, he’s good looking,” said Lance.

“He is?”

“How do you not see that?”

Keith and Lance stared at each other until Lance broke and said, “So I take it you’re not dating James.”

“No, but I can set you up seeing as you’re into him.”

“I’m still dating Allura. Thought you knew.”

“Right,” said Keith, he looked over to the Lions. Green and Yellow were gone. Just Red and Black were left. “Well, I guess we should be getting b -”

“Do you wanna hangout right now?” Lance blurted out. 

“Uh…”

“Have you eaten anything today?” asked Lance, talking too quickly for Keith to answer him. “You should eat something. I have snacks inside Red if you want.”

“I guess… I could eat,” said Keith, rubbing his neck.

********

What was he doing? What was Lance doing?

Lance marched into Red’s cargo hold and tossed the blue lion plushie on his bed then went about throwing things around so he could find what he was looking for.

People would be arriving back on the Atlas by now. Allura would start to wonder where he was … or would she even? He knew he was really just avoiding the conversation he’d have to have when he saw her again. This was just a delay tactic…

Having had a scheduled launch date meant Lance had had the luxury of actually packing for this space journey so he’d packed as many snacks as he could trade for down at the market and stashed them in Red just in case they had to live in their Lions for an extended period of time again. For those few days they did live in the Lions, Lance had managed to make a mess, but he did find the box he was looking for, which was good because Hunk had asked for a very specific favour and Lance suspected he could in fact deliver.

Lance found Keith up on top of Red’s head because of course. He had Kosmo by his side and he was just gazing out at the horizon. Drazanites are nocturnal which meant Clear Day was during their “day” which was actually at what humans would consider night, but happened to correspond with Atlas’s “day.” It was all confusing, but what it meant now is that the festival lights were off and the sky was dark except for a tiny bit of light on the horizon promising a sunrise soon. Keith looked so peaceful, he almost felt bad grabbing his attention, but at the same time he really wanted to join him.

*****

“Hey,” said Lance, climbing up to sit by Keith. Keith looked over, half-expecting to see Lance in pots and pans, but he was still in his paladin armor, but holding a couple little packages. Keith was expecting alien food, protein chips or something just as nasty, but that looked like Earth food.

“Here,” said Lance, tossing one to Keith. He caught it in his hands without looking. Kosmo whimpered. “Sorry, Kos. If I knew what your diet was and didn’t fear this would poison you, I would’ve brought you one.”

Keith opened up his palms to see what Lance had tossed him. “Oh,” said Keith, reacting to the familiar sight of a Hunny Bun snack cake. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” said Lance, already chewing on his.

The familiar cinnamon smell hit Keith’s nose. “They changed the packaging,” he commented as he opened his up.

“You’ve had these before?” asked Lance.

Keith bobbed his head yes as he bit into the sweet dough, the sugar and cinnamon glaze melting against his tongue just like he remembered. “My dad used to buy them when…” Keith trailed off. In his mind he watched that beer glass slide over the stacked shot glasses. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share, he was just too much in the habit of not and he didn’t know how to keep talking at this point.

He could feel Lance’s eyes on him, watching him expectantly. Soon Lance would begin the usual spiel he’d hear from him or Hunk or Pidge. ‘We’re you’re friends, Keith. You can trust us and open up.’ And he knew that would just make it harder for him to continue because then he’d feel embarrassed for not being able to talk about his childhood without feeling hurt and ashamed. 

“I know I don’t talk about my childhood much,” said Lance. Wait… Lance doesn’t talk about his childhood?

“What do you mean?” asked Keith, “You talk about yourself all the time.”

Lance let out a weird chuckle that sounded tainted with sadness. “That’s true, but I only ever talk about what looks good on paper.” Keith watched Lance quietly as Lance gathered his thoughts. “I was born in Cuba. My parents like to say I was a surprise, but I considering they could barely afford the four kids they already had, I believe that was just a nice way to say mistake. We lived in a tiny house near the beach and there was a lot I loved there like surfing and the beautiful weather, but there was hard stuff too. My dad kept getting laid off and my mom struggled to work part time and take care of five kids. All five of us shared a bedroom and at night I could hear them talking through the wall. My parents weren’t the type to argue, but they would worry a lot. Always about money.

“We ended up moving to the states when my aunt, my mom’s sister, grew too sick to run her farm. We took over, my parents wanting to build a new life for us. The farm meant more bedrooms and lots of land to roam but… I hated it. I missed the beach. My parents put us in school and I struggled. My mom had always spoken English at home to us, but I preferred Spanish and I was the baby so no one ever made me do anything I didn’t want to do. The problem was I couldn’t pick up English in school like other English as a Second language kids.”

“But your English now…,” began Keith.

“Is flawless. I know,” agreed Lance. “Wanna know how I learned? I used to watch TV non-stop with the Spanish subtitles on. That’s how I taught myself English.”

“No wonder you’re so obsessed with TV and movies,” said Keith.

“Yeah,” said Lance quietly. Apparently he wasn’t done as he then continued. “We didn’t really know how to run a successful farm. My mom hadn’t lived there since she was a kid herself and when we moved in it had been deteriorating for so long. We didn’t yield a crop for years, which meant during that time we were literally dirty poor. I wore clothes that were hand me downs that went through four older siblings after being purchased at a thrift store. We went to the food bank to eat. Food is a big part of my culture and so that was the hardest part, not being able to make our family recipes.

“I tried not to be resentful. I tried to be grateful for the things I had… My family, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food enough in my tummy, but…”

“But when you only have a little you’re pressured to grateful for the things everyone else takes from granted,” said Keith, having shared this same thought the night before.

Lance nodded. “Our farm was close enough to the Garrison which meant the fighter pilots used to run training drills in the skies above our property. I remember spending hours lying on my back in the field watching those jets and daydreaming that I was the pilot and I had the power to just fly away… Fly away from all of it.

Keith felt his breath catch. He hadn’t known.

“Veronica was the middle child, but brilliant. She analyzed weather patterns and designed a crop rotation that helped get us in the black. Her attitude was always ‘Don’t worry. I’ll get us out of this.’ Meanwhile I was secretly dreaming about just getting out,” confessed Lance. “It was a given that she would go to a private school and the Garrison was the closet. She got a full scholarship. I wanted to go to the Garrison because that’s where you could become a fighter pilot.” Lance paused. “It took me four tries to pass the entrance exam. There was no scholarship for me. My family had to take out a new loan… More money…

“Then when I was in school I wasn’t even good enough for the fighter pilot class… I was a cargo pilot until you dropped out.”

“Lance, I’m sorry. I -”

“That’s not...” Lance waved his hand. “Don’t apologize. What I really wanted to say with this story is that when I defended you to James it wasn’t some selfless kind act. It was because I was scared. Scared that if he found out where I was from he’d pick on me too. I was being selfish. As usual.” Lance propped his head on his knee as he looked out at the horizon.

“You’re not selfish,” said Keith. “You’re so thoughtful and giving. That’s why…” I’m in love with you… “Why Allura chose you.”

“Right,” mumbled Lance.

Lance seemed so low, but Keith appreciated him opening up to him so much. There was really only one way to repay him. Mentally Keith removed the beer glass barrier. “My dad was a firefighter,” said Keith. He watched as Lance perked up with curiosity. “That meant his shifts could last all day and night. Some times longer. We didn’t have money for a sitter, not one that would take me over night and it’s not like anyone would come out to the sticks anyway so a lot of the time my dad would just trust me to take care of myself.”

“Ah, so before you were a foster kid you were a latch key kid,” said Lance with a knowing smile. Keith was actually grateful Lance was bringing some humour into this rather than feeling shocked or sorry for him.

“And before I was a latch key kid I was a bastard,” said Keith.

This took Lance by surprise and he laughed with his last bite of Hunny Bun in his mouth, causing it to sputter out.

“When my pop would work those long shifts he always felt bad for leaving me alone for so long so on his way back he’d pick up a box of Hunny Buns and we would eat the whole thing in one sitting. They were his favourite, not mine, but I told them they were my favourite because I liked seeing him happy.” Keith fell silent.

Lance was still captive, waiting to here if there was more. Fuck, there was more, but Keith had gather strength to tell it…

“Then one time he didn’t come back… I waited all night and all day for him… and then another night… When the sun rose I walked to town across the dessert by myself. It took hours and left me exhausted and dusty and thirsty. I made it to the fire station and when the Chief saw me… he looked like he’d seen a ghost. Finally he told me he’d been calling around town, trying to figure out who was watching me – no on was watching me – because my dad…”

Keith stopped, the words wouldn’t come out, but tears would. It was an old story buried in some deep wounds. Kosmo nuzzled himself against Keith, sensing he needed the comfort.

“I’m sorry,” said Lance, his voice barely a whisper.

“So no Hunny Buns that day,” said Keith, pushing through the pain. “I didn’t eat them for years. The smell made me want to choke. But when I got to the Garrison I saw they had them in the vending machines in the barrack common room. I tried one and the taste reminded me of him, of the feeling of being with my dad. So I made it a tradition to eat one on his birthday in his memory.” He’d gotten through it. He’d said it all. “Kind of a conincidence you’d bring this exact snack cake to space.”

“Coincidences aren’t real,” said Lance, softly. Keith was about to ask him what he meant when he added, “I saw you eat one once at the Garrison. And like the obsessive stalker that I am I made a mental note of it. I brought a box along on this trip thinking I could offer you a snack that’s better than protein chips. Something you actually like. I had no clue there was a loaded story attached to them but… I’m really glad you shared that with me. Thank you.”

Keith didn’t know what to say.

“At the Garrison you were so…,” said Lance, trailing off. “I knew you’d endured so much worse than me, but you were so good at everything. I just wanted to be you… or be with you. I’m not sure. I conflated the two clearly.”

“I wish… I wish I hadn’t been so wrapped up in myself back then,” confessed Keith. “I wish I spoken to you.”

“I wish you had too,” said Lance, quickly. “That would’ve meant the world to me.”

Keith blinked, surprised his presence could have that kind of meaning to anyone.

“Maybe it’s dumb and I should let it go,” said Lance. “Wishing I could’ve taken you on a date back then. Maybe this is a sad substitute.”

“What do you mean?” asked Keith.

Lance blushed. Keith recognized that look as Lance had said thoughts out loud that he’d wanted to keep private. “Like I said, dumb, but today was a bit like a date with the arm wrestling being a show and the ferris wheel being an activity and this being a meal and beyond all the crying it was fun and… fuck – I – I don’t know what I’m saying. Of course it isn’t a date and it’s not even a good one so forget –”

“I think it’s a great date,” said Keith. “If it were one.”

“Really?” asked Lance, surprised.

“Yeah, I mean. I’m not one to judge.” Keith hugged his knees and looked out at the bright horizon. Quietly he said, “No one’s ever taken me on a date before.”

Even if it wasn’t a real date… It was a nice. Keith wished it could end in typical date fashion with a kiss… like the one he dreamed last night that was so sweet and perfect…

“Keith, I…,” began Lance. Keith looked at him, wondering what he wanted to say seeing as he was having trouble getting the words out. “I don’t think I’m one of those people,” said Lance, staring off into the distance.

“What kind of people?” asked Keith, lost.

“The ones who can wait… to be happy…” Keith watched Lance’s face as the rising sun broke over the horizon and lit him up like in was in a spotlight. The wind was picking up, officially marking the end of Clear Day, making his short hair dance. He looked so sad and small. It made Keith sad too. He wished he could reach inside Lance and find whatever was making him hurt and mend it, but instead all he could do was sit beside him and watch the sun rise.

Seven weeks.

Seven weeks exaclty since he’d sat on top of Black beside Lance and watched the sunset on Earth for the last time. Now they sat on Red and watch the sunrise on an alien world.

Nothing had changed for Keith. If the goal had been to love Lance less then he’d failed and, in spite of that goal, had fallen in love with him more.

He hoped he’d see the sun rise again on him and Lance… that they could have that bright sun on them once again. 

He wanted to share this with Lance. Share it and scoop him up in his arms and kiss him and give Lance his happiness now if that would provide it, but instead he remembered Lance had someone waiting for him so he stood up and said, “We should be getting back. Allura will be wondering where you are.”

As soon as he said this Red began to bend down, to lower his head to ground level. Keith wasn’t sure which one of them had requested this from Red. He still didn’t know if he had a connection to this Lion or not.

“So now you’re not afraid of heights?” said Lance as they lowered to a stop.

“What?” asked Keith, confused.

“Nothing,” said Lance.

They climbed down and Keith placed a hand on Red. “Thanks, Red,” he mumbled.

“Do you miss him?” asked Lance.

“Yeah,” admitted Keith. “I think about him all the time. You know, Black’s always felt like something that’s been entrusted to me, but Red… Red felt like he was mine.” 

Keith wasn’t sure how Lance would react to this confession so it was odd when Lance puffed up his chest and said, “Well, he’s mine now and you can’t have him back!”

“I wasn’t trying to get him back. I was answering a question honestly,” countered Keith, an edge to his voice.

“Red goes to the fastest pilot. That’s me.” Lance thrust a thumb at his own chest.

Keith smirked. “You know those Garrison fighter pilots would fly out to where I lived too.”

Lance’s eyes widened. Perhaps this was the first time he’d realized they hadn’t grown up all that far apart. “What’s your point?”

“I used to watch them too. You aren’t the only one who had daydreams of flying so fast.”

“What are you…?”

“First one back to the Atlas wins,” said Keith, quickly.

“You’re on!” said Lance. But Keith was certain he didn’t know that he was about to lay one hand on Kosmo and teleport to Black’s cockpit and get a really good head start. Oh, he wished he hear Lance rage over that one.

******

“Keith, you cheater!” bellowed Lance, looking at the spot where Keith used to be. Black was already firing up when Red opened up to let Lance inside.

When Lance was in the pilot seat he told Keith off over the comlink. “You’re such a cheater!”

“You’re still broadcasting to all Lions,” said Keith. “How can you still not able to open a private chat?”

“No one else is in their Lions! I don’t care!” yelled Lance. He took off planet of Drazan, following behind the Black Lion.

“Slow and can’t work your console,” teased Keith. “Maybe I should take Red back. Maybe I’ll have two Lions…”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Fine. I’ll be nice. Seeing as you’ve pretty much admitted I could if I wanted to.”

Fuck he was cocky. But then… it was kinda nice to hear cocky Keith again. “Keith, can I ask you something?” said Lance, flipping his tone.

There was a pause then Keith said, “Anything.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird that we just left a carnival on an alien planet?”

Keith said nothing.

“Like…Did both Earth and Drazen independently come up with the idea for a ferris wheel? Or did they somehow rip it off from Earth?”

“I don’t know,” came Keith’s voice. “I guess I never thought about it.”

“Really? Because we keep seeing stuff that’s eerily Earth-like. Space malls, space hospitals, space ice shows, but like… are they inventing this stuff or are they copying us? There is that one Earth store in the space mall so obviously aliens have been visiting Earth. Do you think they like to copy our culture because to them it’s kitschy?”

“You think way to hard about this stuff,” said Keith with a chuckle.

“It’s bugging me!” said Lance. “Plus the whole lion thing. Did Altea have lions? Or something similar to lions that were also named lions? Sometimes I wonder if we’re all inside the Matrix...”

“What’s the Matrix?” asked Keith.

Lance laughed. “Okay, never mind. The Matrix wouldn’t program you to be so unaware of movie culture. But seriously, you need to watch the Matrix with me and Pidge. It’ll make you question everything you know. I mean, you’re a natural born conspiracy theorist so it’s right up your alley.”

“Says the guy who thinks aliens have been spying on earth and creating off brand pop culture.”

“Touché,” said Lance. “But seriously, if we have a night off from things trying to kill us, let’s do a movie night with Pidge. Have Hunk cater.”

“… Sure. If we’re all… free.” 

********  
Black touched down in Atlas’s hangar first. Keith used Kosmo to teleport out of the cockpit just so he could rub it in Lance’s face how much he won by when Lance had to walk out of Red the proper way. But then Veronica’s voice came over the PA, “KEITH KOGANE REPORT TO CAPTAIN SHIROGANE’S OFFICE.”

****

Apparently Shiro had an office. This was something Keith soon learned. It wasn’t much, just a desk against a wall and couple chairs. Shiro sat in one, fingers tented, a stern look on his face. His arm wrestling trophy sat on the desk next to framed photo from his student days.

“What did you want to see me about?” asked Keith. 

“You seemed off this morning and now I know why,” said Shiro. He tapped something on his desktop screen and a security camera video started to play. It was the Paladin’s bunk hallway with a time stamp marked two am and Keith stumbling around, standing in front of a door then moving to the next door and repeating the process. “Looks like you got pretty drunk last night. Care to explain yourself?”

“I was just blowing off steam,” said Keith, emotionless. Honestly he didn’t feel like Shiro’s disappointed tone was justified.

“I can understand the temptation, Keith, but you are not in a position where you can risk being incapacitated. What if Honerva had attacked last night?”

Keith couldn’t pay attention to being scolded, not when he was still watching the video play out, watching him stand in front of Lance’s door and having it open. Watching Lance emerge and lead him down the hall to his own room and going inside.

“Keith!” snapped Shiro. “Are you even listening?”

“It won’t happen again,” said Keith, hoping that would be enough to end this conversation. Last night with Lance had been real which meant… He needed to go off and let his brain explode with this new information.

“That’s not enough for me to trust you,” said Shiro.

“Me needing your trust? That’s rich,” muttered Keith. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but the video had caused him to put his guard down.

“What does that mean?” asked Shiro.

“Nothing. Sorry… Sir,” Keith turned to go, but Shiro’s new hand grabbed hold of his arm. Keith looked down, it was further than arm’s length from Shiro’s body just… floating on it’s own. Suddenly it felt super weird that his arm could do that.

“Keith… are you ever going to tell me what’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” lied Keith.

“You’ve been distant for months. Whenever we interact, you’re formal. I want to know what’s going on. If I’ve done something...”

Keith snorted. He didn’t mean to be so flippant. It’s just he’d been trying for months to dampen his resentment and being confronted about it like this, he couldn’t hold off the bitterness anymore.

“Keith…,” implored Shiro.

“Shiro, I trusted and loved you like you were my family. I saved your life over and over and you… you told Lance to get over me.”

“Keith…,” said Shiro, his voice getting emotional. He shook his head, processing this accusation in front of Keith’s eyes. “I didn’t say it like that and I certainly didn’t expect Lance to turn around and tell you what I said…”

“Well, he did,” said Keith, taking a step back. “And what does it matter what your wording was? You decided I wasn’t worth Lance fighting for and you told him to move on. So he did. He moved on to Allura. And I know, I know that’s not your fault. That the bulk is on me, but the fact that you weren’t routing for me… That hurts.”

“Okay,” said Shiro. “I can see how this seems like a betrayal.”

“Seems like? Shiro, you convinced the love of my life to go be with someone else!”

“Keith, be serious.” Shiro’s tone was condescending. “You are a teenager, you don’t know Lance is the love of your life.”

“Seriously? I am at least twenty-one… I think. I experienced more time than you, but also, you decided Adam was the love of your life when you fifteen so you’re a huge hypocrite!”

“Adam wasn’t the love of my life,” said Shiro, his tone hostile.

“How could you back off on that?” cried Keith. “That’s so disrespectful to his memory!”

“Keith, I am saying that because I don’t want it to be true,” shouted Shiro, standing up. “I can’t believe in having just one love anymore because that means I don’t ever get to be happy again and I can’t accept that! I need to move on. I’m trying to. I’m seeing someone and -” Shiro’s voice broke at the end. “Adam’s gone,” said Shiro, his voice quieter. “And I’m the first to admit I’m not dealing well with finding out he died while I was technically dead myself.”

With a sniff, Shiro sat back down, wiping away a stray tear. “Maybe that’s why I’ve been distant too. I… I should’ve reached out to you sooner, I’m sorry. You really have saved my life so, so many times and I keep feeling responsible for you having trust issues.”

“Don’t do that,” said Keith, quietly. “Don’t call me broken then take credit for it. At least let me own my flaws.”

“You’re not broken, Keith, I never said that.”

“And,” continued Keith, ignoring him. “You do not get to turn around and name those flaws to Lance.” Keith shook his head. “Don’t do that.”

Shiro leaned forward and calmly said, “Keith, I know your feelings for Lance were huge and intense, but –”

“Are huge,” said Keith, correcting him. “Are intense. You don’t even…” Keith saw something on the screen behind him and pointed. “See! Look at that!” Shiro turned in time to see Lance step out of Keith’s room, hugging himself, looking down at the ground. “You know what had just happened in there? We kissed. We kissed last night. We went on a date today. Oh, and the night before Lance and I had psychic sex. So yeah. Feelings still huge and intense and really neither of us has actually gotten over the other.”

“Um - ah,” stammered Shiro, looking away from the video and back at Keith, clearly stunned.

“Oh also, since you pride yourself on knowing everything about me, you should know I told Lance I love him three times. Once when we were breaking up, once before the Honerva’s first Komar Robeast exploded and put me in a coma, and the last time when Lance and I were having sex with our minds so… Yeah.”

Shiro was still just staring at Keith. Finally he managed to nod his head as Keith grabbed the other chair and flopped down beside him. Yelling at Shiro was exhausting, but… he also felt pretty good now.

“I guess,” began Shiro finally. “I have not been properly involved in your life for awhile.”

“No, you have not,” said Keith with a chuckle, the tension finally released from the room.

“Soooo why would you pick those moments to say ‘I –?’”

“I don’t know,” said Keith, cutting him off. “Eventually I’m going to find a proper moment to say it.” He leaned forward and looked down at his hands. “Colleen recommended I wait until Lance was ready for me, but… I don’t wanna wait. I want to be with him now.”

Shiro was quiet. Keith’s gaze fell on the framed photo, he picked it up. It was of Shiro and Adam when they were third year cadets, Fighter Class. He remembered it well from their apartment. “I can’t believe this survived Sendak’s attack,” said Keith. “It’s nice you could bring it here for decoration.” Keith’s eyes drifted and he noticed a smaller frame he hadn’t noticed at first with a photo of him and Shiro when he was fourteen. That had been in their apartment too.

“I didn’t bring those photos,” said Shiro, talking into his folded hands as he stared at the wall. “They were in the office when I got here. The previous Captain left them here.”

“Previous Captain?” repeated Keith, confused. “Atlas didn’t have a Captain before you.”

“It never launched, but they had one training at one point. Unfortunately, he died in the first wave of Sendak’s invasion.”

“But…” It was clicking for Keith.

Shiro smiled to himself. “Did I ever tell you Adam was the second greatest pilot in our graduating year?”

“So he was…?”

“Planning to come to space to find his family,” said Shiro, a bit of a tremble in his voice.

“He was coming after you?” Keith could hardly believe this.

“He was coming after us, Keith,” said Shiro. Keith didn’t know how to process this, but then Shiro clapped a heavy hand on Keith’s shoulder and said, “Go get Lance.   
Go be with him now.”

“You don’t mean that,” muttered Keith, skeptical.

“Why not?”

“Because you didn’t think I was good enough before and -”

“I always thought you were good enough for Lance. I just thought Lance was more mature than you, but hearing what you two have been up to… I gave Lance too much credit.”

“What about the team dynamic?” protested Keith. “What about forming Voltron? This could shake up all our relationships.”

“Kinda sounds like they’re already shaken up,” said Shiro. “Look, Adam used to have this saying that he’d say to his students, ‘anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.’”

“I remember him saying that, but I never understood what it meant.”

“It means it’s more important to have done something the wrong way than to have never even attempted it.”

“So that’s it then.”

“I’m sorry I set you and Lance back. I honestly intended to build Lance up, but I guess I cut you down in the process. Regardless, you two seem to be magnets and nothing can actually keep you apart and if that’s the case, it’d be better if you two really talked out your feelings and got on the same page. And it would be better for Allura if she was cut loose sooner rather than later.”

“You make it all sound easy.”

“It’s not,” said Shiro. “None of it is, but anything worth doing…”

“… is worth doing poorly. Right.” Keith went to get up.

“Hey,” said Shiro, clapping a hand on Keith’s back again. “No more getting drunk. I wish you could just go be reckless like an ordinary young adult, but I’m afraid a day at the carnival is all I can offer you as far as blowing off steam.”

“I won’t. I didn’t mean to the first time, just kinda happened.” Keith moved to the door then stopped. “So you’re seeing somebody?”

“Shh,” hushed Shiro. “We’re keeping it on the down low.”

“Who is it?” asked Keith, figuring Shiro owed him a secret after he yelled all of his at him.

“Curtis,” said Shiro.

Keith furrowed his bow, “Okay, so I haven’t met him.”

“You’ve met Curtis,” said Shiro. Keith shook his head. “He works on the bridge.”

“The guy with all the arms?” asked Keith. thinking of Shiro with his one arm dating a guy with four arms.

“No! The Communications Officer. The good looking one.”

“Oh yeah, him,” said Keith, drawing a complete blank. 

“Just go talk to Lance,” snapped Shiro, giving Keith a dismissive wave.

Keith left Shiro with determination in his step. He stopped by the plant nursery first and poked his head in. “Hey,” he said to get Colleen’s attention. “Did you lie for Lance and pretend you were the one that brought me to my room last night when it was really him?”

“Yes, I did,” she said, as casual as answering a question about the weather.

“Okay, thanks.”

“Anytime,” said Colleen.

Keith left and went back to the hall with their bunks. He stood in front of Lance’s door. Didn’t open. Didn’t matter. He was sure it had last night. And as he was standing there, feeling very resentful to the door, it suddenly opened and Lance was on the other side. Lance took a step before he realized Keith was there and suddenly there were inches apart.

“Oh hey,” said Lance. “I’m just -”

“You switched it back,” said Keith, staying in place rather than moving out of the way. This meant they remained very close together.

“I what?” 

“The door, you switched it back.”

“What door?” said Lance, a blush forming on his cheeks.

“It opened for me last night and today it won’t,” said Keith.

“Fuck, your drunk memory is amazing,” mumbled Lance.

“Why would you lie to me?” asked Keith.

“Pretty sure you’re lying to me,” countered Lance. “And we both know we’re doing it so certain people don’t get hurt.”

“But this isn’t working,” said Keith. “We’re not even lying convincingly at this point. We just need to put everything out on the table and decide where to go from there.”

Lance looked sad. “Fine… Last night you and I…”

“I know,” said Keith, softly. “And the night before we really did…”

“I kinda figured,” said Lance.

So close. They stood so close. It was a mere inch of movement that brought Keith’s hand to brush his fingertips against Lance’s. Just fingertips touching, but it was electric. Keith wanted to kiss Lance, had kissed Lance less than twenty-four hours earlier so what was holding them back now? His fingers slid in between Lance’s. He leaned his face closer to Lance as his other hand searched to hold Lance as well, but instead of fingers he felt something soft and… fuzzy?

“What’s…?” asked Keith, immediately distracted.

“Nothing,” said Lance, hiding his hand behind his back while tugging against the one Keith was still holding. “Just come inside and let’s talk.”

Keith stepped forward, heart pounding. He knew what he wanted to say to Lance. Wanted to say it properly, to his face, finally. This time it wasn’t hopeless. This time it could change something. It could change everything.

“Lance,” said Keith, grabbing hold of his one hand with both hands. Lance’s eyes met his and he knew it was the right time to tell him. “Lance, I lo–”

“LANCE MCCLAIN TO THE MED BAY,” came a voice, blaring over the PA speaker, cutting Keith off. “LANCE MCCLAIN TO THE MED BAY.”

Lance looked up as if he’d see someone talking to him from the ceiling. He looked back at Keith, confused for a moment and then he was dropping Keith’s hand and pushing past him. Lance took off running down the hall, dropping what had been in his hand. As Lance’s footsteps disappeared around the corner Keith bent to pick up the fuzzy blue object from the ground. He lifted it up, inspecting it. It was that little stuffed blue lion with a sparkly bow now wrapped around it. The gift for Allura of course. Of course…


	12. Knights of the Light Part 0.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angsty angst

Wanting to breakup with Allura and wanting to be with Keith were two separate thoughts. He was not going to leave Allura for Keith. Things with Allura weren’t working. And things with Keith were… Well, there wasn’t supposed to be things with Keith and there hadn’t been… intentionally, but that didn’t mean it had to be one or the other. They were separate. Wanting to be with Keith was a completely independent thought.

In order for these to be two thoughts to be truly separate, they needed to be executed (you guessed it) separately and in a very specific order.

Lance could already picture himself walking to Allura’s door, telling her they needed talk, and asking her point blank if she really did feel attracted to him, if she felt she could fall in love with him. He could see her letting him down gently, him graciously accepting, them hugging and vowing to continue to be close friends…

Yet his head was fast forwarding through that part and picturing telling Keith it was over with Allura. Touching Keith, kissing Keith, letting Keith back him up against his bed and tip him onto his back. He was already imagining unbuckling their belts on their Paladin suits and shimming down his undersuit pants. He wanted to feel Keith sink in to him, let Keith consume him, let Keith fuck him and lose himself it what it felt like to be his. To be Keith’s once again.

They were two separate thoughts.

The order of execution was curial.

And Lance was fairly certain he was about five seconds away from royally fucking up the order…

It was that look in Keith’s eyes when Lance opened his door. It was his hand in his like a tether pulling him faster towards the future. It was those words forming on his lips that seemed to move in slow motion. “Lance, I lo –” And it was every hormone and chemical and emotion in Lance’s body conspiring to kiss those pretty lips the moment they finished saying the thing Lance wanted to hear more than anything in the world.

Lance wasn’t sure if he believed in Karma. The jury was still out on the concept of fate. One thing he did understand though, on a gut level, was bad timing and terrible things happening to people who deserve it the least.

“LANCE MCCLAIN TO THE MED BAY,” came a voice, blaring over the PA speaker, cutting Keith off. “LANCE MCCLAIN TO THE MED BAY.”

Lance ran. Didn’t spare a passing thought to pretty lips and half formed confessions because even though he couldn’t know it was Allura who was sick or hurt or worse, he did know. Knew on an instinctive level just like he knew about bad timing and terrible things happening to the people who least deserve it.

It is possible that karma has a sick sense of humour? Maybe if you do something bad, it’ll hurt someone you care about so you can watch the physical manifestation of the pain you’ve caused them.

…Lance didn’t deserve either of them, did he?

*****

Keith approached the med bay. He didn’t even slow down, just glanced through the window and confirmed the usual before blowing past. He arrived at the plant nursery to find Colleen had her card table set up. She was sitting at it, elbows on the table, chin on top of her arms, staring at a dead potted plant.

“Hey,” said Keith, hovering in the doorway.

Colleen didn’t even look over to greet him. “Bad time. I’m wallowing.”

“Want some company?” asked Keith.

“She has company,” came Pidge’s voice.

Keith had to look down to find the source. Pidge was underneath the card table, lying on her back. He honestly didn’t understand what she had against chairs, but she rarely used them. 

“Want more?” asked Keith.

“Wouldn’t that make it a crowd?” asked Pidge.

“Huh?”

“Two’s company, three’s… never mind. Intrude already.”

Keith came to sit at the card table, pulling up an empty planter to use as a seat. As soon as he was sitting, Pidge scurried out and sat on the folding chair he’d left open for her. They sat in silence for several minutes. Pidge and Keith staring off into space, Colleen poking at her dead plant and muttering to herself about ‘repotting too soon’ and ‘air moisture.’ The image of the plant clicked for him as he recognized the pot as the one he’d seen Colleen carrying the morning of Clear Day, knocking on Allura’s door. That had been a gift to Allura then, one that had quickly died. Keith felt the guilt clench his stomach tighter than it already felt.

Keith looked over at Pidge. “What are you wallowing about? Are you still grounded?”

“No,” said Pidge.

“Yes,” said Colleen.

“Yes, but no,” said Pidge with an eye roll then her eyebrows turned upwards. “I’m worried about Allura.” Some how Keith kept forgetting that Pidge really liked Allura.

“Have you visited her?” asked Keith.

“Yeah,” said Pidge. “She was so still. It was scary. Kinda like how you were when you were in a coma.”

Keith was quiet. He didn’t know how to agree. Honerva’s Komar Robeast exploding had knocked him out for several days, but it’s not like he remembered how he was…

“Have you visited?” asked Pidge.

“I’ve tried,” said Keith.

Colleen finally looked up from the plant to raise an eyebrow at Keith.

“Tried?” echoed Pidge.

“Every time I stop by, Lance is in there. He hasn’t left her side.”

“Remind me again why you and Lance can’t be in the same room together,” said Colleen.

“Is he your alter ego?” asked Pidge. “Superman to your Clark Kent? Batman to your Bruce Wayne?” Keith blinked, not following. Frustrated, Pidge said, “You’re not the same person as Lance so logically you can be in the same room together, be photographed together, etcetera.”

“Oh right,” said Keith, pulling his arms across his chest. “I just feel like he’ll blame me for keeping him from Allura when this was happening. I mean, I blame me...”

“One day, fourteen hours, six minutes, and fourteen seconds,” said Pidge, looking up at the clock.

“What’s that?” asked Keith.

“How long it took you to make Allura’s coma about you.”

Oh, so Keith could feel more guilt.

“Katie,” warned Colleen.

“What?” snapped Pidge, looking at her mom. “I told you! I told you, didn’t I? That he’d make this about him and Lance.” Pidge turned back to Keith. “Seriously, what do you need to convince you this isn’t about you? You want a time stamped security video of the moment Allura hit the ground to prove you weren’t sucking Lance’s dick on the ferris wheel at the exact same time?”

“Katie! Language!”

“Sorry, performing fellatio on Lance on the the ferris wheel.”

“That’s better.”

“Sorry,” said Keith, drawing in on himself. “I keep thinking that if I hadn’t kept him out longer, he would’ve been back on the Atlas with her and maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I guess that’s not a helpful thought.”

“You’re not the only one having these thoughts, Keith,” said Colleen. “I was the last one to see her that morning when I gave her this juniberry flower, may it rest in peace. She was in bed. Dhe didn’t look good. My mom instincts should’ve fired on high and I should’ve stayed or insisted she go to the med bay and Katie’s not going to admit it, but she was just saying she wished she’d returned to the Atlas when Lance told her Allura wasn’t feeling well.”

“Shut up! Don’t tell him that!”

“Language…”

“Close your mouth opening,” muttered Pidge.

“You’re good friends to her to think that way,” said Keith. “All I’ve ever done for Allura is lust after her boyfriend…”

“Oh, is that all you’ve ever done?” said Pidge, her sarcasm in high form today. “So you didn’t leave your home world not once, but twice to fight an intergalactic war for her? Was that not you? How about piloting her father’s magical lion weapons? How about taking over as leader of Voltron twice when you didn’t want to? What about finding proof that she wasn’t the last of her kind? Heck, bringing back another Altean? Exposing her boyfriend as a genocidal maniac before he could gaslight her into letting him take over the universe? Or how about continuing to do all these things while she made racist comments towards your kind? Was that not you? Was none of that you, Keith? You gonna cancel all those good deeds out because you mind-fucked her boyfriend?”

“Language!” snapped Colleen.

“Sorry, ‘mind canoodled.’ Hey, I love Allura,” said Pidge, then she snapped her head towards Colleen who must’ve been making some kind of expression, “as a friend, mom!” Then looked back to Keith. “But she’s about as good at showing her appreciation as you are at getting regular haircuts. Now tell me I’m right.”

“You’re right,” said Keith, quietly.

“Now admit you’re not a bad person.”

Keith, looked at Colleen for help, but she just made a ‘go ahead’ gesture with her hand.

“I’m not a bad person,” mumbled Keith. “I guess I just feel like I wasn’t ever able to be Allura’s friend.”

“She didn’t try with you either though,” said Pidge.

“I was jealous and… I’m not good at making friends.”

Pidge snorted. “That’s a really rude thing to say to us considering we’re basically you’re best friends.”

“We’re best friends?” asked Keith, a way too hopeful smile threatening to upturn the corners of his mouth.

“This is awkward,” said Pidge. “We’re your best friends. You’re not our best friend.”

“Katie,” sighed Colleen. “I think a nicer way to sum up what she’s trying to get across is it’s a very hard thing to change who you are, but it’s easy to keep thinking about yourself in the same way. It would be good for you to access the work you’ve done on yourself, Keith.” Colleen gave Pidge the side eye. “So other’s don’t have to beat you over the head with what are actually compliments, but are made to sound like insults.”

“Thank, Pidge,” said Keith. “I’m glad we’re best friends.”

“I’m your best friend, you’re not mine,” said Pidge, quietly but she looked pleased.

“Colleen,” said Keith, “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,” said Colleen, leaning back and crossing her arms.

“How was Adam… after I left?”

Colleen inhaled deeply then let it out in a slow hiss. “Do you want the sugar coated answer or the I’m-an-adult-now-I-can-take-it answer?”

“Adult answer,” said Keith.

“It destroyed him,” said Colleen with a shrug that didn’t fit. “He was already struggling when the engagement got broke off and then right after he found out Shiro was dead, you ran away. Shiro had asked him to look out for you while he was gone and he felt like the biggest failure. It wasn’t good, Keith.”

Keith sat in silence for a while. He’d assumed this. It almost felt a bit better to have his worries confirmed. But… not really. “I didn’t know it would effect him like that. I was never close with him like I was with Shiro. He was just Shiro’s boyfriend to me.”

“That’s the strange thing about us adults. We’re gonna love kids even if that love only goes one way. Adam and I supported each other a lot in those days. When Katie ran away from me, I knew exactly how he felt.”

Keith looked over at Pidge. He hadn’t really connected these dots before, but when her dad and brother were declared dead she’d had the same reaction as him to having Shiro declared dead. They’d both refused to accept what they were told and ran away to find answers. Her search brought her to the school he’d just left, while his search brought him out to the dessert, to the Blue Lion’s cave. And both their research brought them to the exact same area on the exact same night when Shiro’s ship crash-landed. 

They both went to space, they both searched for family members, going on solo missions away from the other Paladins, pursuing their own leads. They’d lived these parallel lives, but he’d never really saw that.

“I’m sorry,” said Pidge. “I didn’t stop to think about how you’d feel. To be fair, I definitely wasn’t expecting to leave the planet.”

“Same with me and Adam.”

“It’s not the kid’s job to worry about the adults,” said Colleen, looking at Keith.

“So I’m forgiven?” asked Pidge, with a smile.

“Not in this lifetime,” said Colleen with a smirk. Pidge slumped her shoulders in defeat. Colleen took out her phone and pulled up a photo. It was of a missing person poster with Pidge’s old look with the long hair, she swiped and it showed an updated missing poster with Pidge’s Garrison ID photo. Then she kept swiping to show missing posters with Lance, Hunk, and Keith’s ID’s. “It was me, Adam, Veronica, and Hunk’s mom postering the tri-state area every weekend.

“Obviously it never occurred to us that you were in space together, but we figured Keith’s disappearance had to linked to the others. We had so many working theories… child human trafficking, serial killer… It was Veronica who was certain the Garrison was hiding something from us.”

“Smart woman,” said Pidge. 

“Adam wanted to quit the Garrison and I was thinking about packing up and moving away, just getting away from the pain. She wouldn’t let us quit. She believed that if we stuck it out, we would get some answers. Obviously, she was right.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” said Keith.

“We had each other so we survived it. Created our little family on Earth while you made yours in space. Having people in your corner, lifting you up when you’re too weak to stand then doing the same for them when you’re strong, that makes all the difference.”

“I wish I could tell Adam I’m sorry.”

“Keith, he knew what you did. He knew you found Shiro just like you told him you would. He wasn’t mad at you. He was so proud of you.”

“Just like you’re proud of me?” asked Pidge. “For finding dad and Matt?”

“No. You, I will be disappointed in forever,” said Colleen.

Pidge groaned. Keith laughed.

******

“But I don’t want to chase the drugans out of the butterflute field. Make Luca do it.”

Romelle was talking in her sleep. Lance was wondering what drugans and buttleflutes were as he watched her back rise and fall. Her lower half on a chair and her upper half slumped over Allura’s hospital cot.

“I think it’s time you move to your own bed,” said Coran, placing a hand on Romelle’s shoulder to shake her awake.

Romelle yawned as she sat up again, eyes still barely open. “But I want to stay with Allura plus I have all these drugans to chase off.”

“Alright,” said Hunk, scooping Romelle out of her seat by her armpits. “It’s definitely time you visited a real bed.”

“But the drugans,” mumbled Romelle, leaning her body weight into Hunk as he guided her out the med bay door.

“Lance can take care of them, can’t you Lance?” Hunk was looking expectantly over his shoulder.

“Yeah, drugans. Sure,” said Lance, unable to put any emotion into his voice.

“I should’ve been with Allura,” muttered Romelle as Hunk led her out. “Instead spending all of Clear Day trapped in the quizzaking maze of mirrors.”

“What about you?” asked Coran, looking at Lance. “Have you slept?”

“I tried last night,” said Lance. “I couldn’t relax.”

“You should try again. Have a nap. I can watch over Allura.”

Lance shook his head no. “I’m too anxious. I’d rather just stay with her so she sees me when she wakes up. If she wakes up…”

Movement out in the hall caught Lance’s attention. Through the window he saw Keith walking by. A quick glance in was all he spared before increasing his pace and moving on.

A mixture of emotions stirred inside Lance, but he was too exhausted to focus on any particular one. He’d seen Keith do this exact walk by at least a dozen times over the past two days and he was certain his path wasn’t taking him through this part of the Atlas that often. He didn’t know why that was or why he wasn’t stopping to come inside. Was Keith avoiding Lance or avoiding visiting Allura? Either way, if Lance could bring himself to feel emotion he’d likely be mad, but since he was so numb, Keith was off the hook.

“We’re gonna run some tests,” said the doctor. Lance hadn’t even noticed her approach. “It’ll take about half an hour if you two don’t mind clearing out?”

“C’mon,” said Coran, speaking to Lance. “Let’s get you something to eat from the cafeteria.”

Lance stood, his body felt like lead, but he helped Coran move the chairs out of the way of the doctor. He glanced back as he was following Coran out, wishing he could stay in case anything changed, but likely it wouldn’t.

He didn’t know what test they were running, but knew it wouldn’t find anything useful. They’d already tried Allura in the one healing pod they had, but it found nothing wrong with her. Human tests from human doctors turned up nothing. They didn’t have any knowledge of Altean anatomy so there was literally nothing they could do for her, but physically watch her. The one doctor had tried to insert an IV into Allura’s arm to keep her hydrated. Her Altean skin pushed the needle right back out.

She just needed to wake up on her own. Something that became less likely by the day. Lance remembered Keith getting that same diagonosis…

Lance pushed the thought of Keith from his brain as Coran set a tray with a meal in front of him. He just stared at it.

“At least try to eat,” said Coran. “You do Allura no good by starving yourself.”

Lance picked up the fork and made a show of shoving the food around. He’d never been less hungry in his life. He noticed Coran hadn’t gotten himself anything to eat.

Coran let out a loud sigh as he looked of across the room. “I never had any children of my own, but Allura feels like she’s mine. She is, after all, the daughter of the man I loved as if he were my husband.”

Knew it. Called it. Calfor lives.

“The greatest display of his love for me was when he asked me to accompany his daughter into sleep… into the future.” Coran looked down, his fingertips lightly dancing on the table in front of him, a nervous gesture. “I don’t think he intended Allura to wake up and immediately take up his mantel. I’m sure he meant us to sleep through the war or if we didn’t, to have the good sense to take the castleship and go hide in the farthest region of space.”

“So why didn’t you?” asked Lance, his voice coming out croaky, like he’d forgotten how to use it. “Why didn’t you run?”

“Because like most couples, Alfor and I didn’t agree on everything. He wanted Allura out of the war. I didn’t believe he had the right to decide that for her.”

“But if you loved Alfor and you know his final wish was for you to keep her safe, why let her fight at all?”

“Because she’s an adult, not an object,” Coran explained, calmly. “There’s no controlling her. I would never want to. Loving a person means accepting that they think and act for themselves. Allura’s drive to end this war is one of things I admire most about her. She woke up and didn’t hesitate for a tick before doing exactly what her father didn’t want her to do, reform Voltron. I see the things I loved about Alfor in her. I see the fight that was inside both her parents. But… but it also breaks my heart because that drive led to their deaths.” Coran’s eyes teared up.

“I don’t think I’m as strong as you, Coran,” said Lance, his voice quiet. “We all keep jumping in front of each other, trying to die for each other and it’s too much for me. I could be a better soldier if I didn’t love everyone I was fighting beside. I don’t want to keep falling in love with people who are prepared to die. My heart hurts and I just want it to shut off.”

Lance pushed his tray away. He didn’t want to cry here in the cafeteria, but this was happening. The best he could do was bury his head in his arms to muffle the sound. He sensed Coran sit beside him before he felt his arm around his shoulders.

When Lance was calm enough he raised his head to ask, “Do you think she choose to take that thing into herself?”

“The security footage was ambiguous,” said Coran. “It may have attacked her. She may have welcomed it.”

“I think she let it in,” said Lance, darkly.

Coran patted Lance’s back. “Let’s go see if the test is done, Number Four.”

“I’m Number Three,” said Lance.

“Ah yes, I switched you and Keith when he had his growth spurt. The ranks are based on height.”

“That’s so unfair though! He didn’t have a growth spurt. He leveled up on a side quest. He went off and had two more years of growing than me. I could grow taller than him on a space whale.”

******

When they got back to the med bay Allura was alone again and they were surprised to see her stirring, like she was having a nightmare.

“Allura?” said Lance, standing over her bed.

Allura gasped, her eyes flying open.

“Allura, are you okay?” asked Lance.

“What’s going on?” asked Allura, feeling her head with her hand. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the medical bay,” said Coran. 

“When we got back from Clear Day,” explained Lance, “we found you collapsed on the ground.” Well… not Lance specifically. He was somewhere else…

“You’ve been asleep for two quintants. The entity, it’s missing. Did you…?”

Lance saw a moment of guilt on Allura’s face then her gaze shifted as her tone darkened. “I did what needed to be done.”

“No,” gasped Coran.

“What needed to be done?” asked Lance. He’d had a feeling she did this to herself, but he couldn’t understand why. “What are you talking about?”

Allura held up her hand, gazing at her strained, contorted fingers. “This entity, it is connected to Honerva in some way. I believe we can use it.”

“Use it? I –” Lance tried to tell her she was being crazy and reckless, but the words wouldn’t come.

“I swore to your father that I would look after you,” said Coran, “but I fear I may have let him down. This is the path of darkness.”

“It is the path towards defeating Honerva,” said Allura. Lance hadn’t once heard her so certain since they’d left Earth. He hated this. He hated that she’d done this.

“Allura, no,” said Lance, finding his voice. “Maybe Honerva controlled you and that’s why you took that thing inside. We can’t use it to get to her. It’s too dangerous and I won’t accept you taking this risk.”

“It doesn’t matter if you accept it, Lance. It is my choice.”

“Please, Allura, let’s talk about this,” begged Lance.

“Very well,” agreed Allura, swinging her legs over the side. “We will talk about it.” Lance sighed in relief. She was willing to hear him out. “I wish to get dressed first. Lance, will you fetch my uniform for me?”

“Of course,” agreed Lance, turning to go.

As he left he heard Allura say, “Coran, I have a task for you as well.”

******

Keith walked towards the med bay with intent. This time he would not chicken out and keep walking by. Still, he stopped to peek inside the window. Lance wasn’t there for once. That was a relief. The door slid open as he approached.

“Hey,” said Keith, giving the doorframe a knock as he stepped in. “Coran said you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, Keith, I need to speak to you,” said Allura, indicating he should sit beside her on her bed.

Keith felt so. Fucking. Weird. “I’m glad you’re awake,” said awkward Keith awkwardly as he sat down beside her in an awkward way.

“Yes, I fear I’ve wasted too much time asleep. I have a plan you see, but I as leader I need your opinion and if you agree with it, I need you to help me convince… others.”

“Okay. Let’s hear it,” said Keith. He wasn’t sure what he was more grateful for, that she wanted to talk shop or that there was a plan, seeing as they had no ideas at this point.

******

When Lance returned with Allura’s uniform folded tiddy in his arms - and a bra and panty set that he’d borrowed from Veronica because he did not feel like it was okay for him to search through Allura’s drawers. He’d folded them inside the clothing so they weren’t on display as he walked and yes he spent way too much time worrying about the delivering of the fresh underwear problem - he saw the strangest sight. Keith and Allura, sitting together on her hospital bed and talking. Lance stood in the doorway, unable to understand what was happening. Evidentially they hadn’t noticed him.

“No, I agree,” said Keith. “I’ll set it up with Shiro.”

“Thank you, Keith. This means a lot,” said Allura.

Keith stood to go and finally noticed Lance standing inside the door. Lance watched his eyes widen in surprise before he corrected his face to it’s usual neutral expression. He nodded to Lance and stepped around him to leave.

Lance stepped up to Allura and dropped the pile of clothing on the bed. “I thought you said you were going to talk to me, not Keith.”

“We are all going to talk,” said Allura. “Shiro included and we will decide all together.”

Lance heard her, but he was also moving, turning to leave the room. Allura might think he was giving her privacy to change, but he knew exactly where he was going.

“Hey!” yelled Lance as he followed Keith down the hall.

Keith stopped and turned back to look at Lance. “Yeah?” he asked.

“How can you go along with this?” demanded Lance, walking right up to Keith. “You know this plan is too dangerous! That thing inside her, she thinks she can control, but it killed Luca!”

“Allura’s strong,” said Keith, still with no tone added to his voice, no expression on his face.

“She thinks she’s strong,” Lance disagreed. “But I guess you don’t care if Allura dies, right?” Keith looked taken aback, finally a reaction from him. That’s when Lance took it a step too far. “I guess you’d be happy to get her out of the way.” Yes, too far. Way too far. Light years beyond too far… So why did it feel so good to say it?

Lance figured it was because he wanted a reaction from Keith, a real reaction. It was a surprise when Keith smirked and crossed his arms across his chest. “Oh, I get it. You’re mad at her, but you can’t stand up to Allura so you’re taking it out on me.”

“That’s not what’s happening!”

“Lance, it’s okay,” said Keith with a shrug. “I’m used to being your punching bag.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m used to you using me in a lot of ways.”

“I said shut up, Keith!”

“Whenever Allura fails to fulfill your needs, you know I’m here to pick up her slack.”

“Hey, fuck off!” said Lance, sticking a finger in Keith’s face.

“Fuck off or fuck you?” asked Keith. “Which one is it today?” 

He was so cocky. So fucking cocky… Lance wanted to punch him, could feel his fists balling up beside him. He had to resist though. He would not punch Keith. He would hurt him in other ways though… Lance wasn’t proud of what he said next…

“If you weren’t such a shitty leader, Allura wouldn’t have to put herself at risk like this.”

There. In his face. Lance saw it. Saw that shift from cocky to angry. He’d hit a nerve with Keith. Why did it feel so good to rattle him?

Now it was Keith in his face. Keith with the intimidating stance. Keith with his finger pointed at Lance. “Maybe if my right hand man wasn’t too busy fantasizing about me to actually help me, your girlfriend wouldn’t be fucking with the dark side rather than you.”

“You’re an asshole,” spat Lance. He added just a little push, just enough to get Keith out of his space. He didn’t expect Keith to shove him back so hard, he hit the wall.

“You’re an idiot!” Keith looked wild. His shoulders back, his fists balled. The image drew up a memory from the Garrison.

“Now that’s the Keith I remember,” mumbled Lance. Keith’s eyes widened. He was confused, but Lance didn’t want to diffuse the situation. Oh no, they were just getting started. “You’re a bully,” said Lance, stepping away from the wall. “You never got anywhere without Shiro’s help. Not the Garrison, not the leader of Voltron.”

“Sorry I’m not a fucking princess,” said Keith and on the word ‘fucking’ shoved Lance back again. “Guess then I could do know wrong in your eyes.”

“Guess I’m too dumb to know any better.”

Keith smacked a hand on the wall beside Lance’s head. “You gonna hit me back already so we can have this out properly?” Keith let his eyes travel down Lance’s body. It was predatory and it made Lance shiver. “Or are you getting off on me roughing you up?”

That was it. That was the breaking point. That’s when Lance hit Keith for real. 

*

Keith was sick of it! Fucking sick of it! Sick of walkng around with his stomach in knots because he always felt like he was sabotaging Lance in some way simply by existing. But it wasn’t Keith, it was fucking Lance! Lance who couldn’t decide! Lance who kept stringing him along! Lance who thought it was a good fucking idea to kiss Keith when he was drunk and then pretend it didn’t happen!

Fuck Lance! (Not in the sexy way.)

He was so sick of feeling like a problem and that everything he did was the wrong move and now suddenly he was responsible for Allura acting badly too?

Fuck it.

That’s why he goaded Lance into hitting him. That’s why they were literally at each other’s throats when Iverson found them fighting in the hallway.

“Kogane! McClain! Knock it off!” bellowed Iverson.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” chanted Pidge who had appeared beside him. Wait… was she recording this?

Keith wasn’t sure since Lance had just swung at him and now he had to dodge then grab the front of Lance’s shirt and try to trip him. Didn’t work. Lance had gotten quicker, found his balance by grabbing ahold of Keith’s shirt.

“ENOUGH!” screamed Iverson.

And for some fucking reason they actually froze. Why did that voice still have power over them? They didn’t let go of each other though. 

“You two are acting like a pair of first years instead of Universe’s Defenders!”

“Defenders of the Universe,” Pidge corrected.

“Whatever!” barked Iverson. “Get your hands off each other!”

Keith and Lance locked eyes and at the same time released their grip, each deciding to add a mini shove for good measure so they ended up several feet apart.

“Someone better tell me what’s going on,” demanded Iverson.

“Nothing,” said Keith, deciding he didn’t actually have to explain himself to Iverson. “I have a meeting to lead.” He stalked off, deliberately knocking into Lance again as he went.

“Gotta go fail at that too,” said Lance, getting that one last jab in.

Fuck it. Two could play at that game.

“Why don’t you go jerk off before?” shot Keith. “Try not to think of me this time.”

“That’s an insult I’ve never heard before,” muttered Iverson.

Keith just kept walking. He needed to compose himself before he spoke to Shiro.


	13. Knights of the Light Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into the mind of a psychopath they go...

It was surprisingly easy to compose himself. Keith had been certain he was going to remain angry, but instead he felt energized, had a bounce in his step. He knew fighting with Lance wasn’t the solution to his problems, but letting himself go a bit, refusing to continue to blame himself, that helped. Lance was wrong to blame him for Allura’s plan and he was wrong to keeping treating Keith like there was hope for them when he had no intention of ever leaving Allura.

It was freeing to just let himself be angry with Lance.

“Hey Shiro,” said Keith when he located him on the bridge. “We need to meet with you in the conference room.”

“We?” asked Shiro.

Keith gave Shiro a soft smile. “Your family.” Speaking of being angry, it was a relief to not feel angry with Shiro anymore.

Shiro smiled back, his face always able to openly show affection even when he was at his most serious. “Let me finish up here and I’ll meet you there in ten.”

Keith located the others and had them join him in the conference room. Lance came and sat beside Allura. He crossed his arms across his chest, staring at the table, looking furious. Okay, so Lance was more of the type to wear his emotions, but this was a big display even for him. Even if it did rattle Keith a little bit, it was easy for him to appear calm. He just slid that beer glass over those shot glasses just like he’d been practicing his whole life.

“The entity has bonded me to Honerva,” explained Allura once Shiro had joined them. “The link is there whether we utilize it or not. I believe that if the Paladins connect using the shared consciousness of Voltron, we may be able to travel through the void and into Honerva’s mind.”

“That could, in theory, give us access to her physical location as well as key information on how to defeat her,” said Pidge.

“Which, after what happened the last time we faced her, could be super useful,” said Hunk. Oh look! Everyone was agreeing with the plan, not just Keith. Yet, wanna guess if Lance was going to punch any of them?

“Honerva is capable of creating galactic Komars, wormholes, Robeasts and now Lotor and his mech are out there somewhere,” explained Keith, finding it was almost easier to be calm knowing it was driving Lance crazy. “She is the single greatest threat the universe has ever faced and we don’t have any other leads. It might take lifetimes for another opportunity like this to come around. We think this is worth the risk.”

Shiro looked concerned. “I spent a lot of time in the infinite void. It took all of my strength not to lose my sanity and if you face Honerva in the void, she will win.” This sounded like a refusal and then Shiro softened and added, “But if you can find a clue that leads to defeating Honerva and Lotor, it could give us the upper hand in this fight.”

Lance spoke up. “I don’t like the idea of using Allura like this. We’re messing with powers we don’t fully understand that have ruined countless lives. It’s… it’s dangerous.” At least he was wording his arguments more articulately rather than yelling them at Keith, accusing him out trying to get Allura killed.

“Lance,” said Allura, fielding his concern herself so Keith didn’t have to, “We’re the Paladins of Voltron. There is no one more capable of taking this on.” Allura stood up. “It has to be us.”

Pidge stood up to show her support. Keith was already moving to stand too. Hunk followed then Shiro and Coran, leaving Lance the only one seated. Finally, outvoted, he stood too. He looked… so in pain. Keith tried not to care. Comforting Lance wasn’t his job, but… part of him couldn’t help but hurt if he saw Lance hurting… No! He was mad and he didn’t care.

“Let’s do it,” Lance.

“Besides, the team will have our sharpshooter there to keep us safe,” said Allura.

She… Keith understood this was her way of comforting Lance, but she didn’t even touch him. For Ancient’s sake, someone hug Lance when he looks like that! Keith can’t do that for him. Can’t be that person for him, but it was so hard watching his pained expression as he said, “I knew that nickname would catch on one of these days.”

Allura took Lance’s hand to hold. Okay, that was something. Keith was caught off guard by how much of relief it was to see Lance being comforted. Ugh! Stop caring!

“It’s a been a long time since it was only the seven of us in a room together,” said Coran.

“Let’s make sure it’s not the last,” said Keith.

****

When they got to the hangar to board their Lions, Keith approached Lance and held out a hand as a peace offering. Lance just stared at Keith’s hand. “I want to apologize before we go on this mission. The team needs harmony to form Voltron and to connect to the void psychically.”

Lance’s stare turned into a glare as he knocked Keith’s hand away. 

“What?” gasped Keith. “I was trying to say sorry.”

“Do you think you actually apologized already? Why are you still so bad at this?” 

Keith soured again. “I’m just trying to clear the air before the mission.”

“I get that, Keith, but you’ve overestimated my concern over ‘team dynamics.’” Lance added air quotes to this. “Try again when you actually care how I feel.”

Lance stalked off, leaving Keith frustrated that he was continually being called upon to put Lance’s feelings first. 

“Keith?”

Keith turned to look. Allura had slipped up behind him. “Yes?”

“I just wanted to say thank you for backing my plan. I know Lance thinks I am putting myself at risk...”

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s your risk to take. You get to choose.”

“I know, but…,” muttered Allura, nervously rubbing her neck, “I do see that it is difficult for you to go against what Lance wants.”

“It’s not difficult at all,” said Keith. “I’m not his partner. I don’t have to consider his feelings.” And with that Keith began to walk away, feeling like he’d just dropped the best truth bomb ever and needed to retreat.

“Keith,” called Allura.

Fuck.

“Yeah?” asked Keith, turning back.

“When the war with Zarkon began, my parents disagreed on the best course of action. My mother wanted to face Zarkon head on. My father’s approach was more cautious. After my mother died, in his grief, my father said her impulsiveness got her killed, but then my father played it safe yet died fighting Zarkon just like my mother. The only difference was timing. So I do not have any example to follow as to whether it is better to take risks or play it safe. All I know is I am doing something. I have to try something.”

“I understand,” said Keith. “I’m supporting you, but…” Don’t do this Keith. Don’t punch your ex one minute then give his girlfriend advice the next. “You need to talk to Lance. He’s sensitive and he’s scared he’s going to lose you. He needs your reassurance now.”

“I see,” said Allura, looking down at the ground. “I suppose I am avoiding lying to him.”

“Allura,” gasped Keith. What the fuck does that mean?

“We should go,” said Allura. “The others are already in their Lions.” Then she left like she was the true dropper of bombs and Keith was just a simpleton trying to piece things together. 

*****

Lance noticed Allura and Keith talking from inside Red’s cockpit. That made him unsettled. Neither were listening to Lance and suddenly they were only listening to each other? And yeah, okay, maybe it wasn’t all Keith’s doing, but he did have control being the leader and he was supposed to listen to Lance, but instead he was being a huge jerk.

He was glad he didn’t leave Allura for Keith!

Lance crossed his arms across his stomach, tears pooling in his eyes.

That wasn’t exactly true. He didn’t understand why Allura was acting this way either. She completely brushed off his concern. He spent two full days absolutely sick with worry over her and instead of feeling better that she was awake, he felt so scared.

What was he supposed to do now?

Tears slipped from his eyes as he hunched over, resting his arms and head on his knees, curing up into a ball. He’d meant what he’d said to Coran. He didn’t feel like he could do this anymore, but there was no out from this. He just had to grit his teeth and bare it because there was nothing else to be done.

“Altas, prepare for Lion launch,” came Keith’s voice over comm, sounding as emotionless as always when he’s wearing his leader hat.

“Lions, you are cleared for launch.”

 

Lance wiped the tears away with the palm of his hand. He didn’t want the others hearing him crying over the comm. He was a Paladin of Voltron for fuck’s sake. If he couldn’t be stronger, he at least needed to pretend like he was. 

“Ahh!” screamed Allura followed by pained grunting and panting.

“Allura, are you okay?” asked Lance. They hadn’t even left the hangar and she was screaming?

“I’m fine,” answered Allura, but Lance knew she was lying.

So they ignored that Red Flag because of course and launched their Lions into space. Under Keith’s directions they formed Voltron.

“It is time to begin,” said Allura.

Lance plugged his bayard into the slot and watched the light show start. Next thing he knew he was out of his body, standing in the void with the others. A forceful cosmic wind was hitting them, a storm made of ether originating from a blinding light in front of them. It was unwelcoming to say the least.

“Now what?” yelled Hunk over the sound of the wind.

“Allura,” yelled Keith, “Do you feeling anything?”

“We must travel through that light!”

“It looks so far away,” yelled Hunk. “How do you know?”

“The entity draws me toward it!”

Allura fired her jet pack and flew towards the light. They had no choice but to follow her. They passed through the light and found themselves in what looked like space, but felt like a crowded room with everyone talking at once.

“What is this place?” asked Lance. “It’s like… it’s like I can hear what the universe is thinking.”

“Remember how the Olkari told me that everything is made of the same energy?” asked Pidge. “I think it has something to do with that.”

“So, thoughts are linked across some kind of, what, cosmic connection?” asked Hunk.

This felt familiar to Lance. He knew how that him and Keith had used the red lube to connect psychically and share an experience that felt physical. This was similar to that and maybe it had been this space, the Void, where they’d met. Guilt embittered Lance’s stomach. He’d never meant to betray Allura like that… or lead Keith on. He felt like the worst person because of it.

“Yeah, but I think we are the thoughts,” said Keith, “inside a network of other people’s thoughts.”

“Oh, this is making my head hurt,” moaned Lance, he needed off this topic.

Luckily Hunk backed him up. “Yeah, I’m actually with Lance on this one.”

“If we are to,” began Allura, but then she cut herself off with a scream. Before Lance could feel any worry, a piercing pain hit him in his head, clouding his vision, causing him to cry out as well.

*****

Keith felt like he was hit by a tidal wave and for a moment he saw a flash of Honerva and then his mind’s eye opened back up to the infinite void. 

“What was that?” asked Lance. 

“It felt like cold water running down my spine,” said Hunk.

“That was Honerva,” said Allura.

“What?” gasped Lance.

“The entity inside of me is connected to her.” Yes, that had been established already.

“Wait, then why did we feel it?” asked Hunk.

“It must be because we’re all connected through Voltron,” said Keith. As the Black Paladin, Keith could feel his connection to the others even when they were only piloting their Lions. When Lance had been stranded without Red and unconscious, he’d even tried to use his connection to him to wake him up. And, well, obviously he’d connected to Lance psychically through the red lube so this mind connection stuff was getting pretty par for the course for Keith as long as there was a conduit. But, he realized that when he was Red’s paladin he hadn’t felt that connection to the others, even if it was there. It must be strongest when connecting through Black.

“Yes,” agreed Allura, “The psychic link between us is now shared with Honerva. The closer we are to her, the stronger that link.”

“This is too dangerous,” said Lance, and through their connection Keith could feel Lance’s fear and worry. It felt awful. “Honerva is going to use the connection to find us, to find you.” 

“No,” said Allura and, from her, Keith could feel her determination. Hers and Lance’s feelings were so at odds. Did they feel that contrast too? “This is how we are going to find her. But first I must learn how to utilize this energy to do so.”

“This isn’t just on you now Princess,” said Keith, “We’re all in this together.” He knew Lance’s main concern was Allura taking on too much. Maybe if he understood they were sharing the burden, that he could in fact help her, he’d feel better… Not that Keith wanted to obsess over Lance’s feelings, but when they were right there inside his head, screaming at him… “Maybe if we concentrate, we’ll be able to feel her energy. Then we can track it back to its source. Let’s all focus.”

Keith closed his mind’s eye and reached out to the others. He could feel Pidge’s curiosity and Hunk’s calm in the face of something that once would’ve scared him. He felt Lance finding peace as he focused his attention on the task. Lastly he reached out to Allura, knowing she held the beacon that would draw them to Honerva.

When their minds synced, he felt them click into place. He heard a roar in his mind and when he opened his mind’s eye again he was inside Black’s cockpit flying through the void.

“This is awesome!” cheered Hunk, as they soared along inside their Lions.

In a flash they formed Voltron, no transformation sequence needed. They flew across the landscape of the void which looked so much like outer space. There was comfort in that familiarity. They didn’t speak. They didn’t need to. Those connections holding, as feelings drifted between them, open to each other, concealing nothing. Lance was tense, but not like before. It was difficult for Keith not to impulsively check in on his ex when he suddenly had access to his mind. He was prying. He had to stop himself.

“I can feel something,” said Hunk, breaking the silence, “like an energy inside of me.”

“It’s the entity,” said Allura, gravely. 

There was something broody flowing from her, but if Keith tried to pry further, her mind pushed back. If his attempt to peer into her thoughts was like a drop of liquid finding its way through a crack, Allura’s push back was like a tsunami crashing down over an entire city. The sensation was like a dentists drill, vibrating his head. His vision fractured into a hundred thousand visions at once like a kaleidoscope. Every thought, feeling, and memory was being pulled up at once. When Allura retreated, his vision stayed blurred, his ears ringing. It took several moments for Keith to calm down. Allura’s message was clear, do not pry. His ability to feel the others was nothing compared to her potential. Her alchemy powers meant she could invade Keith’s brain like a virus.

Just like Honerva could to those she corrupted… 

“This feeling,” said Lance, his voice sounding like it was over the comm. “It’s like…”

“Like a dark realization washing over,” said Keith. It was originating from Allura and it was getting stronger. Or… It was meeting the other half of itself in this place and growing exponentially stronger because of it. 

“It’s like we’re being pulled by a tether connected to our souls,” said Pidge. Keith could feel it too and was sure they weren’t heading towards something good.

“We’re getting closer,” said Allura, authority entering her voice. This was her show. Keith had to trust that what looked like a back hole with a rainbow event horizon that they were heading towards would take them to something that could end this war and not destroy their very souls.

Inside it was dark for a moment then lightning crackled. Suddenly there was a light show surrounding them. It reminded Keith of an animated video he’d watched in the science class at the Garrison of neurons firing in the brain. They passed through this and out of a rainbow nebula and back into what looked like outer space, but felt too confined to be as vast as it looked. The lightning followed them out and as the stars faded, Voltron disappeared too, leaving them exposed again. 

Back in his Paladin armor, Keith emitted a soft red glow. Strange, seeing as he pilots the Black Lion, but she noticed Allura was pink and Lance was blue. Lance always looked so good in blue…

Something brought them down, lowered them to stand on something solid. It looked like a black sheet of glass. It stretched out for miles with the glow of a sunset somehow lighting up the 360 horizon. That didn’t make sense, but nether did the lightning striking the surface of the black glass.

“Is this Honerva’s mind?” asked Hunk.

“It’s on the other side of this wall,” said Allura, looking down at the glass beneath them.

There was a shrieking sound and movement below. Hunk and Allura gasped, lifting their feet up, startled by a swish of colour that looked as if it were swimming below the surface of the glass. More joined them, swimming beneath their feet as if they were standing on black ice and those creatures dwelled in the depths below.

“What is this?” asked Pidge, horror flowing from her.

“It feels like…,” said Allura, “like these are the souls that Honerva has defeated and corrupted. It’s terrible.”

Keith felt Lance’s dread coming off him in thick waves, but for once he didn’t voice his protest.

Hunk was passing on feelings of resignation. “Of course we’re gonna have to get on the other side of the – What?!” screamed Hunk.

They turned to see what he was looking at and saw black ghostly arms rising from the glass. They grabbed hold of Allura, pulling her legs through like the wall was suddenly liquid. Hunk, Lance, and Pidge grabbed hold of her, trying to tug her back to their side, but more arms grabbed the three of them, pulling them down. Keith grabbed the closest person he could, Pidge, and tried to fight against the pull.

They were all screaming and Keith was losing ground as the arms pulled Pidge’s torso through. “Come on!” he yelled, trying to gather enough strength to tug he back, but his grip was failing. Her fingers slipped from his, the last piece of her, of any of the other Paladins, slipped through the black glass, hidden from Keith’s view.

“No!” he screamed. 

He activated the sword form of his bayard. He beat at the glass, but it didn’t make a dent, just ripped like water before solidifying once again. He switched to his blaster and fired at the ground. “Come on!” He fired over and over, but it had no effect. 

He stopped, the realization that he had no hope of breaking through washing over him. He collapsed from the grief, from the loss. It had happened to fast. He’d lost every single one of them.

**********************************************************************************

Lance was somewhere different. If he had to guess he’d say he’d been flipped to the under side of the black glass, but… Allura and the others weren’t with him. The disturbing part of that is he wasn’t alone.

Something attacked him, like a person shaped shadow, glowing red just like everything else in this damn realm.

Lance fired at it, his instincts kicking.

It had a sword. That was good because it meant it would need to get close to Lance to do damage. Meanwhile he had a blaster and could fire at a distance. But the thing was so fucking fast! It was using the sword to deflect his blaster. How was that possible?

“Team!” he yelled, hoping someone was listening over the comm. “Something severed our connection!”

That was the other thing that scared Lance. He couldn’t feel anyone else anymore. Since they’d entered the void he’d felt like his heart was synced with everyone, but now he felt utterly alone.

This thing deflected every blast as it closed in on Lance, his plan to keep his distance failing. Lance formed his shield, holding it out to protect himself from that sword. One hit and his shield failed. The thing kicked him in the side, knocking him to the ground.

***********************************************************************************

Keith picked himself up and tried again.

And again.

And again.

He bashed his bayard sword against the glass over and over. It did nothing, but giving up felt so much worse than hopeless action.

“There has to be a way in!” he cried, stopping to catch his breath.

But he was tired. So tired. And there was nothing left of them. No connection.

“I can’t feel them,” whispered Keith.

*********************************************************************************

Lance was on his feet. He was trying. He was… knocked back down again. This thing was relentless. He was beginning to feel as if he had no chance when a horrific scream shook the realm.

This could’ve announced the arrival of a doom far worse, but instead the Red Lion landed. He roared and the force of the sound blew the shadow from the thing like old paint getting striped away in a windstorm. Finally Lance saw its true form…

Alfor?

Lance gasped, recognizing the Red Paladin’s armor and the face he knew from the holodeck. And suddenly the goal wasn’t to defeat his opponent, but to help him see some sense.

“Please, remember who you are!” begged Lance as he fought off Alfor’s attacks. He was just as quick and vicious in this form, maybe worse.

Lance was at a disadvantage because he didn’t truly want to hurt Allura’s father. But… we wasn’t sold on the idea of getting slain by her father either.

Their twin swords locked. Alfor was so strong…

Red roared once more and Lance watched at close range as cracks of light spread across Alfor. He collapsed.

“Alfor!” gasped Lance.

The ancient King stirred on the ground. “What… what’s happening?” he asked.

“Your soul was corrupted,” said Lance, offering his hand out. “Let me help you.”

Alfor accepted Lance’s help and rose to his feet. “The Red Lion,” he said, shaking his head. “He sent visions into my head that woke me up. Has it really been 10,000 years?”

“It has,” answered Lance. “I’m Red’s Paladin now. My name is –”

“Lonce,” said Alfor, using the same pronunciation as Allura. “Of course I know you. Through the Lion’s bond, I could feel your love for my daughter.”

“I could feel yours as well.” He’d never consciously understood it, but now it felt true.

“As Paladins, we face many quests throughout the cosmos, but the most amazing journey is that of life. And the biggest question you face is who to go on that journey with.” Alfor placed his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I’m glad my daughter chose you.” Lance tried to correct his face. Tried to smile, but he felt so disingenuous accepting this compliment for the legendary King Alfor. “But… you have not made your choice yet, have you?”

Lance choked. He… how?

“I told you I could feel your love through the Lion,” said Alfor, “and may I be so bold as to say that when he was Red’s Paladin I felt his love then for you.”

Lance was blushing. He couldn’t believe Alfor knew about him and Keith and if he could really feel love through the Lion… Ohhhhh nooooo…

“I am so so so sorry,” stuttered Lance. To think his girlfriend’s father’s ghost knew about his feelings for Keith. Possibly knew about his sexual feelings for Keith. Quiznak, what if he knew about all the sex they’d had inside Red?

“There is no need to be embarrassed,” said Alfor, seeing Lance having an internal meltdown. “I hold no ill will. I was in a similar situation when I was a young man, struggling to choose between two I had feelings for.”

Lance’s eyes widened. “How did you decide?”

“In my case the choice was simple. One was fit to be Queen and the other… he was not.”

“Oh…,” said Lance, understanding the situation exactly now. 

**********************************************************************************

Keith had to keep trying. He couldn’t let the feelings of despair suck the fight from him, but he was so tired. Still, on his hands and knees he begged to no one. “Please…”

They were his… his to lead, but also to protect and he needed them.

Allura… She gave him a Lion and told him to go be a hero and somehow he listened to her and followed through.

Hunk… He kept people from treating Keith differently for being Galra and helped him laugh about it.

Pidge… She was not only a genius, but his come-from-behind best friend.

Lance…

He…

He was Keith’s universe.

There was a roar and Keith looked up to see Black standing before him. 

“You’re back,” he gasped. 

This meant he could use Black as a conduit to connect with the others. Water, earth, forest, and fire filled up his heart in an instant. He could feel that tether to them all again. He could pull them back!

***

“Being free to let your heart decide,” said Alfor, “that is a luxury not all are afforded.”

“Right,” muttered Lance then he felt a tug deep inside of him. It felt like a grappling hook had sunk into his soul and was pulling him towards the source. It wasn’t scary though. The line inside him was being tugged by something warm and safe and familiar.

“Keith,” whispered Lance, gripping his chest.

“He has found the strength to pull you back,” said Alfor. 

“Come back with me,” said Lance, offering his hand. Alfor grabbed it and Lance pulled his soul along as Keith reeled him in.

******

It was close to instantaneous. The rumble of the low roars as one by one the other Lions appeared around Keith. When he rose and turned around he saw them. All of them. Keith’s heart had never felt so full.

“You guys are alright,” chuckled Keith, running up to them. Then he turned and looked at the extras they’d seemingly brought back, the ones also wearing Paladin armor… “Wait, are they the…?”

“Yep,” affirmed Pidge, “the original Paladins.”

“Allura!” gasped Alfor, seeing his daughter.

Allura ran, outright ran and jumped into his arms. Their connection restored, Keith felt that rush of shock and joy. It was like a déjà vu as he knew the feeling. He felt it every time he discovered Shiro alive after thinking him dead. Which had happened how many times now?

“It is fitting that I would find what is brightest to me in the darkest place,” said Alfor.

“All that I have done, I have done to make you proud.”

“Their souls were trapped by Honerva’s dark magic,” said Hunk, speaking to Keith. “When we came near Honerva’s consciousness, our connection attracted them to us. Crazy, right?

“But we used that connection to free them,” explained Pidge. “The Lions created a bridge, sharing old memories with new.”

So when Keith pulled his team back, he dragged the older Paladins along since they were also connected through the Lions. Which is why when another crack of lightning hit, the pain was spread through all nine of them. Causing them all to cry out.

A vision of Honerva standing before Lotor’s mech passed Keith’s vision and then he back with everyone. The flash hit Allura the worst. She dropped down to her knees, clutching her head, groaning.

“What’s going on?” asked Alfor, concerned for his daughter. He kneelt down beside Allure.

“Honerva’s connection grows,” warned Allura, “We are very close to her now.”

“You hold a dark entity within you,” gasped Alfor. “Don’t you know how dangerous that is? That’s what led to Honerva and Zarkon’s end.”

“I know the danger,” said Allura, walking away from her father, “But now I have the power to stop Honerva. You had to make a difficult choice in war by sending the Lions away. I also had to make a difficult choice.” Alfor looked so sad, but Allura’s determination never wavered. “I am not going to be afraid to use the power I have.”

It was a difficult thing, to choose duty over the feelings of the person whose respect you value you most. 

When no one challenged her, Allura said, “We need to continue.”

“But how do we get past the wall?” asked Lance.

Allura kneelt down and felt the black glass. “It’s… it’s like I can feel her thoughts. The way through is with the darkness.”

“Honerva went mad, obsessed with darkness and power,” warned Alfor. Why did he remind him of Lance right now?

“And now we must enter her mind.” Allura closed her eyes and a light emitted from her hand. The light grew outwards, spreading into a circle larger than both sets of Paladins. It glowed and those glowing lines formed patterns, like a summoning sigil. It became a gate beneath their feet. There was a flash of light and then…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading!! I think all the time about how I (without meaning to) bait and switched smut for plot and now I'm full on writing a fix it fic, (but let's blame canon on that one.) So thank you for sticking with me! I shall reward you for your readership with a Klance happy ending! (But not before spoon feeding you all the angst.) Love to you!
> 
> BBBKxoxox
> 
> p.s. I have some smutty Klance one shots you can go read if you like. Check my profile.


	14. Knights of the Light Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continued journey into the mind of a psychopath

The wind sounded like screaming. The colours were too bright to look at so Keith had to keep his eyes closed. Then it was done and they were somewhere new.

“Whoa,” said Hunk. “Wait, where are we?”

The terrain was rocky, it appeared to be night, but time had no meaning inside the infinite void. They stood and turned to see a intimidating palace built in Galra architecture style.

“On Daibazaal,” said Alfor, wonder apparent in his voice. 

“It’s pristine,” said Gyrgan. “Last we were here, all was decimated.”

“The landscapes of her mind must be made up of places from her past,” said Allura. 

“Wait, hold up,” said Lance, “If all this is a big, old Honerva thought bubble then wouldn’t she know we’re here?”

“About twenty years ago,” said Pidge, “the Garrison was able to map the human brain. They used a ventral metatronic reactor to read the thera-magnetic wave signatures of each of the subjects.”

“Get to the point, Pidge,” warned Lance.

“A person’s mind is an endless landscape of constantly shifting thoughts and ideas. We must be hidden in the chaos.”

“Do you know this for sure, or is this just a theory?” asked Keith.

“Well, it’s a theory, but if Honerva finds out we’re in her mind, I have a feeling we’ll know about it.”

“Good point,” agreed Hunk.

“Allura,” said Keith, “where should we go next?”

Allura gave a little startled gasp. She must’ve been spacing out when they were talking. She turned around and looked at the palace. “The entity wants us to enter the palace.”

They walked towards the palace, using their jet packs to make jumps over rocky terrain. Keith checked in on the emotions of the other Paladins through his connection to them. He was glad to feel Lance had calmed down. It was strange to sense that could connect in a small way to Alfor, Trigel, Blaytz, and Gyrgan.

They entered the palace and walked through the great hall. Allura seemed drawn to the door at the end of the large space. Allura reached to touch it. Alfor grabbed her hand to stop her.

“Allura, please listen to me,” begged Alfor, “Alteans are life-givers. The entity you possess is a dark, ancient evil. It is not the key to winning this war.”

“I understand your concern, but the entity granted us access to Honerva’s mind. Without it, your spirit would still be cursed.”

“If you’re looking for real power, the ability to become a true Altean Alchemist, there is a place where you can train.”

“Oriande. I know. I’ve been there and passed the guardian’s trials.”

“That’s wonderful news. You were able to gain the power of Oriande.”

“It isn’t enough. That is why I must learn another method. The entity will guide us toward the answer we seek.”

“But at what cost?” stressed Alfor.

During his time with the Blades Keith had spent a lot of time amongst people of Galra decent. They weren’t old enough to be alive before Altea fell, but one complaint they all shared of ancient Alteans, the idea of them that had been passed down through generations, is the Alteans of old had a habit of thinking of their ways as better than the Galra. Better than any other race even. They believed their magic was pure and that only good could come from it. And though they worked to promote peace in the universe, the attitude was that they knew better. In other words they had a real holier than thou, savior complex. At least that was the impression left on this generation of Galra.

The way Keith saw it was yes, Allura had taken in the same entity as Honerva, but Honerva was using much of their same tech and magic too. She’d fused the Altean alchemy of Oriande with mechs using tech much like Voltron’s. She was using these supposedly pure tools to commit atrocities. By the same token, the Blades of Marmora had taken Galra tech and used it to rise against the Galra Empire.

To Keith it didn’t seem like any of these tools were inherently good or evil. It was the person wielding them that made the choice to commit acts that were either harmful to the greater good or helpful.

Someone like Alfor saw things in black and white. Allura was different from her father, she’d let go of her bigotry to the Galra through – and this was a strange realization for him– her friendship with Keith and that meant she was capable of seeing shades of grey.

Allura took the opportunity to use the same power as Honerva against her. In a way Keith was proud of her for doing what had to be done to get them some kind of edge even if others would perceive this path as evil.

A loud crash shook Keith from his thoughts. A giant orb of energy came crashing through the door. Keith braced himself as the thing swung around them. There was a cracking sound. He felt like he was falling, but then suddenly he was inside Black again, in space, and looking out at a Robeast.

“Whoa,” came Lance’s voice through the comm. Okay, so the others were in their Lions too. “Where’s that thing come from?”

“Guys, it’s the monster from Arus!” exclaimed Hunk.

“Form Voltron!” ordered Keith, punching his accelerator.

****

“Wait, where are the original Paladins?” asked Hunk after they’d transformed.

No time to wonder. The Robeast was attacking, tossing its three energy orbs at Voltron. Cue evasive maneuvers. They were dipping and dodging, but those orbs were like the red shells in Mario Cart.

“What the heck was that?” cried Keith over the comm, obviously not familiar with the concept of the heat seeking red shell.

“He couldn’t do that the last time we fought him!” yelled Hunk.

“This is Honerva’s mind!” said Pidge. “Anything can happen.” See, Pidge understood video game rules.

“Wait,” gasped Lance, “does this mean she knows we’re here?”

“It appears she has guardians to protect her thoughts and memories,” shouted Allura.

The Robeast shot all three of its orbs at them. Pidge deflected two with Green’s shield, but the third connected… over and over and over until their shield broke. The damage shook Voltron, causing them all to cry out.

Lance felt something coming over him, this light. He didn’t understand what this sudden feeling of wholeness was.

“The original Paladins,” said Allura, “they’re still with us!”

That was it! Alfor’s spirit had connected with Lance. He thrust his acccelorator forward and pushed out of him the spirit of the Red Lion piloted by the late King himself.

The spirits of Blue, Red, Green, and Yellow soared forward and charged the Robeast, drawing its attacks.

“Voltron, keep going,” said Alfor over the comm…however that worked. “We’ll hold off the beast.”

“Thanks for the help, Paladins,” said Keith.

“But where do we go?” asked Lance because so far this whole journey into Honerva’s mind felt like a whole bunch of making it up as they went along. I mean… that was basically how Lance lived his life, but he expected other people, smarter people, to form plans first and then act.

“Any ideas, Allura?” asked Keith because it seemed Allura was now his right hand man and not Lance. Lance wasn’t jealous or nervous about that at all. Nope.

“Yes,” replied Allura, “I know what we must do.”

There was a bright light up ahead. Voltron surged forward. It was Lance’s turn to act and form sword so he could pierce through that light upon approach. What looked like a wormhole split into a large crack. The light spread, blinding Lance.

They were outside their Lions again (because apparently they were just going to ping pong back and forth) and somewhere new. It reminded Lance or Oriande. There was a pyramid before them, towering into a sky of pink, blue, and purple clouds. Hey, weren’t those the bi pride colours? Lance was getting distracted.

“Is everyone okay?” asked Keith.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m good,” said Hunk, sounding rattled.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” said Pidge.

“Just a bit shaken.” Allura seemed a little out of breath.

“What the heck just happened?” demanded Lance.

“These are traps,” answered Pidge, “just like that monster. They’re fail-safes Honerva is using to protect her secrets from any unwanted intruders – us.”

“What?” asked Hunk, confused. “I thought the entity was supposed to be helping us.”

“It’s pulling us back to its source,” said Allura, which made it sound more like the entity was neutral at best and trapping them at worst. “Unfortunately, that source is being protected.”

“Great,” sighed Lance, “so the thing that is guiding us might get us killed.”

“What we’re looking for is in there,” said Allura, looking to the very foreboding entrance to the pyramid. 

They didn’t even go inside, not walking anyway. They were just pulled through somehow and once again were in a completely new place, outdoors even though they’d travelled indoors to get there. This felt a lot like dream logic. Everything could change in an instant.

This new place had lightning too, but instead of black glass and the night sky, it had broken ground below and storm clouds above.

Lance heard a child’s laughter. Were they not alone?

In the flashes of lightning appeared ghostly visions. Two Alteans, perhaps a mother and her daughter, both with darker skin and purple hair.

“Honerva,” muttered Keith.

Another flash grabbed Lance’s attention. He looked and in the sky saw a young Alfor and Honerva in their school days. 

“Father,” whispered Allura. “These must be her memories.”

There was another flash and they could see Honerva receiving some kind of award. Another flash showed Honerva at her desk with Zarkon looking at her work. Another flash showed their wedding with all the Paladins and Allura’s parents in attendance. (Wow. Allura resembled her mother!) Next they saw Honerva reaching her hand towards the entity she was studying in her lab.

Lance’s stomach clenched. Honerva looked just like Allura had on the security footage he’d watched. Allura had done exactly what Honerva had done, invited that creature inside her, and the consequence of Honerva’s choice was the scene they saw next…

Galra ships flew over Altea, raining fire on the fleeing Alteans. Gyrgan, Trigel, and Blaytz tried to fight back against Zarkon’s forces. They watched Blaytz get struck. Trigel helped him to his feet, but it was too late. Zarkon was upon them.

“Where are the Lions?” demanded Zarkon.

“They’ve been destroyed!” cried Blaytz. Thunder cracked.

“You dare lie to me? snarled Zarkon.

“It’s the truth,” said Trigel, glaring at him. “You’ll never see your Lion again.”

“Neither will you,” rumbled Zarkon. He turned to Haggar… to Honerva… She blasted the Paladins with her dark powers. She killed them where they were standing! 

In a flash of light, the visions faded from view.

“She… she killed them,” stuttered Pidge.

“What she did to them,” said Hunk slowly, his voice croaky with emotion, “was terrible.”

“I always assumed they sacrificed themselves,” said Allura, emotions straining her voice, “but I – I didn’t realize what that entailed.”

“That’s how the original Paladins ended up trapped here,” said Pidge. “She took their Quintessence, trapped their minds inside her consciousness. It drove them mad.”

What Lance was thinking, what no one was saying, what he couldn’t find the words to express out loud was… They’d just watched Honerva having a happy full life. She was in love… She had everything and then she took that entity inside her and it warped her so much that she killed her friends in cold blood. The same exact entity that was inside Allura…

“He was the leader of Voltron,” said Keith, focusing on Zarkon, “And he just… turned on them.” Could Keith see this future for them? How easily embracing the wrong source of power could corrupt them and twist them into the kind of monsters that would turn on each other. Someone who could set their own home world on fire…

“That is why we must destroy Honerva,” growled Allura. In the palm of her hand glowed a power that looked so much like the dark energy they’d just watched Honerva use to slaughter her friends.

“Allura, please,” begged Lance, “What we just saw, it was all because of that entity. The same one that’s inside you.” Giving her a reality check hadn’t worked before, but he couldn’t stop trying. “You need to get rid of it.”

“If Allura loses the entity,” said Keith, approaching, “then we lose our connection to Honerva.”

“And if she keeps it inside her,” spat Lance, “then we lose Allura! Or worse, she changes just like Honerva and kills us all.”

“Have some faith in Allura,” countered Keith, an edge to his voice.

“How are you of all people telling me that?” gasped Lance.

“This isn’t personal,” said Keith.

“It is, Keith! This is about all of us.” 

“Hey, let’s not do this,” said Hunk, stepping between the two of them.

“I’m just confused as to when Allura and Keith became co-leaders,” grumbled Lance.

“They were her father’s Lions and that makes them hers now,” said Keith, “She’s always had an equal say. Maybe more.”

“I don’t understand why you’re behaving this way,” snapped Lance.

“I don’t understand why you agreed to come on this mission, but refuse to get on board!”

“Because someone has to keep you and Allura in check before you go too far!”

“We won’t –”

“You don’t know that!” snapped Lance. “Zarkon trusted Honerva and it changed him. You just saw that.”

“Are you comparing me to Zarkon now? I’m not going to hurt the people I love!”

“You’re doing it right now!” yelled Lance. That was… that was a bit too far… even if it felt true.

“Ooookay,” mumbled Hunk, scratching the back of his neck. He had clearly not bargained for this when he tried to step in.

Fuck it. No one was listening to Lance, but that didn’t mean he was going to stop talking. He looked Keith dead in the eye and said, “I don’t want to lose both of you.”

“Guys,” said Pidge, cutting into their fight. “What’s Allura doing?”

Allura had wandered away, completely oblivious to the fight they were having on her behalf. She’d drifted out into the open. Allura opened up her arms. Lance looked up to the lightning intensifying in the sky. It gathered above Allura and before Lance could react it cracked, speeding down and hitting her!

****

Keith saw the lightning hit Allura and then all of them were somewhere else. It was dark and purple. It looked like a forest, but made up of thick webbing instead of trees.

Cue Hunk asking, “Now where are we?” As if they’d ever know the answer.

“Stand back,” said Keith, taking initiative. He stepped in front of Hunk and activated the sword form of his bayard. He brought his sword down on the thick strands of webbing in front of him. 

This time the flash of light was inside his head rather than out there. He saw Honerva turning away from the statue of Lotor that he recognized from the colony. Next saw Honerva laying her hand on a red haired Altean. Behind her she had an army of subjects gathered between towering Robeast Komars. Last he saw her at Oriande looking at a glow emitting from the broken ground.

The experience felt so much like Keith’s two years in the quantum abyss, having flashes of memory both past and future, invading his head at any moment. It left him stunned.

“The deeper we get into her mind, the more recent the memories,” said Pidge, the weight of this realization heavy in her tone.

“Good,” said Allura, activating her bayard. She cut through a section of the webbing in front of her and they were subjected to a flash of Honerva summoning the wormhole to the quintessence field. They saw Voltron being hit by the power that flowed from it.

When the flash faded, the other Paladins joined in, activating their bayards and attacking the web forest surrounding them. They saw another vision of Oriande then of Lotor’s mech bowing to Honerva. In this round of visions they found out what happened to Lotor… He was dead… Honerva found him like that inside his mech’s pilot seat… his body decayed by time and magic to the point where he was barely recognizable. 

“Lotor…,” came Honerva’s voice… “We will be together soon…”

But… how? Keith knew her plan wouldn’t be to kill herself too so what did she mean?

Keith’s connection was still open to the others so he was still feeling their emotions. Lance was wave after wave of hurt and doubt. He felt Allura shock at seeing Lotor’s fate, but it was soon replaced again by determination. Her ability to brush off the death of someone she’d once loved worried Keith. It wasn’t fair to assume he knew how Allura’s feelings worked, but Lance feared Allura would lose her empathy just like Honerva had. It put Keith further on edge.

He wanted to believe following through on this plan was the right thing to do, that Lance was being overly sensitive because it was Allura. But… Lance was clearly worried for Keith too and he had to ignore his instinct to drop what they were doing and reassure Lance that even if Keith seemed cold now, he could never turn against Lance.

The forest was gone. They were somewhere new again. This time it was foggy and there were whispers all around them, but no source to be seen.

“Pidge,” said Hunk, “any idea what part of her brain we’re in now?”

“No, I’m not sure.”

Honerva’s voice surrounded them, shaky and pained, “Wait…. Voltron…Voltron!”

Something shook them, a pain entering Keith’s head. It was so intense he had to shut his eyes.

“My son…,” said Honerva’s voice, steady now, “I will find you...”

Her voice layered, speaking over herself, “This flame represents Lotor…”

“…son, I will find you…”

“…The end of anyone who dares oppose me…”

“Keith!” Allura’s voice rose above Honerva’s booming one, “Grab my hand!”

“…Rise and avenge my son…”

Keith opened his eyes to see Allura’s hand in front of him. With pain surging through every little movement, he took it. A new swell of something powerful and magical entered his body.

“…And my Altean…”

“Hunk, over here!” called Keith, reaching his hand toward the Yellow Paladin. Hunk grabbed it.

“Everyone, feel the energy of the entity within you,” directed Allura as she grabbed Lance’s hand. “Don’t fight it. Let it guide you.”

Hunk took Pidge’s hand, passing the entity’s power on to her too. 

“…deeply coiled in traditions of evil that tempt us,” droned Honerva’s voice. “Voltron and Galra will pay for what they did to my son…”

Keith’s whole being felt like it was vibrating, threatening to burst apart, but the entity inside him was solid and it knew a pathway out of this.

Blinding light once more and then Keith woke up on the ground.

“Huh?” groaned Hunk nearby. “Oh, man… Ah… Oh, boy. Woo, that was rough – ah!”

Keith was already on his feet, exploring this new part of Honerva’s mind. Fields of pink flowers… mountain ranges in the distance… the sky frozen with the light of dimmest moment of a sunset… a giant moon filling the purple sky.

“Altea!” gasped Allura. “It looks different.”

“This must be the way Honerva remembers it,” said Pidge. “It must be a place she holds dear. We should be close.”

Lance sighed. “I wonder what kind of weird, freaky thing is gonna attack us here.” At least he was joking again. That was a good sign. Of course, then something did attack.

Something massive landed behind them, startling them. It shook the ground and kicked up dust. When it cleared Keith recognized the intruder immediately. It was Zarkon’s mech!

“Ah!” cried Hunk. “Does that answer your question?”

The Zarkon mech raised its bayard sword, primed for the attack. 

“Find safety!” ordered Keith, “I’ll distract it!”

“What?” gasped Lance. “No way!”

“Just go!” ordered Keith, looking at Lance. He pushed the feeling of urgency through his connection. Lance took off with his jet pack. The others scattered. Keith used his own to fly towards Zarkon’s mech. He landed in front of him, looking up at the towering mecha.

“You were their leader!” boomed Keith. “They trusted you, and you betrayed them! You don’t deserve the Black Lion!”

Zarkon’s mech brought its sword down towards him. Keith didn’t even flinch because he was caught in the emotion of a truth. No matter Lance’s fears that Keith would become Zarkon, he knew that would never be him because he had Lance and he had all the rest of them and no force in the universe could ever make him betray them!

The sword never connected with Keith. The spirit of the Black Lion surrounded him, protecting him from the blow.

Black roared and the other Lions materialized around their Paladins. They joined Black in the roar then sprung into action, shooting into the sky. A moment later fully formed, Voltron hit the ground in front of their enemy’s mech.

Zarkon shot his whip sword at them, trapping Voltron. It shocked them with electricity and caused them to cry out in agony. 

“Hunk,” called out Keith through the pain, “Shoulder cannon!”

“I can’t! Ah!”

Voltron dropped to its knees. They were pinned by this assault. They couldn’t counterattack. Then a blast from the sky knocked them back, pushing them them free of Zarkon’s whip sword.

When Keith recovered to look he saw the glowing, translucent spirits of the Red, Blue, Yellow, and Green Lions standing between them and Zarkon’s mech.

New life entered Voltron. It rose off the ground with no command from Keith. The other Lions turned into energy and soared towards Voltron, merging with it. Voltron rose higher, a new power activating. A summoning circle appeared outside its chest and shot a massive blast of energy at Zarkon. When the dust from the blast cleared, the mech dropped to its knees.

“Form sword!” ordered Keith. 

As they charged, Keith felt eight other spirits in sync with his own. The sword pierced Zarkon’s mech with the force of the collective will of all nine of them behind it. The blow back from the attack to was huge. When it had dissipated, Voltron stood Zarkon was on the ground. 

Keith watched Zarkon’s mech glow and transform into the spirit of the Black Lion.

“Uh… guys…,” said Pidge, alarmed.

There was something materializing in front of the Black Lion. Or rather… someone…

“Zarkon?” gasped Alfor.

He looked so different than the Zarkon Keith knew. He wore his Paladin armor and his eyes were Galra, not the glowing ones Keith associated with the evil Emperor.

Voltron dissipated into the four other Lions. Keith found himself standing on the ground with the others. The four Paladins of old materialized in beams of coloured light before Zarkon.

“Alfor. Blaytz,” gasped Zarkon, looking at each of his old teammates in turn, “Gryan, Trigel.” Then his eyes found Allura standing behind them, her fists balled. “Melenor? What are you doing here?”

“Melenor was my mother,” sneered Allura, the rage wafting off her. “And you murdered her! You’ve killed millions!”

She ran at him and grabbed his head between her hands. That glowing purple power from the entity flowed out of her palms and into Zarkon. He screamed in pain as thunder cracked around them. 

Keith could see a flash of the visions of war Allura was sending into Zarkon’s head.

“Allura, what are you doing?” cried Lance. 

“Reminding him of the suffering he caused.” Allura’s voice didn’t sound like her own. The lighting kept cracking. Zarkon kept crying out in pain. 

****

This was everything Lance feared. Allura was losing control! She was deliberately torturing Zarkon and Lance was frozen, forced to watch.

A brush against his fingers startled him, he looked down to see Keith trying to take his hand.

No.

Lance didn’t want Keith’s comfort. He’d helped bring this! Lance swatted Keith’s hand and backed away. Visions of the war and all they’d suffered from Zarkon still flooded his head, flowing out from Allura through their shared connections. Lance didn’t need this reminder.

Just when it seemed like the agony would kill Zarkon, Allura released him. He left out an ear-piercing wail then collapsed to the ground on his hands and knees.

“You did that,” hissed Allura. 

“No,” whimpered Zarkon.

“You did that. All of it!” Lance never thought Allura was capable of such cruelty… even if it was directed at the man who took everything from her…

“I’m sorry,” sputtered Zarkon, “I… I didn’t realize what –”

“You knew exactly what you were doing.” Allura’s voice was venom. “You deceived and betrayed your friends and allies!”

Lance could see the glint of light reflecting off the tears pouring from Zarkon’s eyes. “The Quintessence…it blinded me. And you all suffered because of it.”

“If you’re truly sorry for what you’ve done then help us stop her. You must have been placed here to protect something. What is it?” demanded Allura.

“I… don’t know. I’m sorry…”

“What are you protecting?” screamed Allura.

“I don’t…” Zarkon trailed off, turning his head to the side. “That moon,” he gasped. “It is a moon of Daibazaal.”

“He is right,” confirmed Alfor, “That moon is not of Altea.”

“That is the source,” said Allura, he voice still thick with anger.

The Black Lion roared and shot an energy beam from his mouth. It hit the moon, crack its surface. There was a flash and the moon exploded into rubble and fire.

They watched in awe as bits of glowing ash rained down from the atmosphere. Allura caught one in her palm. More of Honerva’s memories projected into the sky. Except… these ones didn’t make sense. They showed Honerva with baby Lotor, but Honerva must’ve turned into Haggar when he was born…

“No, it’s impossible,” gasped Allura, her voice softening. 

More scenes appeared with Honerva, Zarkon, and Lotor as a child enjoying themselves together.

“They’re her deepest desires,” said Zarkon, “Everything she hopes to achieve.”

Achieve… how?

“How could she possibly achieve any of this?” asked Hunk. “Zarkon and Lotor are both… gone.”

“Unless,” said Pidge, her voice thick with dread, “she’s going to use Lotor’s ship to pierce through realities and find the one where she can live with her family.”

“Is that even possible?” asked Hunk.

“Not without destroying all other realities in the process.”

Shaken, Lance turned to look at Pidge. Everyone was silent, processing. Then, out of nowhere they were hit by a blast of wind and energy. 

“What’s going on?” cried Lance, looking into the blinding source of the wind. 

“She knows you’re here!” answered Zarkon.

“How?” asked Hunk.

Allura screamed and collapsed to the ground.

“Allura!” cried Lance, dropping down to her side.

“Allura?” said Alfor, kneeling beside her as well..

Allura was panting and gasping. Lance’s head was spinning, scared, not understanding what was wrong. “What’s happening to her?”

“The Princess holds the entity within,” said Zarkon, “Honerva controls it now.”

No…

“Everyone,” shouted Keith, “get to your Lions!” But as he said that, the Lions dissipated, abandoning them to the roar of Honerva’s wind. “Where did they go?”

“You’re in her mind,” replied Zarkon. “She’s more powerful here.”

The ground rose up before them. Lightning cracked. The world around them morphed into a hellscape. They were marooned on a jagged piece of land with dark energy pulsing around them.

“What do we do?” asked Keith, panic entering his voice. Okay, so now he was finally realizing the danger he’d put them in.

“There’s nothing you can do but accept defeat,” said Zarkon. Okay… Lance didn’t like this guy.

“No! We won’t give up!” argued Keith.

“That’s your Galra lineage,” said Zarkon. “It’s what makes you a great leader of Voltron. You and I share that trait.” Lance’s gut soured. Keith being a great leader had nothing to do with him being Galra and everything to do with him being Keith. “But look where it has led the two of us. My desire of unlimited Quintessence was the catalyst for 10,000 years of destruction. Your quest to save the universe took you into the mind of a psychopath.”

Lance watched a flash of doubt cross Keith’s face. Lance felt frustrated that Zarkon could compare a 10,000 year war with Keith okaying a bad plan. And yeah… maybe Lance had already compared Keith and Zarkon in the exact same way… and had maybe blamed him for the whole plan even though it had been Allura’s plan...

Lance looked at Allura, still cowering beside him. It was so easy for him to see her as the victim. To see the entity as something that was happening to her rather than the path she chose. 

He’d always put Allura on a pedestal. Actually, he’d put both Keith and Allura on pedestals, but the difference was when he started dating Keith, he’d taken him off… maybe too far off… maybe to the point where Keith actually having flaws shocked him. Lance guessed he must’ve never dared to see Allura down on the ground at eye level. And now he wasn’t good at standing up to her, but he was really good at turning around and yelling his complaints at Keith. That hadn’t been okay.

Lance needed to remember to see them both as people. Flaws and all.

“Yes, to gain the knowledge of what she’s doing,” said Keith, sticking to his guns, as stubborn as always. “And now we know.”

“Yet you still don’t know how!” boomed Zarkon. “She’s too powerful!”

Lance was just finding the words in his head to back up Keith when Alfor rose to his feet first.

“Zarkon,” said Alfor, “Honerva may be more powerful than each of us alone, but the strength of ten Paladins working together as one is the strongest force in the universe.”

“The Lions are gone, Alfor,” said Zarkon, stepping up to him. “Voltron is gone forever.”

“No,” said Keith, firmly, “Voltron isn’t gone. Voltron is within each and every one of us.” That, that right there. That was Keith being a great leader “We’re bonded to it, and to each other.” 

Lance felt his own memory gripping something… A hand in his… his own voice… ‘We do make a good team…’ It made his heart swell. This feeling wasn’t something he would ‘forget’ this time. He wanted to keep it forever.

“We have one last chance to set things right,” said Alfor, “but we cannot do it without you. Ride with us one last time, Zarkon.”

Zarkon turned, looking up to dark mass of swirling energy in the sky. He turned back to the others, activated his bayard’s sword form and held it aloft. “Form Voltron!” he ordered.

The light from his sword spread out and in a flash Lance was back in his cockpit. He could feel Alfor’s spirit with him, moving with him as one. More importantly, he felt all eight others in the four other Lions. Allura was strong again and she was fighting with them.

Just the intention of forming Voltron made them transform in a beat of their synced hearts. 

“Form blazing sword!” ordered Zarkon. Okay wow, it was weird hearing him command Voltron, but okay… Just rolling with it and forming the blazing sword…

They shot upwards like a bullet, brandishing Voltron’s ultimate weapon grasped in the arm controlled by Lance and Alfor. They jabbed it into the glowing source of Honerva’s attack. It resisted, a blowback of power spreading outward. 

Another blinding light knocked Lance out…

He woke up to the sound of Keith groaning over the comm. He knew for certain he was back in his body and back in the real Voltron.

“We did it!” cheered Pidge over the comm.

“Yes! Yes,” agreed Hunk.

“Nice work, team,” said Keith. The simple sound of his voice warmed Lance from within. They were back. They were safe. The plan had worked afterall. But then he hadn’t yet heard...

“Allura, are you okay?” asked Lance. 

No response.

“Allura?” echoed Hunk.

“Allura?” repeated Lance.

“Allura, are you okay?” asked Pidge, her voice filled with concern.

“Allura, do you copy?” asked Keith, his voice urgent.

****

“ALLURA!” yelled Lance running into Blue’s cockpit. Keith was right behind him. He stopped a few feet back, seeing Allura limp in her pilot seat.

Passed out or dead?

Keith was frozen, feeling sick. He’d caused this. He’d okay’d this plan and this was his fault.

“Allura,” said Lance softly, kneeling beside her. She stirred. Thank the fucking Ancients she was alive.

“Lance,” she muttered.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m going to get a med team to move you. Just sit tight.” Lance gave her hand a squeeze then got up. “Will you watch her?” he asked Keith.

“Of course,” said Keith, still feeling shaken. Lance ran off and Keith approached Allura. She was trying to sit herself up. “Try not to move,” said Keith, coming to kneel beside her. “If you give yourself a head rush, you’ll pass out again.”

“Keith,” muttered Allura, her eyes coming into focus. “Good. I need… I need to ask you something.” She wasn’t fully with it.

“Try not to talk,” said Keith.

“No. Important.” She grabbed Keith’s arm, shocking him with her strength. “You saw the future in the quantum abyss.”

“I saw some things,” said Keith, thrown by her topic of choice. “But none of it’s been helpful.”

Nothing could prepare Keith for what Allura asked next. “Did you see my death?”

“Allura!” cried Keith. “No, I – You’re delirious.”

Allura’s breathing was too quick and too shallow. “I need to know. I deserve to. You can not keep it from me.”

“You’re talking crazy,” said Keith, looking back to the door. “Just hold on, okay? I’m going to find Lance.” Allura’s hand wouldn’t release. 

“The creature inside me is killing me,” said Allura, her voice steady and her eyes focused. She wasn’t out of it. She was serious.

“No…,” said Keith quietly. 

“It is trying to control me,” said Allura. “I am strong enough to resist the corruption, but as punishment it is draining my quintessence. I will not last long like this. A few quintants maybe...”

“No, we’ll get it out of you,” said Keith, firmly. Why were there tears in his eyes? This was the time to be the decisive leader.

“I am the only one who had ever removed one without killing the host,” explained Allura. “I cannot remove it from myself.”

“We’ll find a way,” insisted Keith. “Pidge -”

“Keith, listen. I knew I would not survive this when I chose to take it inside of me. I have accepted it.”

“But…” Keith was crying now. “Allura, you can’t do this to him. Lance needs you!”

Allura leaned her head back and said, “Lance feels things very deeply, but he is also the strongest of us.”

“Stop, no. It will break him.”

“Put him back together,” said Allura, sliding her hand down to hold Keith’s own. Keith felt so angry. He didn’t understand how Allura could just accept this. “I looked inside your mind, Keith. I expected your walls to be up, but you’d left them open. I pushed too hard, anticipating resistance. I saw… everything. Everything that is you.” Keith was shaking. “I saw him through your eyes. I think… I think I saw your soul.”

This confession hung in the air. A concept too great to hold. 

“And,” continued Allura, “I saw a flash of something that belongs to me. Show it to me, help me see my end.”

Keith felt warmth inside his hand as his vision clouded over. Allura was using her alchemy powers to dig into his head again and pinpoint his memories of his future visions. His defensives were far too weak to stop her.

“Help me,” pleaded Allura’s voice inside his head.

A flash of white… A familiar prickle, like a déjà vu. “I saw…,” began Keith, pulling up a flash that had made no sense to him the first time he saw it. “I saw you crying. I saw you turn and walk into the light.”

“Ah,” said Allura, her voice bringing him back to the present moment, his vision clearing. “So at the end it will be peaceful. This is a comfort. Thank you… Keith… for so much.”

“No – I –”

“If I could ask… one more thing,” Allura said, her voice barely a whisper, “I know you will do this anyway, but still, I want to say it...”

Keith mouthed the word, ‘what,’ his voice no longer cooperating.

“Take care of him.”

Keith watched her eyes roll back as she passed out again. “Allura!” he called out, gripping her hand, trying to wake her up. She shouldn’t have used her powers when she was already weak.

“Keith?” It was Lance’s voice. Keith turned to see him back with a med team, bringing in a portable stretcher. “What happened?”

“I – I don’t... She passed out again,” said Keith, swallowing back the lump in his throat.

Lance was too concerned with Allura, too busy kneeling back beside her and taking Keith’s place to notice he’d been crying. Keith stood back, watching him fawn over with her with concern and wondered what the hell he was supposed to do with what Allura had just revealed to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have read my fic There has to be an After for Us (under my other pseud ChillySuperPunk) Allura saying, "I think… I think I saw your soul," will have a secret meaning. ;)
> 
> Also, I'm not big on any social media besides Facebook. If you're interested I Admin a group called Klance Transformative Works. Come join and talk to me there!
> 
> BBBK xoxox


	15. Uncharted Regions Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura's in another coma making it hard to form a plan to attack Honerva.

Lance hovered in the hallway for a moment, taking in the gleaming white of the hospital room that still somehow managed to look drab, the beep and whoosh of the machines, and small body so still inside the bed. It was the stillness that seeped dread into his stomach. But he also couldn’t stay away. He needed to be here.

The pole holding his IV drip bag squeaked as he rolled it into the room. With his untethered hand Lance pulled a chair right up to the bed, listening to it scrap along the floor. It was strange to worry that he was being so loud that he’d wake the patient when waking the patient was exactly the goal.

Lance sat in the chair, taking a deep breath in hopes of taming the surge of emotions he was feeling. He reached out and took a tiny hand, cupping it between his own hands.

No response.

“Keith?” said Lance, his voice feeling like an affront to the silence of the room.

No response.

Lance swallowed hard. His voice was thin and raspy from lack of use. He wanted to say this as clearly as he could. “Keith… it’s been three days since the komar robeast blew up. We all got knocked out from the blast, but… you’re the only one who hasn’t woken up yet.”

Lance paused, looking at Keith’s face, something he’d only just gotten the nerve to do. He was pale, his skin nearly as white as the bandages wrapped around his head. Lance knew what Keith’s sleeping face looked like. He always slept just a little bit tense like his body didn’t know how to fully relax, but now… his face was so slack. Lance was used to watching Keith wince as he dreamt. 

Keith didn’t look like he was dreaming. He looked like his consciousness was in a deeper place… if it was in him at all.

“I overheard them saying that the longer you stay asleep, the less likely it is you’ll wake up at all… I – I came here to tell you that’s unacceptable,” said Lance firmly, “You’re our leader, Keith. You can’t bail on us. Not now.”

Lance let the silence eat the room again. He could hear Keith’s heartbeat on the monitor. Slow and steady.

He had a flash of memory, or rather several memories at once, of laying his head on Keith’s chest and listening to his heart. Keith’s heart was a strong thump, not a beep. That machine was interpreting Keith all wrong…

“I don’t know why I tried the tough approach first,” admitted Lance, “I guess I thought duty might be the only thing that brought you back… or truth be told, I thought maybe if you just heard my voice you’d wake up…”

Lance shifted in the uncomfortable plastic seat. “I got knocked out when the vehicle Veronica and I were driving got ambushed,” said Lance, looking down at the limp hand he was holding. “I woke up when I heard your voice. It was like it lead me back to the real world. I thought maybe I could lead you back too… And then maybe I could take it as a sign that we’re meant to be together.”

“Maybe there aren’t any signs… Maybe I’m just looking for an excuse because I want to feel okay wanting what I want and that’s you…

“I know I said I was going to move on, but it’s only been three days so I have not made any progress especially since I think you told me you love me. At least that’s what I thought you said right before we got hit by the blast. I couldn’t hear you properly because Allura was talking to me at the same time and you know I can barely focus when one person is talking to me and then when there’s two…

“Allura’s a whole other thing I have to deal with… I don’t know how I feel, but I’m pretty sure I don’t feel good about her liking me. It feels… it’s way too soon.” Lance pulled a hand back to rub his face. He felt so tense, it was like a nervous energy brewing inside him like a storm.

“I wish I’d told you I loved you when I had the chance,” said Lance, raindrops threatening to fall. “I wish we hadn’t quit the moment things got difficult… I wish we’d fought for each other as hard as we’re fighting this war.

“I don’t think it matters now... I’d trade any chance of being with you just to see you open your eyes.” Lance looked to Keith’s face. Why did he keep believing he could force a miracle to happen? “Please, Keith. Please… I’ve been following you since the Garrison. I don’t know how to walk without your footsteps to guide me. You’ve been asleep three days and I’m lost.”

Lance snickered then sniffed. “I know how selfish I sound. The only real reason I have for you to wake up is for my benefit.” Lance blinked as the tears started slip from his eyes. “I mean, what else is out here? It’s more war. It’s a new enemy. And it’s… just so many of us who care about you and want your help. I wish I had something good to offer you in return… Unless… unless I could learn to be good for you.

“I screwed it up, Keith, but I want to be that one good thing you have that makes all this shit we have to deal with worth it.” Tears were pouring hot down his cheeks. “I miss you so much.” Lance swallowed. “I’ve missed you so much since we broke up and you were still right in front of me and now you’re like this and I may never hear your voice again…”

Lance couldn’t keep going because he was crying freely now. “Please Keith,” said Lance, squeezing Keith’s hand so tightly it made his own IV line sore, but he didn’t care. He collapsed forward, his head falling on Keith’s chest, his tears leaving dark spots on his blanket. “Please, wake up for me.”

“Sir?”

Lance heard a voice behind him in the doorway, but he was too far-gone to care.

“Sir, what are you doing in here?” The voice approached. His arm was tugged at. He let this person just take hold of it. “Mr… McClain? McClain, you’re not supposed to be out of bed.”

“He needs me,” muttered Lance.

“Can I get wheelchair in here?” the voice called out.

“I’m not going,” said Lance, firmly.

“Get a couple orderlies too,” said the voice and then it was in his ear. “Mr. McClain, you are on a lot of pain killers. You can’t be up and moving around. You’re lucky you didn’t collapse and hurt your head again.”

“I’m fine,” insisted Lance. He couldn’t just keep staying in bed knowing a few rooms over Keith was like this. It felt awful not being with him. Lance had taken the first opportunity he could to sneak out and see him. “You don’t understand. He needs to hear my voice.”

“Yes, in here,” said the voice, not to him. Lance braced himself, knowing what was coming next. He heard the squeak of the wheelchair as it was pushed up next to his chair.

“Alright, let me help you,” said the voice, tugging at Lance’s arm. Lance yanked it back.

“I’m not going.”

“You need your rest, Mr. McClain. So does Mr. Ko-gain.”

“It’s pronounced Ko-ga-ney. It’s Japanese. He’s a quarter Japanese, a quarter Korean, and half Galra. Does your chart even say that? That he’s half alien? Do you even know what you’re doing because he shouldn’t still be coma.”

“Your friend is getting the best care.”

“Friend, right…” muttered Lance, “Because you wouldn’t assume I was anything other than that...”

“I’m sorry?”

“He needs me here. That’s the best care.”

“Alright,” said the voice, moving away from Lance. He heard beeping and finally looked to see owner of the voice, a nurse, pressing buttons on his IV. “So we’re just going to have to turn this sedative up and then these people are going to help you back to your room.”

“No, I don’t want that -” protested Lance, trying to pull his line out with his other hand. Ow! That hurt.

“Don’t do that!” snapped the nurse. Suddenly three different people had their hands on Lance. 

“Stop!” he shouted and then a new pricking sensation was in his arm. The nurse was giving him another needle. “What -?”

“Something stronger that’s gonna work way faster,” he replied.

“No no…,” began Lance, but his vision blurred.

“There we go,” said the nurse, suddenly all soft and soothing.

Lance meant to keep fighting back, but he couldn’t feel his arms and legs anymore. He felt his body being lifted and then Keith was shrinking away from him… No… Lance was moving back from Keith.

“I wanna stay,” he said, but his voice sounded strange and not really like words. His view changed. Spinning away from Keith and towards a door. Through the door. Moving so quickly. “Keith,” called out Lance, turning his head to try to see him. 

Still… so still… But… did Keith’s eyes flutter or was Lance imagining it?

Gone, moving under bright lights and sleep was tugging hard, his own eyelids so heavy.

Lance woke up in his bed, unsure if he’d ever left it.

************************************************************************

“What happened to her?” asked Coran.

Lance blinked his way out of his own head. All these moments of looking at people he cared about lying unconscious in a hospital bed were overlapping in his mind. When reality felt like a memory, it really messed with him. He felt like he was losing it.

“It was the entity,” explained Keith, “Honerva was able to use it against her.” Keith had seemed so freaked out after Allura had passed out in front of him, but when they’d gotten to the med bay he’d been composed enough to repeat what Allura had told him, that the entity was draining her quintessence because she refused to be controlled by it. That’s why she was so weak.

“I told her infiltrating Honerva’s mind was too dangerous,” said Coran. “I told you all!”

“She’s going to pull through,” Lance said, stubbornly.

“How do you know?” demanded Coran, which was something Lance didn’t actually know. Luckily he was interrupted by the beep of the PA.

“PALADINS, TO THE BRIDGE,” said Shiro’s voice.

*****

On the Bridge Shiro had a star map pulled up on screen. Lance still couldn’t read these things.

“Honerva’s been off the grid since we left Oriande,” said Shiro. So nothing new? “Until now.” Okay maybe something new…

A point lit up on the screen. 

“We just detected a wormhole signature at coordinates beta-four-ex-seven,” explained Shiro. 

More details that Lance couldn’t interpret appeared on screen. 

“Unfortunately without Allura’s ability to wormhole,” explained Shiro, “we’ll never get to her.”

“But the Atlas has created wormholes without Allura before,” said Lance.

“Only because Allura left some of her energy inside the tank, so to speak,” said Hunk.

“But with then entity draining her,” said Shiro, “she likely won’t be able to leave excess energy. We’ll be lucky if we get a couple jumps out of her.”

“When she wakes up that is,” added Pidge.

“So we’ve got nothing,” said Lance, kinda of annoyed that everyone was talking about Allura like she was a car battery booster.

“We’ll come up with something,” said Keith, “We always do.” Keith turned to look at Pidge at the same time Lance did.

“What? Why me?”

“Smartest… person… present?” said Lance.

“C’mon, Pidge. You know it’s probably going to be you,” said Keith.

“Sometimes Hunk comes up with things,” said Pidge, pointing at Hunk.

“I am… so blank right now,” confessed Hunk. “That astral plane business really knocked me out and I’m worried about Allura.”

“We’re all tired,” agreed Keith. “We could use some new perspectives.”

*****

“We now know why Honerva retrieved Lotor’s mech,” announced Keith. He’d called a meeting to get their top Atlas people up to speed and come up with ideas on what they could do without a wormhole at their disposal. “Since it’s made out of the same comet ore as Voltron, it has the ability to pierce realities. Honerva is gonna use Lotor’s mech to find her version of a perfect reality.”

“Perfect reality,” repeated Romelle. “Does that even exist?”

“She’s searching for it right now,” said Lance, “And if it exists, she’ll find it.”

“The problem is,” said Pidge, she was standing up at the front with Keith, “the trans-reality ore has been traveling between realities for millions of years. And it’s a naturally occurring phenomenon. What Honerva is doing is forcing that process to happen, which could have catastrophic side effects on this and any reality she travels through.” 

Keith watched the faces of those present as Pidge explained this. Everyone looked worried, even his mother was uncharacteristically vexed.

“So what’s the plan?” asked Hunk. “Maybe we can, we can make a giant tractor beam?” Hunk turned his head to look at Pidge’s father. “Sam, you could that, right? Make a giant tractor beam? We could pull her to us and then blow her up with a star bomb!” Okay, Hunk was so scared and tired, he was making up fake science. “Pidge? A star bomb?”

“There is no plan, Hunk,” said Lance, his voice steady and sad. “We know what Honerva wants to do, but we can’t get to her. And even if we could, she has the ability to wormhole away. Without Allura we can’t chase her… and we can’t form Voltron.”

“Well, we have to do something,” said Keith, “We’ll prepare for battle. We need to be ready to face Honerva.”

“We’ve been tracking a Galra fleet within our vicinity,” said Krolia. “Our intel shows they have a Zaiforge cannon. Maybe Kolivan and I can take a small team and commandeer the ship.”

“Why don’t you take Commander Lahn and try to recruit them to our side?” suggested Keith. “We don’t want to fight more battles than we have to.”

Sam spoke up. “In the meantime, Slav and I have been working on prototype upgrades for the Atlas’s weapon system. Of course, we’ll have to somehow find extra power for them.”

Slav groaned. “Always making the most amazing things in the universe, but never having enough power to run them.”

“New weapons?” said Pidge, eagerly, “Ill give you guys a hand with that.”

“And I may know where we can get the extra power,” said Coran, chiming in, “There’s a small Balmera in this territory.”

“Alright,” said Hunk, brightening, “A little trip to a Balmera! We’ll take the Yellow Lion.”

“And Romelle,” said Coran. “I’ve been training her on Altean customs. She’ll be quite helpful in communicating with the Balmera.”

“Good idea,” agreed Keith, happy to hear so many people coming up with ideas. “Everyone, let’s stay focused on what we can accomplish.”

Keith asked if there was anything else and when it seemed they’d come up with everything they could, he dismissed them.

Everyone left to work on their projects, except Lance, who stayed seated. Keith almost left. Almost decided he didn’t want to risk another fight with Lance, but then he saw Lance’s body language. His frame folded in, arms crossed as if hugging himself, and he remembered what Colleen had told him about looking out for those moments when Lance needed something only Keith could give to him.

Keith felt awkward approaching Lance. But he needed to try. For Lance’s sake.

“She’s gonna be okay,” said Keith. He wasn’t sure if he was lying. At least he knew Allura would have to wake up for what they’d seen in his future memories to come true.

Lance looked up at him then shifted his eyes away. “I hope so. We need to stop Honerva, this force of evil that’s been around for 10,000 years. She has a plan that could destroy every reality, and all we’ve come up with is additional manpower and a prototype weapon.”

“I know it’s not ideal,” said Keith, going to take the seat beside Lance, “but when is the last time anything has been ideal?” Never. They’d never had a chance, just the ability to pretend they did. Keith stared of into space, thinking back. “Remember when we first arrived at the Castle of Lions? When we first met Allura? She told us we were the answer to saving the universe, but she didn’t know that for sure. But Allura believed, and she needed us to believe. And it worked.” Keith looked at Lance.

Lance cracked a weak smile. “Back then, I was cocky enough to actually think I was the greatest pilot in the universe.” His smile fell again as he looked down at the table.

“And I thought I could do everything myself.” Colleen had also told Keith he should take stock of the ways in which he’d changed. The old Keith could barely work with the team. Now they and others felt like his family. If he hadn’t changed, learned how to let people in, he never would’ve fallen in love with the boy beside him.

“We’ve come a long way since then,” added Keith.

“Yeah, we have,” agreed Lance.

Keith stood up. “We haven’t lost until we’ve lost hope.”

Lance stoop up and faced him. “I haven’t given up. Let’s finish what we started.”

Keith held out his hand and Lance clasped it and gripped it tight. Keith felt a flood of emotions holding Lance’s hand like this, feeling the familiar warmth. There was a lot he wanted to say, a lot he wanted to apologize for, but he didn’t know how to begin. Lance’s face looked equally conflicted. Especially when they let the hands drop between them. Keith had to withdraw from the touch, but felt Lance’s fingertips and thumbs brush over his hand as he pulled it back and leaned himself against the table.

“It’s been awhile since the two of us were in a room alone like this,” said Lance, scratching the back of his neck. Keith blushed, realizing what he was referring too. “You didn’t stay because you had another vision, did you?”

“No,” said Keith, bolting back to standing. He hadn’t he thought of how it looked to have him sit there. “Nothing like that! You just looked like you need someone to talk to and –”

“It’s okay, Keith,” said Lance, interrupting him. “I was joking anyway.”

“Oh,” said Keith, feeling stupid.

“Keith,” said Lance, hesitance in his voice. “I’m really sorry for what I said about you being a bad leader. I didn’t mean it.”

“You were right to be concerned though,” admitted Keith, “That mission was too dangerous. Look what happened to Allura.”

“It was her plan though, not yours. You were right. I… I didn’t know how to stand up to her so I took it out on you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” pressed Lance. “I seem to be more comfortable punching you than I am just talking to her. I don’t think that’s a good sign.”

“It’s normal to not to see eye to eye on things, Lance. You just… need to find a way to start talking and push through.”

“It’s not just that. I really tried to be supportive of her because she seemed so depressed. I thought it was because she couldn’t figure out what her role was in this war against Honerva. I could relate to that because I used to feel that way a lot, but now I see that she thought it was up to her to end this war and she found a way, dangerous as it is, to attempt that.”

“Allura’s always been the most determined of all of us, but you’re right. She does seem to feel like this war is hers to fight.”

“You saw that better than I did,” said Lance then his voice grew quiet. “I guess I just thought, I’d be enough…”

“You are, Lance. These circumstances, they aren’t normal. And you can’t blame yourself for not knowing what Allura was thinking. We’re only ever going to know what someone is willing to show us.”

“It’s not like I haven’t been hiding a lot of things from her,” said Lance, drawing his arms across his chest. “The red lube…”

“That was weird,” said Keith, “I’m not sure either of us can take the blame for what happened, but I am sorry I tried to pretend it wasn’t real…”

“And I’m sorry I tried to convince you we didn’t kiss when you were drunk. I thought I was protecting things between us, but I made it worse.”

“We’re not worse,” said Keith, prompting Lance to look at him. “I appreciate you apologizing and I’m truly sorry for my own missteps and for saying those awful things to you, but I believe in our ability to get past anything. Neither of us are perfect, but you’re a good person and you make me work to be better.”

“Keith, I’m sorry,” said Lance, starting to cry. “I have to tell you that -”

“You’re not going to leave Allura,” said Keith, guessing. “Not when she’s going through this.”

Lance’s tears were confirmation that Keith was right. “I do have feelings for you. It’s obvious I never let go, but Allura needs me.”

Keith put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I understand. I’m not going to lie and conceal my feelings because enough trouble has come from that. I wish I was the one that got to be with you, but if you left her now you wouldn’t be the Lance I know, the Lance who’s got everyone’s back. Who knows who he is and what he has to offer… and the Lance I fell in love with.”

“Keith…” sniffed Lance. He stepped forward and hugged Keith, tightly. He cried freely into Keith’s shoulder while Keith rubbed his back, holding his own tears at bay. “I’m sorry,” mumbled Lance, “I’m sorry I keep breaking up with you even when we aren’t together.”

“It’s okay,” said Keith, “Break up with me as much as you want. In a backwards way, it makes me feel like you care.”

“Of course I do.”

Keith stepped back out of the hug. “You should go. You should be there when Allura wakes up.”

“Thanks, Keith,” said Lance, stopping in the doorway. “For everything.”

Lance left and Keith took over his position, slumping down into a chair and holding himself. He was glad he said was he did, but… he also knew he hadn’t told Lance everything. Maybe that’s because it was Allura’s secret and it was up to her to tell Lance or not. Or maybe it was used to always withholding something from Lance...

He had to get up now. This wasn’t his moment to cry. He needed to follow his own advice and focus on what he could accomplish.

Keith dragged his feet to standing. He walked out of the board room and started down the hall towards the elevator to take him to the Bridge. He stopped on his way, catching something strange in his reflection on window looking into an office. He approached it and peered at himself, at his yellow eyes.

His eyes must’ve gone Galra while talking to Lance and Lance had just… kept on and said nothing. Like he just accepted it as something that happened to Keith when he was upset.

Keith blinked and they were grey again. 

When he arrived at the Bridge he was just in time to watch the Yellow Lion and the transport ship carrying Romelle and Coran launch.

“Good luck out there…” whispered Keith.

“Keith… is something wrong?” asked Shiro then he thought better of it and added, “Beyond the Honerva stuff.”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Keith, drawing his arms across this chest.

“Of course it matters,” said Shiro.

Keith didn’t know how to explain to Shiro what he knew, but he also couldn’t just keep it to himself. Keith sighed. “Remember how I told you in the quantum abyss I saw time flashes… visions of the future?”

“Yes,” said Shiro, “You saw this body when it was corrupted by Honerva.”

“Exactly,” said Keith, “But I didn’t know what it meant or how it was going to happen. So far everything I’ve seen of the future has come true, but I didn’t know was coming until it was happening… And the few things I figured out beforehand only caused people pain…” Keith thought of how he’d seen him and Lance having sex in the war room at the Garrison, but mere hours after he’d acted on it, Lance was telling him he wanted to move on from him… “I have a piece of a future memory in my head and I think I know what it means, but not how we get to that point.”

“Oh?” said Shiro, his tone serious.

“I think it means we win against Honerva,” said Keith, “But… the cost it too high. I don’t know how to stop it from happening and still win.”

“Who do we lose?” asked Shiro who was smart enough to know the only thing that might make Keith want to change course is the threat of losing someone he cared about.

Keith was quiet. He wasn’t looking to reveal Allura’s secret.

Shiro’s tone got concerned. “Do we lose Lance?”

“No,” said Keith, quickly. “Shiro, if Lance was at risk, I would knock you out, take control of this ship, and race us as far from Honerva as possible. I would let the Universe burn before I let him die.”

“Wow,” came a third voice, cutting into the private conversation, “That’s love.” Keith turned to the left to see Veronica at her station, leaning her chin on her hands and giving Keith a soft look.

Keith felt his face flush. “And I forgot Lance’s sister was in the room…”

“I’ve been right here the entire time,” said Veronica.

“Yeah, while listening to a private conversation,” he grumbled.

“I’m an Analyst,” countered Veronica, “And you are giving up so much data.”

“I thought the sentiment was sweet,” said the guy at the station to Keith’s right.

“Nobody asked you,” muttered Keith, feeling so embarrassed. A few years ago he would’ve died rather than admit he was in love with Lance. Now he was spilling his guts to a room full of people. Keith really had changed.

“Veronica, Curtis, can you give us a second?” said Shiro then he looked at Keith. “If it’s not Lance then who is it?”

Keith drew his body inwards, shrinking from Shiro’s questioning gaze. It was hard for him not to come clean. “Lance won’t die literally, but figuratively…” Keith trailed off. 

“Oh,” said Shiro, his sad look conveying that he understood whom Keith meant. Shiro and Allura had special friendship.

“I have to stop it,” said Keith, through gritted teeth, “But I don’t know what decisions I make to get to that point… and if I try to deliberately alter my actions in hopes of avoiding it… I might just take the path that leads us there without meaning to.” Keith’s voice cracked. “What is the point of these visions if they don’t help me?”

“Keith,” said Shiro, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “You don’t have to take on the weight of the universe.”

“Kinda already have it there,” said Keith, sarcastically, “thanks.”

“Losses in war are inevitable. There is no course a leader can take that avoids them. You can’t put that pressure on yourself.” Keith had never been good at accepting losses in battle. He’d be chastised more than once in the Blades for refusing to leave people behind. “Remember, whatever happens, it’s Honerva’s doing and not some failing on your part. Allura knows this and she has faith in you to make the tough decisions as they come.”

“But Lance…” began Keith, swallowing hard.

“Is never going to hate you. That’s not possible.”

“Can confirm!” agreed Veronica. Keith wasn’t so sure… maybe it wasn’t Lance’s death, but it would end him. It was already killing Keith.

Shiro turned to Veronica and scolded her, “I asked you not to listen.”

“Yeah, but you’re right there and you won’t let me listen to headphones while working,” she countered. Then her console started beeping and her fingers started flying across the screen. “We’ve got another wormhole signature!”

“That’s the fifth one we’ve identified in the last hour,” said Shiro. “Have you been able to find out any patterns to these locations?”

“Negative, sir,” said the guy on the right. “Nothing new.”

“Is Honerva sending those beasts of hers out across the universe again?” asked Iverson.

“I could be,” said Keith, “Or… it could be her.”

“There has to be more we can do!” said Iverson, slamming his fist down on his station.

“I wish there was,” agreed Keith, “But without Allura, it could take us days, maybe weeks to get to Honerva. For now, all we can do is wait and watch.”

Shiro let out a tense sigh. “What is she up to?”

“Hang on,” said the guy on the right, “Veronica, cross check those latest coordinates with our patrol squadrons.”

Veronica pulled it up on her screen. “It appears we have a long-range scout in the area. Zulu-beta-one-one.”

“Get me on the comms with the squadron commander immediately,” ordered Shiro. When Veronica had them connected Shiro said, “Commander Ozar, we need your team to do some reconnaissance for us.”

“Yes, Captain,” replied Ozar.

“We’re sending you coordinates now. This is an intelligence-gathering mission. Keep your distance and run only essential systems. Do not engage. We’re dealing with Honerva.”

“Copy that, sir.”

Veronica brought up their location info on screen so they could track the ships’ movement.

“We’re coming around. Should have a visual in a few ticks,” said a new voice over the comm.

“Keep us hidden in the asteroid cluster. Bring up our monitors,” said Ozar.

There it was on screen. The Pyramid ship Honerva had taken from Oriande, one large Octahedron in the center and four smaller ones flanking it at the corners. 

“I’ve never seen a ship like that before,” said the other’s voice, “and there’s something behind it.”

“Adjust angle,” said Ozar. “Find out what that thing is.”

Keith watched the monitor as they changed angles and enhanced their visual. It was a circle made of purple shards and then beside it… a brand new mech, black with purple markings and glowing purple eyes. She’d built a new one…

“Oh no…,” muttered Ozar. “Captain Shirogane, it appears Honerva has some kind of –Ah!”

The scout ships were on the move, retreating from something, but they lost visual from their monitors.

“Evasive maneuvers! Open fire!” ordered Ozar. Honerva’s Robeasts must’ve found them. 

One of the ships went dead on the screen. Then a second. 

“Two ships down!” said the guy on the right. 

“They need to get out of there,” growled Keith. 

“Commander Ozar,” said Shiro, “do you copy?”

His response was distorted and not directed at Shiro. “Fall back!” he ordered. There was a scream then the line went dead.

“We’ve lost connection!” said Veronica.

All the scout ships went dead on monitor. They hadn’t survived even a minute after approaching Honerva…

******

Lance sat at Allura’s bedside holding her hand. 

“Allura,” he said. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but we need your help. Honerva could cross through realities anytime now, and you’re the only one that can get us to her.” 

Lance studied her still face. “Please,” he begged. “We need you. This universe needs you. Every reality needs you. And most of all… I need you. I can’t imagine this world without you.” 

He’d tried to do everything right with Allura… Do the exact opposite of what he’d done with Keith. So what did that look like? Telling Allura he loved her on the first date… He was fooling himself.

He’d valued the intimacy he’d had with Keith. He thought he could skip ahead and immediately have that with Allura. Really he’d just tried to have Keith 2.0.

He thought if he made the two of them look good on the outside, the inside stuff would come with it, but it didn’t work that way… It wasn’t on Allura, not being fully invested. Now that he was ready to admit it to himself, he’d started this relationship with one foot out of it. 

No wonder she never said she loved him back…

No wonder he completely missed what she was upset about…

No wonder she wasn’t going to wake up…

It was hard sorting out his feelings for Allure. He did care about her, so much. And there was an attraction, but those things never added up to what he knew he was capable of feeling for someone. Things didn’t click into place… never got a chance to. Now all he wanted was for her to wake up and be okay.

“Come back to me.”

Lance closed his eyes. He’d cried so much already today he didn’t feel like he had anything left in him. He didn’t know why he kept trying things like this. They didn’t work. He didn’t feel like he believed in signs or destinies anyway since they ended up being excuses for him trying to force things.

“Lance?”

Lance looked up to see Allura looking at him. “Allura!” 

“Lance, I am so glad you are here,” she said, softly.

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” gushed Lance. “I’ll get a doctor.”

Lance went to get up, but Allura said, “Wait. Lance, there are things I must say.”

“Oh… what is it?” asked Lance, reseating himself.

Allura took his hand and cupped it in hers. “I had realization after I saw something inside Keith’s head.”

“Wait, what? Allura, you’re not making sense. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“When we were in the infinite void our connections were open to each other,” said Allura. “Keith tried to look inside my mind. As punishment I pushed back. I assumed he would be guarded and have his walls up, but instead he was completely open.”

“That doesn’t sound like Keith.”

“I saw… everything that was in there. Everything that was him.” Allura held up her palm, hovering it over her head. “It is still in here.”

“… Are you talking body switching?”

“No,” said Allura, “My mind is firmly in place, but I can still feel Keith’s imprinted there… I can see your soul…”

“My soul?” repeated Lance. “Why would my soul -?”

“When I was a little girl,” said Allura, cutting Lance off and completely changing the subject, “I was not taught to show appreciation. It is not a skill a princess needs. When you and the other Paladins arrived at the Castle of Lions, I decided the best way to motivate you was to treat you all as if you had no choice. This is the royal way of getting what we want. I never stopped to let you know what a gift it was for exactly the people I needed to show up at my front door and wake me from a 10,000 year sleep.” Allura’s voice softened. “My miracles from beyond the stars.

“Like I said, I was not taught to show my appreciation… the problem with that is if you never show it, sometimes you forget to feel it too… I do not know if I have fully appreciated you, Lance.”

“No, Allura,” began Lance, “I haven’t been –”

“Perfect, I know,” said Allura. “You do not have to be perfect to be good.”

“I… Keith said something like that to me earlier”

Allura tilted her head. “I may have borrowed it from his mind, but my point is please refrain yourself from whatever apology you feel you need to make. You made me an offer on our first date, do you remember?”

“I - I offered to be your family,” said Lance.

Allura closed her eyes. “I had convinced myself I was so alone in the universe. I had forgotten to feel appreciation.” She squeezed Lance’s hand. “I did not see you were already my family. You and Coran and Romelle and the Paladins… You came into my life not just to help me continue my father’s legacy, my father’s war, but to give me a family like I never had growing up.

“I am sorry I neglected to see it,” said Allura, her voice breaking. “When I gave up my crown I should have given up my pride as well. It took me a long time and this…” Allura held her hand to her head again, “… this new perspective to open my mind to what my heart already knew. Thank you, Lance.” She gripped his hand with both of hers. “You gave me everything you promised me. It has been such a comfort to have your hand hold during the time we have spent together.”

Lance found more tears to cry. He’d wanted this. He’d wanted to give Allura something of himself. It wasn’t what he’d expected, but it was what felt right.

“Will you keep holding it? Until I am ready to let go?”

“Allura,” cried Lance, “What are you saying? I… I also promised I’d would follow you across the universe.”

“I will not always go where you can follow,” said Allura.

“Don’t talk like that,” begged Lance.

“Just this,” said Allura, raising up his hand. “I am still selfish enough to ask for more of you, but it is just your hand to hold.”

“Of course, Allura. You don’t even have to ask for something like that…” Lance was sobbing again. Allura leaned forward to hug him and he leaned into her.

“You kept saying it to me, Lance,” she said, her voice tight. “And I kept not responding because I kept worrying I had the meaning wrong, that it was something big and complex that I was too broken to feel. But I get it now… It is a simple thing. It is people making a bond together and trusting each other because of it. And it is freely passed and it is freeing. You are my family, Lance, and I will always love you in that way.”

“I will always love you like that too,” said Lance through the tears. He hadn’t known how badly he’d needed Allura to say these things. It wasn’t the kind of love that he’d wanted from her, but it was the kind that he needed.


	16. Uncharted Regions Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura wormholes the Atlas to Honerva's location for the final showdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for such a long time between updates. Because this fic is canon-compliant it can be a bit laborious and I found I needed a break. To write this I've had to watch every season eight episode over and over, usually at ten second intervals again and again.
> 
> That said, it is a labour of love. This fic means so much to me and I'm excited to keep fixing that gas leak of a season (and filling in plot holes) so we can have the final season we deserved and a real Klance endgame!!
> 
> Thank you for your patience and see you in the end notes!!
> 
> BBBKxoxoxo

“Now,” said Allura, pulling back and wiping her eyes. “I wish to get dressed.”

“I’ll get your uniform,” said Lance, standing up, “Just uh, don’t use this as an opportunity to form a plan behind my back with Keith.”

“Yes, sorry for that,” said Allura, looking down.

“Oh no, I was joking. I mean you can probably just communicate with him telepathically now, right? With his brain… in your brain and my soul somehow inside that…” 

“Lance, my clothes?” 

“Yes,” said Lance, hopping to it.

*****

Colleen looked up when Keith entered the plant nursery.

“Hey Keith,” said Colleen. “I thought you were preparing for battle.”

“We can’t do much but wait until Allura wakes up,” said Keith, awkwardly standing in the doorway. “I wanted to stop by because –”

“You don’t need a reason,” said Colleen.

“I know, but I have one.” Keith sighed then held open his arms. “Can I get a hug? Lance and I broke up again… also, I told him I love him.”

“How did you when you weren’t even…? And then why would you say…?” Colleen was confused.

“I dunno. It’s this thing we do and a thing that I do because my timing is crazy.”

Colleen marched up to him and wrapped him in a big hug. “You don’t need a reason for a hug either… But that one sounds interesting. Can I get the full story?”

“Keith!” Keith stepped back and saw Lance coming down the hall. “Good news! Allura’s awake. Hey, Colleen.”

“That’s great,” said Keith. “Tell Pidge and I’ll meet you both on the Bridge.”

“Okay,” said Lance, still moving past with Allura’s uniform in hand.

Keith and Colleen watched him go. “He’s happy. Doesn’t seem like you broke up.”

“He’s happy Allura’s awake.”

“Or that you told him you love him,” said Colleen. Keith frowned. “What? What’s wrong?”

For someone who had decided to keep what Allura shared a secret, Keith was sure spreading it around. When he got through his story about Allura followed by his latest breakup conversation with Lance, Colleen wiped a tear from her eye.

“Are you okay?” asked Keith, feeling guilty for rattling the person he was sure he couldn’t rattle.

“Yeah, I just… I don’t think I’m cut out for war,” she said with a nervous laugh.

“Only psychopaths are cut out for war,” said Keith, thinking of Honerva.

“Go,” said Colleen, giving Keith’s arm a squeeze, “Give ‘em hell. We’ll have a drink when this is over.”

“I’d like that.”

*****

When Keith stepped inside the Bridge, Pidge hurled something at him. He caught it before the small object hit his chest.

“Socks?” he said, looking at what he was holding. “Why socks?”

“Green socks,” said Pidge as if that clarified anything. “I dropped them off with Allura and Lance too. Put them on.”

“Is it a good luck charm or something?” asked Keith.

“Your tiny gay mind wouldn’t get it even if explained it so just put them on already. Chop-chop.”

“Is this an asexual thing?” questioned Keith, though he did sit down to chance into the socks.

“Yeah, I’m getting off on this,” sassed Pidge with an eye roll.

“Pidge,” warned Shiro.

“Keith brought it up!”

“Listen,” said Shiro, “the star system Honerva is in, it’s where Altea was located.”

“So she’s trying to find a reality where Altea still exists,” said Pidge.

“We need to stop her before she pierces through,” said Keith.

*****

Allura and Lance entered the Bridge to find Pidge and Keith there with Shiro.

“Allura,” said Shiro, “It’s great to have you back. How are you feeling?”

“A little weak, but I’ll manage,” answered Allura. 

“I hate to throw all this on you at once,” said Keith, “but we don’t have much time. We need to get to Altea’s coordinates immediately. Honerva is already there.”

“What about Hunk and Coran?” asked Pidge.

“Veronica,” said Shiro, “Open up a channel to the Yellow Lion.”

“Comms active,” answered Veronica.

“Hunk, this is the Atlas. What’s your status?”

Hunk appeared on screen. “Hey, guys, good news. We found a new Balmera and new Balmerans.” Hunk turned around to the large group of Balmerans gathered behind them. They looked like aliens dressed up as antique dolls. They were cute. “Say hi! Hey!” 

No response. Hunk turned back. 

“Alright. They’re shy. Anyway, we’re having trouble finding a big enough crystal. But, uh, don’t worry, Coran came up with a crazy plan that just might work.”

Coran walked into view. “It’s not that crazy, actually. It’s a very level-headed, reasonable plan. Uh, the opposite of crazy.”

“Do what you must,” insisted Allura. “I can wormhole you to our location whenever you’re ready.”

“Allura!” gasped Coran, his face breaking into a grin. “You’re okay!” He wiped a tear from his eye. “Oh, thank the ancients!”

“Attention, crew,” said Shiro, speaking over the PA, “Ready the Atlas for wormhole jump. MFE squadron, prepare for launch on my command. This is not a drill.”

“I’ll take you down,” offered Lance, turning to Allura. 

“Lance,” said Veronica, standing up. “Can I speak to you?”

“Um,” said Lance looking between Allura and Veronica.

“I’ll take you, Princess,” said Keith, strolling over and offering her an arm.

“Thank you, Keith,” said Allura, taking it. Okay, still weird those two being buddy-buddy even though it was probably a good thing.

“I guess I can talk,” said Lance, turning back to his sister.

Veronica was already up and walking over to him. “Let’s talk outside,” she said, grabbing his arm.

“Veronica,” said Shiro, causing them to stop at the door, “This might not be your business.”

“Shiro,” said Veronica, turning to face him, “I’m not moral like you or tight lipped like Keith or mysterious like Allura.” When she said ‘mysterious’ she wiggled her fingers. “But I’m loyal and the top thing my loyalty belongs to is Team McClain. Fire me if you have a problem with it.”

Shiro groaned. Of course he wasn’t going to fire Veronica, which was good because Lance was super curious as to what she had to tell him.

****

“How are you feeling?” asked Keith as he walked with Allura.

“Weak,” she answered honestly, “But I know I will make it to the finish line.”

“Right…,” said Keith.

“Listen, I apologize if I came off as intense earlier.”

“No, I think being intense was warranted,” said Keith, “But I’d feel better if you were willing to look for a solution to avoid your death.”

“Keith, the only thing we should focus on preventing is our reality and all other realities being destroyed. Everything else is a distraction from our goal.”

“Allura, please. You are irreplaceable.”

Allura smiled weakly. “No one is replaceable, but also no one is indispensible. We’ve traveled to the astral plane. You met my father’s spirit. It is proof that there are realms beyond this one. No goodbye is permanent. No loss is forever lost. Honerva may not understand this, but we do.”

“I understand what you’re saying,” said Keith, “and believe me I take comfort in knowing there are reunions beyond this life, but I’d feel better if you weren’t willing to accept your death so easily.”

“It is not easy,” said Allura, “but without knowledge of how it happens there’s no running from it… and if we did the entity would drain me of my life slowly and painfully.”

“But given time we could find a way to extract it.”

“Keith, you said yourself. We have not much time. Now, I need to create this wormhole so we can confront Honerva. Go. Get ready to launch your Lion with Pidge and Lance. You’ll feel stronger when you’re fighting beside him.”

Keith didn’t understand how she knew that was true. 

****

Lance felt his back hit the wall before he was even aware that he’d lost his footing.

“Are you okay?” asked Veronica, gripping his arm.

Lance shook his head no. He was too in shock to process it.

“Look, I’m just repeating what Keith said,” explained Veronica, gently. “Maybe you should talk to Allura.”

“She knows,” said Lance, realizing this. “The way she was talking when she woke up… it was like she was saying goodbye.”

“Hey,” said Veronica, grabbing Lance by the shoulders, causing him to look up at her face. “My offer still stands. Just say the word.”

“Offer?” repeated Lance, confused. 

“You know, my plan for us that’s a lot like Keith’s plan, but without the mutiny and treason because really you and I don’t need to steal the Atlas to run away. Any ship will do. We can get away from all this. We can even take Allura with us. Knock her out unconscious so she won’t fight us on it or just wait until she passes out since she does that a lot.”

Lance knew Veronica was trying to be funny. He appreciated the effort even if he couldn’t bring himself to smile. “Thanks, but… I could never run away.”

“I know,” said Veronica. “That’s why you’re my favourite hero… and I know a lot of heroes. I work with them.”

“Thanks, sis,” said Lance, weakly, “But I don’t feel very heroic right now.”

Veronica hugged him then pulled back and said, “Hey, when this is all over, we should live the Kaltenecker High Life.”

“What’s the Kaltenecker High Life?”

“Well, I just keep thinking about how when you met Kaltenecker she was living in that store and then she lived in a hologram and then she had to live inside the Lions so when she got to our family farm it must’ve been paradise in comparison. All that space and fresh air, all the grass she could eat and that big sky above, and surrounded by her own kind.”

“Yeah,” agreed Lance, picturing it.

“That must be the High Life for a cow like her. I think you and I should do that when the war ends. Surround ourselves with sky and grass, and our kin. What do you say?”

“That actually sounds really nice,” agreed Lance.

“Allura’s in place,” said Keith, returning. As soon as Lance looked at him, Keith paused, seeing Lance was not okay. “Uh, Lance –“

“Let’s get in there,” suggested Lance before Keith could ask him what was wrong. He turned and walked back in with Veronica, feeling Keith’s eyes on the back of his neck, watching him with concern. There wasn’t time to go over this and soon they’d have a battle with Honerva to distract them anyway so Lance could avoid processing to his heart’s content.

“Wormhole is open,” announced Shiro.

Veronica took her place at her station as Keith and Lance joined Pidge in front of the main screen.

Lance braced himself as the Atlas slowly moved through the wormhole. Whatever was on the side would be their final battle. It had to be. This had to end before reality itself was destroyed.

Their arrival was met with three three Komar Robeasts facing them. That was less daunting than the ginormous pyramid ship (like two pyramids stacked with the bases touching) with four smaller pyramid stacks detached and floating at the corners. Above each of these corner stacks was a glowing purple summoning circle. Above the main ship was a bright purple light.

The Atlas crew was doing analytics on what they were looking at. Veronica pulled up info onto the main screen. The lit area above the main ship was enhanced so they could clearly see Lotor’s mech standing beside a brand new mech. This had to be one Honerva had built for herself. The most striking feature was the wings made of what looked like jagged purple glass.

“What’s she doing?” asked Pidge. Based on those summoning circles, Lance would have to say the dark alchemy ritual had already begun.

“I don’t know,” said Shiro, gravely, “but we’re going to stop her.”

“Paladins,” said Keith, “get to your Lions. Allura, you’ll need to wait until Hunk and Coran are ready to return. We need Voltron as soon as possible.”

“Copy that,” said Allura, her voice sounding tired. Lance worried a second wormhole would take too much out of her, but then they needed her and Hunk to join them ASAP.

Keith and Pidge were already heading out of the Bridge. Lance jogged to follow them. They needed to suit up and get out their in their Lions. 

When they were in the hangar Lance called out to Keith before he reached Black.

“What’s up?” asked Keith then he glanced down at Lance’s outstretched hand.

“Let’s try this again, shall we?” said Lance, remembering how coldly he’d rejected Keith’s request for handshake before their last mission.

Keith’s eyes flicked back up to Lance’s face. He took several strides forward before knocking Lance’s hand away and pulling him into a hug. This was just… unprecedented Keith affection. That was… nice.

“Good luck out there,” mumbled Keith.

“Oh, so this is a thing again?” said Pidge, watching. “I must’ve missed an update. Bet my mom already knows.”

“We made up. That’s all,” said Keith, stepping back.

“Pidge,” said Lance, offering out his hand to her. “Bring it in.”

Pidge took his hand and they stepped in to the do the bro hug, clasped hands between chests combined with back pats.

“You’re acting like we’re going to die in this battle,” said Pidge stepping back. Lance couldn’t control his face. “Wait… I am missing something, aren’t I?”

“Pidge,” said Keith, putting out his hand to draw her attention. “Good luck out there.”

“Keith,” she replied then tackled him in a waist-gripping hug.

“Whoa,” gasped Lance, “Keith gets a real hug?”

“Thanks Pidge,” said Keith hugging her back. This was… new.

Pidge glowered at Lance. “Keith’s my bestie and if you hurt him again I will end you.” 

Lance threw up his hands defensively. “Me… hurt Keith?” 

“The fact that you don’t even know…,” muttered Pidge.

“I thought you were my best friend, but I’m not your best friend,” said Keith, confused.

“Yeah that,” said Pidge, shoving him off of her. “By the way, I hate to call you out on this, but I’m starting to worry we’re going to die. You never wrote those pages you promised me so,” Pidge turned to look at Lance, “The fantasy sex you had with him was real. BOOM! Truth bomb!”

“Yeah, I knew that…,” said Lance, wondering why Pidge also knew that.

“I told him already,” said Keith.

“You what?!” gasped Pidge. “First you deny me all the dirty details and then you cock block me from my grand reveal?!”

Keith shrugged and said, “Paladins, let’s hustle,” before turning on a dime and jogging off to Black.

“And just that like, he’s our leader again,” sighed Lance.

“Right?” said Pidge, “What do we see in him?”

Lance felt some heat in his cheeks then spat out, “Okay, enough putting off the battle of a lifetime. Let’s get to our Lions already.”

****

When their Lions launched, the Komar Robeasts flew forward to defend Honerva. 

“There’s got to be a better way to get by than fighting them one on one,” said Lance, speaking over the comm. “Do you think they’re open to bribery or - oh! Maybe we could answer a riddle correctly and they’d let us pass?”

The middle Robeast fired its chest laser at them, forcing them to maneuver out of the way. 

“Be real Lance,” said Keith. He fired Black’s mouth cannon then after a pause added, “You wouldn’t get the riddle right.”

“No, but Pidge would.”

“Whoa!” cried out Keith as a second robeast T-boned Black from below.

“As much as I prefer you two bantering over your usual sexual tension,” said Pidge, “Can we focus?” then she added, “And of course I’d get the riddle. Easy.”

The Robeast who hit Black threw its sigils at Red and Green. Lance tried to dodge, but he got hit, sending him careening of course.

“I can’t get through,” growled Pidge.

“Me neither,” panted Lance, alarms going off on his console. He didn’t know what Red wanted from him, but normally he’d just repair himself so… all good?

Shiro’s voice came over the comm, “We’ll draw their fire. Paladins, get to Honerva.”

“Copy that,” said Keith, “Fall back to me. Let’s take another pass.”

Lance guided Red back to Keith’s trajectory. The Atlas was gathering energy to fire. As soon as the Robeasts were distracted they needed to do what they could to stop whatever dark spell Honerva was casting… or dark science… if that’s what it was. Lance still didn’t get what alchemy was.

The Atlas fired its cannon at the Robeasts who formed a shield to absorb the blow.

“Now’s our chance,” said Keith, “Follow my lead.” Black surged towards Honerva and Lotor’s robeasts.

“Wait!” said Pidge. “There’s a smarter way.”

“I’m listening,” said Keith, slowing his speed.

“We can’t face Honerva directly without Voltron, but we don’t have to. Look at those summoning circles. The pillars are acting as battery packs for her magic.”

“So we take them out, we stop the ritual,” said Lance, focusing in on the corner pyramid stacks.

“Not even all of them, just one,” said Pidge, “Break the circuit.”

“Okay, this is the plan now,” said Keith. “Follow my lead. We’re taking out a battery.” Black led them towards the nearest pyramid stack. “Give it everything you’ve got!” ordered Keith.

Lance fired his magma beam at the pillar, but half a second in he was blind-sided by a hit from a Robeast. 

“Ah!” cried out Keith, getting hit too before he could make the shot.

“I though we were being covered,” cried out Lance. 

The three of their Lions were now caught up trying to fight off the two Robeasts that were attacking them and protecting Honerva’s ship.

“Guys, something’s up with the Atlas,” said Pidge. “They stopped firing their cannon and they’re not responding to my hails.”

“What’s that light?” gasped Lance, falling back from the Robeast firing at him so he could get a look at the Atlas. There was a bright orange light shining from the top. “Is that the new weapon?”

“No, the weapon needs the crystal from the Balmera,” said Pidge, “I don’t know what that is.”

An even brighter light shot from the Atlas and turned into a steady flow of what Lance could now recognize as –

“Quintessence,” said Keith. “Atlas, come in, what is happening?”

“Comms are down,” said Pidge. 

“Where is all this quintessence coming from?” asked Lance, knocking back a Komar Robeast’s sigil with his jaw blade.

“Fuck,” swore Pidge, “It’s the Castleship crystal! Honerva’s stealing the quintessence from it.” The quintessence was flowing into her ship and suddenly those summoning circles were rising up and shining brighter. “She’s using it to supercharge her batteries!”

“How is she stealing it?” asked Lance, “Don’t you need a chosen Altean to manipu – oh fuck – the Alteans!”

A purple light shot up from the main ship, creating a giant summoning circle above.

“This… was a trap,” said Pidge, her voice heavy with realization.

“What do you mean a trap?” asked Keith.

“She was waiting for us here!” snapped Pidge. “Just sitting here waiting for us to arrive because she needed the quintessence from the Castleship crystal to power her!”

“But how could she –”

“Think about it!” Pidge cut Keith off. “All those Altean pilots we successfully recovered. The ones with the entity still inside of them. She planted them with us and she’s controlling them now.”

“Allura,” gasped Lance, fearing suddenly that Allura was also suffering under Honerva’s control.

“Was a way for Honerva to keep tabs on us,” said Pidge, bitterly, “Or worse than that. She was ready for us because she knew the moment Allura woke up and was able to wormhole us here. For all we know Honerva woke Allura up herself because she needed the quintessence now.” And here Lance had been thinking Allura woke up because he needed her… “She played us. She played us so bad and now she has exactly what she needs to carry out her plan.”

“That may be the case, but we’re not giving up,” said Keith, because he had to say shit like that, being leader and all.

“What’s the point?” asked Lance. “The Atlas is dead in the water and it’s just us three left fighting. For all we know, anything we do next Honerva either anticipated or set us up so we’d do it to help her.”

“Maybe and it might be just as three, but you two are the best fighters I know… Don’t tell Hunk and Allura. I love all my Paladins equally.”

“Aw Keef lubs us. Fucking sap,” snickered Pidge, “Did you do this to him, McClain?”

“We stick with our first plan,” continued Keith, “We take out that pillar!”

BOOM

A blast that shot past Black.

“Uh, I think that one Komar just did it for us?” said Pidge, confused. The pillar had been hit by one of Honerva’s own Robeasts, and as a result the summoning circles blinked out

“Did that pilot just help us?” gasped Lance. “Or were they firing at us and missed?”

“Doesn’t matter. This is our opening,” said Keith, “They shut it down, we’re going to destroy it before Honerva can get it back online.”

The swooped down Black, Red, Green and fired their mouth cannons one by one until the pillar was rubble.

“Did we do it?” asked Lance, flying off to safety after Black. “Did we save all the realities? Because like, we were despairing pretty hard a minute a ago, but now –” Lance was distracted by a wormhole appearing beside the Atlas and that meant – “Allura’s okay!”

“Atlas, we’re back,” came Hunk’s voice over the comms, now that he was back in range, “and we brought along a friend.”

The Yellow Lion and a Balmera came out of the wormhole.

“Copy that,” came Shiro’s voice as communication with the Atlas reconnected, “Good timing.”

“Paladins, follow me,” ordered Keith. “We maneuver past the Robeasts and go after Honerva herself. With Allura joining us soon, we can form Voltron. We’re not done until we destroy Honerva and Lotor’s mechs.”

“Right!” agreed Pidge and Lance together.

“On my way!” said Hunk.

****

Keith surged ahead, his sights locked on the two mechs above the main ship. They were going to end this now. He could feel it. But then… nothing’s ever that simple.

The wings on Honerva’s mech moved and suddenly those pieces that looked like shards of glass shot out, flying straight at Keith. He had to dodge to keep from being hit. 

Why had he not been hit?

He wasn’t the target…

Keith turned Black to see where those wing shards were going and looked just in time to see them sink into the Balmera. He heard the Balmera cry out in pain. Keith bearly had time to wonder why Honerva would attack the beast before he saw the shards light up with magic. 

Energy shot out from the Balmera, channeled through the wing shards, and crackled out like purple lighting. It hit the three remaining pillars, connecting all four points completing the circuit once more.

“No!” screamed Keit. His voice was joined by Lance, Hunk, and Pidge. 

Honerva’s ship was charging, feeding off the energy source they’d once again unwittingly brought her. They were oh for two. 

A those summoning circles powered up again, Keith could see energy flowing to Honerva and Lotor’s mech. He wasn’t going to wait to see what happened next.

“Paladins, attack!” ordered Keith. He surged Black forward, keeping with his original plan to attack the mechs head on. Without checking his console, he could feel the others following him, could feel their determination to fight with him flowing through the connection they shared through the Lions.

The two active Komars flew at Keith. Lance knocked the first away with Red. Pidge took the second one out with Green, leaving Keith’s path free. He fired his mouth cannon at Honerva’s mech.

The remaining pieces of her wings flipped to the front to create a shield. Keith continued to fire until his path flew through between the mechs. Yellow took on the attack while Keith circled back around to fire again. 

As he came around again for another go, those wing shards rose like arrows ready to fire, aimed at Keith.

Keith dodged the first piece. The second hit him – Black was never as responsive as Red – but he recovered. The third was a harder hit. The Fourth was brutal when it connected.

Sparks flew and all Keith could do was hold on while Black spun out of control. The moment he was stable he pushed forward and formed the jaw blade. 

His instincts told him to look before his console did. The first shard he’d dodge had circled back round. It connected from the side. The hit was hard and Black was already damaged. Keith lost control. 

He couldn’t pull back or fly at all. He looked up to where Honerva was just in time to see a Komar fly towards her. Was this the same one that had fired at the pillar? Was the pilot helping them?

Honerva’s mech fired a cannon blast from its palm. The blinding light of an explosion replaced Keith’s view of the Komar. 

Lightning surrounded Honerva and Lotor’s mechs. Keith blinked, feeling like he was seeing things, but no… they were shifting closer together. Then they were glowing brightly, half solid, half transparent, fusing together.

The summoning circle above swelled in size as purple lighting cracked around them. And then they were one. A brand new mech stood atop Honerva’s ship. 

Those wings…

The ones that could pull the quintessence from a Balmera and incapacitate the Black Lion with a single hit…

They existed a new and larger, wrapped around this new mech.

The wings separated from the mech and snapped themselves into a circle above it, looking like a jagged ring. They began rotation clockwise, heating up as they did. Magic sparked in the center, growing into a powerful and blinding light that had Keith squeezing his eyes shut.

He could feel the power radiating from it long before the light dimmed enough for him to look. 

This had to be it then. This was the portal through. Honerva had successfully pierced through reality itself. 

Lightning cracked and Black suffered the hit. Then Keith felt that oh so familiar feeling of passing out mid-battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it's the summer updates might be a bit spotty, but no where as long between as the last updates were. I work on a lot of klance stuff at once so subscribe to me as a [user](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelamorrison) if you need content to tide you over between STTH updates.
> 
> Also, I've made a blog on Tumblr so you can follow me [there](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/bangbangbeefkeef)
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> BBBKxoxoxo


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